Between a Rock and a Rock Hard Place

[jamiejag88]

Hey guys, I need advice...

I'm 29 and self identify as bi. I'm out to all my family and friends since I was 20. Since high school, I've had sex with both guys and girls, and been in 3 long term relationships - two with girls that lasted over a year each and one with a bi guy that lasted over 4 years.

I just had an 8 month relationship with a girl end a few months ago, and I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I've been hooking up with guys since, but I'm really crushing on my coworker, who is female. We flirt back and forth and have had several fantastic dates. We've kissed and gone to third base, but no sex yet. Not for a lack of trying, but she wants to take it slow which I am ok with.

I find that I've mostly been more emotionally attracted to girls but sexually attracted to guys. When I see a hot guy, I want to fuck his brains out (or vice versa) but when I see a girl, I want to go to dinner, cuddle, get married, kids, white picket fence, etc. With girls its romance, with guys its hot sex. I've had great sex with women and sex was never a problem in my relationships, but I find that I'd rather have sex with guys. Sex with guys is just way hotter.

I often feel like I'm caught in between two worlds. I want the romance and I want hot sex. Neither really gives me what I want.

Anyone else deal with this? How have you coped or changed your situation?

 

[IBendOver]

Hey guys, I need advice...

I'm 29 and self identify as bi. I'm out to all my family and friends since I was 20. Since high school, I've had sex with both guys and girls, and been in 3 long term relationships - two with girls that lasted over a year each and one with a bi guy that lasted over 4 years.

I just had an 8 month relationship with a girl end a few months ago, and I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I've been hooking up with guys since, but I'm really crushing on my coworker, who is female. We flirt back and forth and have had several fantastic dates. We've kissed and gone to third base, but no sex yet. Not for a lack of trying, but she wants to take it slow which I am ok with.

I find that I've mostly been more emotionally attracted to girls but sexually attracted to guys. When I see a hot guy, I want to fuck his brains out (or vice versa) but when I see a girl, I want to go to dinner, cuddle, get married, kids, white picket fence, etc. With girls its romance, with guys its hot sex. I've had great sex with women and sex was never a problem in my relationships, but I find that I'd rather have sex with guys. Sex with guys is just way hotter.

I often feel like I'm caught in between two worlds. I want the romance and I want hot sex. Neither really gives me what I want.

Anyone else deal with this? How have you coped or changed your situation?

Yeah, I feel you. My last gay relationship broke up because of the same thing. I really love getting fucked and sucking dick. Also kissing is a good thing when you I'm hard. But when it comes to a longtime relationship, a women would be my choice (also with the experience I made) I think, the best thing that a Bisexual boy can have is a transgender woman.

 

[SeaCore]

You're definitely not alone. This exact frustration is expressed in this video:

Wish I could give you some good input. But I've never been in a relationship/had sex. I know that with my attraction, I'm easily sexually attracted to men. But with women, once I get to know them, I then have the potential to catch feelings for them. I tend to have an easier time making that emotional connection with women than I do with men. It's definitely... Not a problem I'm looking forward to dealing with.

But some people do the whole open relationship thing. That's becoming a lot more acceptable nowadays.
I know there was one guy who was coping by having their wife use a strap-on to help meet their sexual needs.

Being that this situation doesn't seem uncommon among bi guys, maybe you and another bi guy could form a thruple with a woman? That could be tricky where having children is concerned. And jealousy might be another issue. But there is that possibility if being completely open in the relationship is too much for you.

 

[str8guy]

why don't you try a chick pegging you?

 

[jamiejag88]

I've had both monogamous and open relationships, and they each had their plus and minuses.

My ex BF and I were in an open relationship and that worked out well. We double teamed girls and had a crazy and active sex life together and with others. Then he was in a serious car accident and almost died. The last year and a half of our relationship through his recovery, he became a completely different person.

My ex GF and I were in an open relationship in college and we often played with other friends and couples together and had lots of hot sex. We were both bi and had tons of hot sex and crazy times. It just turned out she was crazier than I am!

Those were my two longest relationships, I think because we had sexual freedom. My other relationships were way more vanilla, but not less fulfilling.

 

[jamiejag88]

Thanks for the good advice.

- - - Updated - - -

why don't you try a chick pegging you?

I have, and it was lots of fun!

 

[jamiejag88]

But some people do the whole open relationship thing. That's becoming a lot more acceptable nowadays.I know there was one guy who was coping by having their wife use a strap-on to help meet their sexual needs.

Being that this situation doesn't seem uncommon among bi guys, maybe you and another bi guy could form a thruple with a woman? That could be tricky where having children is concerned. And jealousy might be another issue. But there is that possibility if being completely open in the relationship is too much for you.

I've had both monogamous and open relationships, and they each had their plus and minuses.

My ex BF and I were in an open relationship and that worked out well. We double teamed girls and had a crazy and active sex life together and with others. Then he was in a serious car accident and almost died. The last year and a half of our relationship through his recovery, he became a completely different person.

My ex GF and I were in an open relationship in college and we often played with other friends and couples together and had lots of hot sex. We were both bi and had tons of hot sex and crazy times. It just turned out she was crazier than I am!

Those were my two longest relationships, I think because we had sexual freedom. My other relationships were way more vanilla, but not less fulfilling.

 

[SeaCore]

Hm, I find it interesting that this part of your life is so conflicting because from the sounds of it you've been able to create environments that allow both your needs to be met.

Do you think you could elaborate on what makes you feel 'stuck' between both worlds? What's causing the friction?

 

[str8guy]

Thanks for the good advice.

- - - Updated - - -



I have, and it was lots of fun!

okie fair enough then haha , sorry I couldn't help bud

 

[jamiejag88]

Hm, I find it interesting that this part of your life is so conflicting because from the sounds of it you've been able to create environments that allow both your needs to be met.

I have, but rarely at the same time. Usually when as a couple we were playing around with other guys, girls, or couples...

Do you think you could elaborate on what makes you feel 'stuck' between both worlds? What's causing the friction?

I want the romance with the hot sex. I'm romantically attracted to women but sexually attracted to guys. I've had great sex with women, but I still want dick, lol. I've been in open relationships before and it was great, but as of late, it's hard to find women who want to share their man with other dudes. Just saying I'm bi has ended a few dates.

I was in a 4+ year relationship with another bi guy. While we were in love, it wasn't the same emotionally connected love that I've felt with girls.

So what it boils down to, I guess, is that I just haven't met the right man or woman for me yet...

 

[novastar]

Hey guys, I need advice...

I'm 29 and self identify as bi. I'm out to all my family and friends since I was 20. Since high school, I've had sex with both guys and girls, and been in 3 long term relationships - two with girls that lasted over a year each and one with a bi guy that lasted over 4 years.

I just had an 8 month relationship with a girl end a few months ago, and I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I've been hooking up with guys since, but I'm really crushing on my coworker, who is female. We flirt back and forth and have had several fantastic dates. We've kissed and gone to third base, but no sex yet. Not for a lack of trying, but she wants to take it slow which I am ok with.

I find that I've mostly been more emotionally attracted to girls but sexually attracted to guys. When I see a hot guy, I want to fuck his brains out (or vice versa) but when I see a girl, I want to go to dinner, cuddle, get married, kids, white picket fence, etc. With girls its romance, with guys its hot sex. I've had great sex with women and sex was never a problem in my relationships, but I find that I'd rather have sex with guys. Sex with guys is just way hotter.

I often feel like I'm caught in between two worlds. I want the romance and I want hot sex. Neither really gives me what I want.

Anyone else deal with this? How have you coped or changed your situation?

I could have written this letter verbatim. I don't know how to help you though other than wishing you meet the rare female who is into sharing you with a guy. They are out there, but I've yet to meet one OK with this. Sooner or later you'll find the right guy you get those feelings for. WOuld you be open to sharing her with others, too?

 

[MoaningMike]

This is a hard choice, I sympathize. It's also completely an individual decision that runs the gamut of human attraction and what works for YOU, nobody else.
I think if people grew up without sexual boundaries and the rules of religion and society, everyone would be free. Some totally straight, some totally gay, the majority just flexible in their desires. Your time on this planet is limited, so do what feels right for you.
Maybe being married to woman and having a family is important to you, yet you crave dick. Most people will not agree to sharing a spouse with anyone, regardless of gender. You might find a spouse who is into swinging, or will let you screw around. Just remember that jealousy is bound to flare up in most cases.
No matter what you choose, be honest with yourself and your partner(s). Are you really wanting to do what you want, or what others expect? We all know that men who are married with children frequent bath houses and glory holes and cheat on their unknowing wives. Who's to say if they are happy or miserable?

 

[ballcaphair]

I really like lovemaking with men or women. It can become intense too. I've got relationships with men and women some with sex and some without. Remember a relationship may be more than sex. Good hard sex is great. regardless of your partner.

 

[jktoooo]

Not to be mean ur the kinda guy I would completely avoid. Good luck tho.

 

[MatttheBruinsfan]

I was in a 4+ year relationship with another bi guy. While we were in love, it wasn't the same emotionally connected love that I've felt with girls.

How do you fall in love without being emotionally connected? There's more to love than just being sexually compatible.

 

[jamiejag88]

I could have written this letter verbatim. I don't know how to help you though other than wishing you meet the rare female who is into sharing you with a guy. They are out there, but I've yet to meet one OK with this. Sooner or later you'll find the right guy you get those feelings for. WOuld you be open to sharing her with others, too?

I'd be open to sharing her with others. My college girlfriend was also bi and she turned me onto lots of things. It was a great relationship, lots of crazy sex with her and other guys and girls. We are still friends, but she is settled down now and in a monogamous relationship and she and her girlfriend have kids.

 

[jamiejag88]

How do you fall in love without being emotionally connected? There's more to love than just being sexually compatible.

There's always an emotional connection, its just stronger with girls than with guys. It's hard to explain...

 

[jamiejag88]

This is a hard choice, I sympathize. It's also completely an individual decision that runs the gamut of human attraction and what works for YOU, nobody else.
I think if people grew up without sexual boundaries and the rules of religion and society, everyone would be free. Some totally straight, some totally gay, the majority just flexible in their desires. Your time on this planet is limited, so do what feels right for you.
Maybe being married to woman and having a family is important to you, yet you crave dick. Most people will not agree to sharing a spouse with anyone, regardless of gender. You might find a spouse who is into swinging, or will let you screw around. Just remember that jealousy is bound to flare up in most cases.
No matter what you choose, be honest with yourself and your partner(s). Are you really wanting to do what you want, or what others expect? We all know that men who are married with children frequent bath houses and glory holes and cheat on their unknowing wives. Who's to say if they are happy or miserable?

Good points.

I'm always honest and open. Can't live any other way and still go to sleep with a clear conscience!