BF broke-up with me because I slept with two other guys during our 72 hour "break-up". HELP!! ADVICE!!

[gay000]

So the Love of my Life broke up with me when I confessed to him that when we took our 72 hour break I slept with two guys. He was shocked, he said that I knew we weren't really broken up and I should've known better. And he's right I should have.

i cheated on my boyfriend (someone I thought I was going to marry), and I ended up hurting him and he broke up with me.
I'm still trying to work things out with him, but if they don't work out then I'm going to a better human being and boyfriend to the next guy. But I am still in love with my "ex".
Oddly enough, when I jerk off I think of my boyfriend. Then I think of him getting fucked by some guy and I get so angry and then I go into those rapid angry jerks which makes me explode in seconds and frustration that we are no longer together. Frustration makes me cum quicker apparently.

I am determined to make things better, but I don't know how and where to start.
Could any gays in monogamous LTR give me some advice.
I love him so much and feel we are destined to be together.
I am probably the least religious person in the Universe, but I have been on my knees in front of my bed praying to God to bring him back in my life. I feel like shit for hurting him. I even took a vow of celibacy and will only have sex with my boyfriend....if ever that happens.
One of the last things he said to me was, and I'm paraphrasing, but basically it went like this: "We were building something great between us; and now we have nothing, and it is all because of what you did."
When I heard that I became flabbergasted. The fact that we are no longer together seems so unreal to me.
I love him, I miss him, and I still think we are going to get married one day.

We are both in our late 20s, FYI.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

Why did you take a 72 hour break? That's very specific

 

[innocentbychoice]

I understand his position, and I think you were too quick to move on. But I'm not judging, that can happen.

If you want to get him back I think you need to show him that you love him and that you're willing to be faithful. Be special, send him messages, buy him cute gifts, make him feel very special and unique, and don't give up...If he really loves you he'll find a way to forgive you but you have to be persistent and honest. And I say this as someone who was in your boyfriend's position.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

You were going to marry him... but it only took 3 days apart for you to sleep with two different men?

I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like love. Honestly, looking at it in his shoes, it feels like you were ready to explore life and were doing it quickly and fruitfully. Nothing wrong with that, but you can't have your cake and eat it too - can't both say you're madly in love and you wanna marry him, but the minute it's over you're out on the prowl.

This taking a break nonsense never works in the movies, and it doesn't translate to real life. Suffice it to say, you may want to evaluate your choices - and, you may want to think about the man that punishes you for things you did while you were single.

 

[sixthson]

Oh well, just find two more guys to sleep with and you will forget all about him.

 

[Ninja108]

All due respect, when you cheat on someone, there is no turning the clock back.
There is no more trust and I can't blame your boyfriend for ending the relationship.
I hope you take the lessons learned from this like you said, that is the only way to get something good out of this.

 

[aaggii]

Sounds like a teenage drama. Here, a coupon for doing whatever you want in the next 72 hours, but after that I´ll get mad about it.

Both of you need to grow up.

 

[eastofeden]

I value honesty so if I was your boyfriend and you came to me with this I would talk it out and probably accept it depending on how much you owned it.

A STAGGERING amount of people cheat and lie about it...perhaps he would prefer one of those guys?

I hope you forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up.....

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Monogamy isn't for everyone.

 

[Junior42]

Good for him. If you whore around that quick after a break up he has every right to be concerned about every time you had an argument from this time forward.

 

[palbert]

So the Love of my Life broke up with me when I confessed to him that when we took our 72 hour break I slept with two guys. He was shocked, he said that I knew we weren't really broken up and I should've known better. And he's right I should have.
....

Either you were "broken up" for 72 hours or not. I don't like his playing the guilt game; how were you to know better? I would let him stay gone.

An awful lot of drama for someone your age.

 

[Seasoned]

My husband and I have been together 31 years and have been though every kind of relationship drama. Between that and the drama of family and friends is the reason I'm non-judgemental except in the case of violence or abuse. H

Here's the deal in my opinion: Saying yes to something means saying no to a lot more things. That may be what's at the bottom of your problem. If one or both had been casual about sex before the relationship that will be missed as one trades that in for a monogamous relationship. It's foolish to think old urges and patterns disappear by magic. A person has to be conscious as they go about making new choices.

There are as many different kinds of relationships as there are people and some are more difficult than others. Mine hasn't always been easy, but we've worked through crap because of that heart/emotional connection you described. Too many people begin relationships as "damaged goods" with the expectation that with this new, wonderful person all is well and life is perfect. Then reality sets in.

This is repairable if both of you are willing to be honest and open and willing to listen. It may take couples therapy to have a safe place to listen and attempt to understand one another and learn not to play games and create tests for one another.

I hope you guys give it a try. PM me anytime.

 

[checkinthingsout]

Here's the deal in my opinion: Saying yes to something means saying no to a lot more things. That may be what's at the bottom of your problem. If one or both had been casual about sex before the relationship that will be missed as one trades that in for a monogamous relationship. It's foolish to think old urges and patterns disappear by magic. A person has to be conscious as they go about making new choices.

This was my feeling too upon reading your post. I am not sure how you were before the relationship, but he could be upset because he has never known you to be so swift with jumping into bed with different guys. Almost to the fact that he doesn't know who you are after just 72 hours. I am not sure if he knew about your views towards sex before the relationship, but they are clear after the 3 day break, and it may take a lot to change those views.

No, I don't think it was cheating, but he may not want to be with someone who has the mindset and emotional detachment to sleep with 2 people in a matter of days.

I am not sure how long you two have been together, but if it wasn't long before, he may not be willing to fight a relationship with someone that he almost doesn't know anymore.

I would maybe understand why you felt the need to sleep with 2 people and be able to explain what drove you to that before you try and speak with him again. I personally don't think your relationship will survive, but your best hope would be to understand yourself, your actions, and the implications on your personality and moral compass that you have communicated to him through these actions.

 

[sixthson]

I'd be curious to know about these two guys you slept with. Were they just hookups you met online or in a bar or did you know them before.

 

[gay000]

Thanks to everyone for posting your advice.
I personally think we are going to make it.
My boyfriend is such an honest conservative good person, and I'm...well, I'm Brian Kinney.
The two guys were just friends of friends I met around. He doesn't know them, and I don't know why I did it. I was lonely, frustrated, and horny. When I'm with my boyfriend I feel like a normal stable person. We are so different from one another, yet we have incredible chemistry. He didn't even want to have sex when we started dating which made me respect him more.
I've never fallen in love with anymore ever until I met him. I've never felt hurt or sad, when someone else is sad or hurt until I met him.
I feel that we are meant to be together, and I hope he feels the same way too.
I'm going to work towards this relationship, because I love him.
I've been going to counseling ,and group therapy so I can be the good person he is/ was to me: :,(

 

[eastofeden]

It sounds like you have already made up your mind but I have to caution you on one thing so it doesn't bug me...I hate when I don't say something I think needs to be said....

You may find yourself apologizing for and feeling guilty about this forever and that is a bad idea.. it could become a power chip in your relationship. If you are going to be the "bad one"...and he allows you to assume that role...he needs some work himself.

I have seen a lot of relationships fall for this same thing..and the "bad one" is tortured forever for some mistake.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

Oh, so you're a doormat.

Got it. Just one question before I go, because I am going to go... if your "boyfriend" is so pure, so untouched by the sin, why did you have to break up in the first place, only for it all to be a "fake" breakup that you "should have known was fake"?

 

[LuckysRevenge]

The whole situation sound unhealthy. I know you won't listen but I think you need some time apart to reflect on this relationship and why you're in it.

If you love someone so much you're not going to run off and fuck 2 guys in 72 hours. If after the first one you didn't feel remorse or concern enough to do it again, there are obvious issues that you should probably look into.

 

[bankside]

Could any gays in monogamous LTR give me some advice.

Sure, I'll give it a shot though it's only 16 years so far in my relationship.

Thanks to everyone for posting your advice.
I personally think we are going to make it.
My boyfriend is such an honest conservative good person, and I'm...well, I'm Brian Kinney.
The two guys were just friends of friends I met around. He doesn't know them, and I don't know why I did it. I was lonely, frustrated, and horny. When I'm with my boyfriend I feel like a normal stable person. We are so different from one another, yet we have incredible chemistry. He didn't even want to have sex when we started dating which made me respect him more.
I've never fallen in love with anymore ever until I met him. I've never felt hurt or sad, when someone else is sad or hurt until I met him.
I feel that we are meant to be together, and I hope he feels the same way too.
I'm going to work towards this relationship, because I love him.
I've been going to counseling ,and group therapy so I can be the good person he is/ was to me: :,(

I'm going to explain why I think he reacted the way he did. Sex means something very different to each of you. For you, it can be a pass time, a way to blow off steam, a distraction, something fun to do one evening. It sounds like for him, the only way to have sex is to express love to one another, something that only exists between two people who are already intimate and solid with each other.

The reason you connected at all is probably because you realized you could see things his way, and you had a sex life together because you could use sex to show the depth of your feelings for him, and you both found a way to relate.

But I don't think that ever changed the fact that for you, sex could still be something just for fun, just a throw-away fuck that lasts one evening and means nothing else beyond that.

And I don't think anything changed for him either. He still thinks of sex as the way you connect with someone's innermost being in the most intimate way imaginable. Even knowing sex and love are different things, a lot of people see them as welded together, never separate.

If I've understood the situation correctly, my own way of thinking is a lot closer to his than to yours. (not totally though)

On one hand I believe you when you say you just hooked up with these other two guys because you were horny and frustrated and lonely and didn't really expect anything of it.

But if my guy said "yeah, we broke up, so I fucked a couple of strangers. no big deal, it didn't mean anything," I would be fighting every instinct in my body to believe that I ever meant anything more serious to him than fucking a couple of random guys.

If you never see the difference between love and sex, it is hard to believe someone else can choose whether to put them both together or experience them separately. You can fuck strangers and have it mean nothing more. He probably can't. But you discovered that you can also fuck someone you care about and have it mean something very important and special to you. You have the choice.

It's going to be incredibly hard for him to understand that some people do have the choice. I believe you could be a good monogamous boyfriend to him. You can make that choice and live by it, and it would match up to what he needs out of a relationship.

He taught you about ability to truly connect with someone and it means a lot to you. But there's something for him to learn about your take on life too, and he needs to believe if he's going to accept what happened: sometimes fucking just for pleasure is okay. My guy and I are monogamous, have been for 16 years. We waited too. And there are plenty of times that we have sex because that's how we show each other we care. But there are also times we just fuck each other for the mind-blowing pleasure, where it's just about physicality, and sensation, and the feeling of getting off, and the pleasure of orgasm. We're monogamous. We love each other. We mean a lot to each other. But sometimes we fuck just because we're horny and we want the pleasure we give each other in that moment. Even a monogamous guy can understand that.

So that's my take on things but what I really want to know is, why were you on a break? What issues were you taking to a counsellor? And how long ago did this all happen?

 

[smoothebottom]

I'm not going to advise you on how to get him back because, quite frankly, I'm no therapist. But I am going to give you his perspective (if you haven't yet considered it) based on similar situations I've been involved with.

I was dating this girl for quite some time until we broke up. We got together to talk for the first time about two weeks after the breakup. She confessed to me she had already slept with another guy at that time. Although we were technically broken up I felt betrayed and like a complete fool. Betrayed because I felt we had something special where she wouldn't just jump into bed with any guy so soon thereafter. Like a fool because during the brief break up time, I was thinking about the relationship while she was sleeping with other guys (although it was just that one).

This was crushing and I'm sure your ex is feeling the same way. The only advise I could give you is to learn from the experience.