BF leaves you.. yet your still in love with him..

[johnnyc77]

Re: BF leaves you.. yet your still in love with hi

Hello!

I am so sorry to hear of your recent break-up. My heart goes out to you and I will answer this thread as someone who just recently went through a similar situation. Believe me when I tell you - I understand.

I was with my partner for 10 years, and on the 10th anniversary (on THE day) I was told that he didn't love me anymore...we had a house, 2 cars, cats, a dog, the whole lot! What was I to do? I decided that if I was going to go through it, I had to be as far away from his as possible to be able to be in a position of moving forward....so I moved halfway across the country to be closer with my family....it was by FAR the hardest thing I have ever done...I was devastated, broken, and internally dead.

Everyone gave me their own personal advices: Keep busy, hang out with friends, meet new people, work a lot, etc....I did every single one of those things and at first I thought I'd never get through it. Then this little thing called "time" passed, and sure enough, things got easier. I worked a lot, I threw myself into one of my favorite activities and made sure I did it as much as I could, and basically made it so I didn't have a whole lot of time to sit around and think. Even still, did I think of my ex? Did I miss him? Did I wonder where he was and what he was doing? Yup...sure did. Still do to this day, though not nearly as often or to quite the extreme as I was. This, too, will happen for you. It happens with everyone that goes through this situation. All it takes is time...there is no magical cure, nor will it happen overnight, but I promise you with much conviction, that you will heal and that you WILL make it. Here I am almost a year later and I'm doing fantastically! Actually, a lot of doors have opened for me in my personal life that never would have if I was still in the relationship I was in. There IS a big picture here....you just need the time to keep taking steps back to see the whole thing instead of being so close that you are only focusing on a single brush-stroke.

I wish I could give you the perfect answer and you are going to read this and the other posts that will follow this and say to yourself, "that won't work!" or "yeah, but you don't understand how I feel right now!"....trust me - we get it. We know. You will too, in time.

I wish you the best of luck, keep us posted here, and drop a line if there is any other advice we can offer. Hang in there...you'll do great!!

-J

 

[racer2438]

Re: BF leaves you.. yet your still in love with hi

well I, would not have let someone tell me what/who I can see or do or be with.

Sounds like you are Not in control of your own life.

Until you take that control and stand str8t up and walk holding your head high.

You may need a long time. Pain you are feling may take some time. But seems you need to explain the misunderstanding that occured.


It is real simple--->> call him, go to where he is and tell him the truth.

nither one of you can read minds. So until you two talk and set it right. You both may be "what if".

 

[techboywi]

Re: BF leaves you.. yet your still in love with hi

You were in way too deep emotionally. Cry it out and let go. Each time you cry about it, you move forward. Even if you get back together with him, you should not allow yourself to become so emotionally dependent on another person. There's a chance you could be with him again, but for heaven's sake don't get in so deep emotionally! YOU are your real source of happiness, not any other person. In one sense, it's kind of good that this happened, because you were far too deeply invested emotionally. You need to heal and grow from this experience and become more emotionally independent. You need to be apart from him for a while to achieve that. No contact whatsoever for a while. No messages, calls, visits, no communication of any type, at least until this part of it has resolved inside you. At some point you might have some kind of relationship with him again, but don't cling to that ray of hope as your lifeline to happiness. Instead let him go and cry it out, and choose to re-assign the emotional connection from him, back to you. Be for yourself what you would have wanted him to be for you. Become a more complete and self-sufficient entity in and of yourself. You'll be a lot happier in the long run for doing that. Eventually it might happen that you will start seeing him again or communicating with him, but I'll bet by that time you won't want him any more. As far as your family, don't be with people who don't love you enough to accept you exactly as you are, not who they want you to be. Even if they are close blood relatives, they have to love you and accept you if you are going to allow them to be in your life at all.

I couldn't of said it better myself!!

 

[Muscles4daze]

Re: BF leaves you.. yet your still in love with hi

Well..... th My BF always said be honest with him.... so I did and I told him that even though I still loved him very much we would probably have to break up cause Mum was threatening to disconnect the net. My partner didn't take the news well - understandably. But then things with my Mum got better (over the next two days - I think she was taking her own frustrations in life out on me)...... and I naturally thought everything would be okay again. She is still giving me a hard time...... but not threatening me about the net.

That was not a smart move at all, in Order to safeguard his heart he probably said let me leave this guy alone, because in the end he will hurt me. If you found someone who made you happy, you shouldn't have let anyone interfere with your happiness. You will get through this though, it's going to take a little time but you will get through this.

 

[swarley]

Re: BF leaves you.. yet your still in love with hi

if your mom disconnected the internet couldn't you call him, text him, or go see him? I think you have to ask yourself, was it love or lust? I think if it was love you should do more than just trying to get him back over the internet. I also noticed this is your first (gay) relationship and that break-up is always the hardest. But if you don't get back together, just know that when you find somebody else you'll realize that this is all trivial and not that big of a deal

 

[danniflava]

Re: BF leaves you.. yet your still in love with hi

Is this a guy you met online, & only spoke to online? Or is this a face-to-face relationship. I think it's important to distinguish...

 

[tallguy297]

Re: BF leaves you.. yet your still in love with hi

Hey MD,

Mate, love is a bloody beautiful and yet bloody painful thing theres no doubt. And when you fall, especially as you have, with the guy who seemed to empower you and open you up - the first guy that showed you that being gay wasnt a life sentence of unhappiness and loneliness, then the hurt just multiplies.

To you he seemed to be the key, your strength and your inspiration. So without him you lost your direction, your guidance and your support.

Or so you think.

Mate, you have sold yourself way short here. You underestimate your strength and your courage and you havent yet realised just how incredible a guy you are.

He didnt change you, he didnt open you up, he didnt make some of the toughest and most difficult decisions any person ever has to face - YOU DID.

Forget why you did it for a moment and try to understand what YOU have achieved in such a short time.

You faced up to the realisation that you were gay.
You took a chance on opening up to a guy.
You actually let yourself love and trust a guy.
You found the courage to come out.
You made choices that hurt but that had to be made.

In the space of a few short months you have found wisdom and maturity, you've faced demons and you've opened up with an honesty thats almost unheard of.

And yet you think he did this for you. Trust me he didnt. Yeah he might have inspired you, but he didnt face your mum. He didnt make those choices. You did. And you need to feel proud and strong and you need to realise how important those things are.

Because mate despite the pain you feel right now, you took steps to make sure that you wont be lonely. That you wont look at being gay as a sentence. That you wont spend a lifetime lying to your family and friends.

First loves are always important, they are always special and often that admiration and passion never fades completely. They'll always have a place in us. Be grateful mate that you got to meet him and spend time with him and to love him. He taught you things about yourself that you may have never known otherwise.

And while you hurt and while time marches on let your sadness be replaced with pride. A pride that comes from knowing that you have grown so much, that you learned to love... and that you know one day when you do it again you'll be ready to give yourself like you didnt think you ever could.

 

[iknarfink]

Re: BF leaves you.. yet your still in love with hi

You're way better off without the dork wad!!!!!