BF wants me to pretend I'm his friend

[danniflava]

I don't think he is ashamed of lostinnc, I think he is ashamed of himself. This is something that he will have to get over in time, and it sounds like he is a reasonable guy. I know that in my first relationship, I had serious issues going to public places with my boyfriend (I am still not all that great with it); and he was very understanding, and let me work through that at my own pace.

The key is for him to tell you what he is comfortable with, and you to do the same for him.

But if he wasn't ashamed of his boyfriend, it would be okay for lostinnc to accompany him w/ his friends as a gay friend of his. But he's not even allowed to do that!

lostinnc, you have to ask yourself this: how can somebody love you if they don't love themselveS?

 

[G-Lexington]

Being "out" doesn't mean waving rainbow flags and squealing when "your" Britney song comes on the radio. (Unless you want it to.) It simply means not lying. And that's what this entire thread was about. Not about "being in-your-face about it", but lying. "Don't tell my friends you're my boyfriend."

Lex

 

[evil_danger]

As you say each person has a right time to come out, he cares for you and wants to show you off as the person he cares about. Only hes in the closet.

If I was in your position I would respect his wishes and just be his friend for the time you're with his friends, but I would never lie about my own sexuality.

 

[Crackberry]

My feeling is why is it important that everyone know my sexual preference? It'd be different if I'm going somewhere specifically to deal with it. "Hey, I invited this chic over for dinner. Why don't you come by?" Then sexual preference becomes an issue. But just hanging out? You're being gay is simply not an issue either way. I think sometimes we forget that being gay is simply a reality for us. If we want to be 'equal' then it shouldn't be anymore important for us that people "know" in every situation we're in than it is for straight people.

If you are being introduced to your boyfriend's friends as his "friend", then you're lying. It really can't be broken down any further than that.

 

[hotatlboi]

If you are being introduced to your boyfriend's friends as his "friend", then you're lying. It really can't be broken down any further than that.

Well, it's not really a lie, it's not giving all the information. They ARE also friends.

Relationships where two lovers are not also friends rarely work out well.

 

[amyleeisjesus]

If you are being introduced to your boyfriend's friends as his "friend", then you're lying. It really can't be broken down any further than that.

You really have a fetish for thread necrophilia. I think you've dragged something like five or six months-old threads out of their graves today. Usually dead convos should remain undisturbed.

 

[racer2438]

Your call.

If I was in this position, I might considering meeting them as just his friend. This will give you a better feel for him and his friends, and the dynamic between them. And his friends potentially could be cooler with his coming out if they get to know you as a person first rather than "the guy who turned him gay" (as some ignorant folks are wont to do). I could probably do this so long as I wasn't forced to lie. I wouldn't have any trouble not kissing him or holding hands with him while together, and letting him answer any questions about "us".

But that's up to you. The lies might have to go deeper than just "we're just friends". ("So how do you know Fred?" "We met at the bathhouse...I mean, Bed Bath and Beyond...I mean the monster truck rally.") Don't feel the need to go through with it if you don't want.

Lex

You should listen to "Lex"


he is always right on with great advice. I dont see the problem, if you love him you would what it takes to make the situation work for the best. You would be able to see how there interaction is and that will tell you alot. Doing this a few times to get the feel for them will give you a great perspective.

But instead it seems when he needed you, you turned your back to him. That in it self paints a picture to him of who you really are and what you think of him... you should have been more understanding...