Bi?

[Haggis16]

I have a good mate, who acts very straight, and obviously likes girls. But when he's around some guys, not all just some, he gets really flirtacious. Especially round me. I'm bi, but no-one knows, except him (I metioned something when we were drunk, no idea if he remembers), He's constantly doing stuff like stroking my leg, or pretending to cop a feel. He regularly does stuff like come up behind me and just stand there pessed against me and then laughs it off etc etc.

I can't tell if he's just extremely confortable with his sexuality, or he likes the odd guy. He said when he was drunk he was, this may sound silly "Maybe 3 % bi" lol.

So, what do you guys think? I REALLY like him, we've been best mates for ages. Should I confront him?

 

[Frafilippolippi]

What do you want from this guy? Just to have him open up? Romance?

The answer to that will affect the responses you receive I think.

 

[Haggis16]

I'd love to have some sort of relationship with him, i.e more than just friends, but I'm not unrealistic, I know that won't happen. I'd just like him to open up, and if he is a little bi, that he would stop flirting so much with me because it's making me want something more.

The again, if he just wanted to give guys a try, then I wouldn't complain either

 

[Frafilippolippi]

Honesty is the best policy and all that, so if you're not even sure he knows you're bi then that's where you should start. Just say "did you know I was bi?" and see what happens. He may take it in stride, he may wonder if you're hitting on him, he may jump you! As I get older I realize that being up front is the best way to go.

 

[lovecrazedkid]

You know, I have a friend and we're kinda in the same boat, neither of us has said anything but there have been "incidents". I'm sure if you wait it out the right moment will arise and something interesting will happen.

 

[ejbonk]

Honesty is the best policy and all that, so if you're not even sure he knows you're bi then that's where you should start. Just say "did you know I was bi?" and see what happens. He may take it in stride, he may wonder if you're hitting on him, he may jump you! As I get older I realize that being up front is the best way to go.

I agree. Next time he starts flirting with you. Just take him aside and tell him. "You know I'm Bi,or did you forget?" If,He say yeah I know. Then,ask him what,he's up to because ,It's confusing the hell out of you.

You need to know is he just horsing around or does he half right out fancy you.

Good Luck.

 

[snake2236]

i agree with the above, i have freinds that do it to me all the time and annoys the fuck outta me. just do what ejbonk says tell him and explain that what he's doing is unfair.

 

[Eternaldarkness]

maybe he has an itch he wants you to help scratch?

hahahahah. I'm just playing, man.

Trust me, most of the things said during drunk are the things that people will most likely remember more!

He's definately up to something if he doing those things to you.

I agree with the people above. Remind him you're bi and see what he really wants.

And if its about that itch then you should help him.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

So, he is flirting, getting all touchy-feely? Why not respond in kind? If he can do it as a 'str8 dude', you can do it as a bi-dude, too.

I also go with 'the honesty being the best policy', yet, I also see a point in claiming that the 'actions speak (much) louder than words'.

So, give it a try, without verbalizing the whole experience and without opening up the whole 'gay-bi-str8-identity' debate.

Eventually, you want to have fun with this dude. He seems to be pretty interested in you, too. His actual sexual identity as in his percentage of being gay vs. bi or str8 is rather irrelevant.

SC

 

[conrad]

Why not just concentrate on being a friend? Friends often have a way of becoming more that just friends. When you find that you both want and need some kind of physical contact to show how you feel about each other you are on your way. The bonds of friendship and love are such that the parties do come to the point where sex between them happens and it seems the most natural and right thing. Here the sex is fantastic because two people are using the intimacy of sex to confirm and strengthen the bonds that have come to exist between them. And, such sex is fantastic and only become more so with each repeat. Think about it: a mere sexual hook up as in casual sex does not often lead to a deep relationship, but a deep relationship does often lead to the kind of sex that is everyone's dream of heaven. Masturbation will get you off; quickie casual sex will get you off; but, most men would like something better. Don't settle for less than the best!

 

[Haggis16]

Thanks for the replies guys!

The flirtinghe's been doing has been getting more and more full on. Even other people have commented on it now. I want to say something, but don't know. I love being his best mate, I've never been so close with anyone before. But I don't want to ruin it, so I'm unsure and then again I don't want to miss my chance if there is something there.

 

[Puzuzzu]

hey sweetie, if you ask me, I'd definitely say he is bisex.

 

[evil_danger]

I had a 'straight' guy almost a year ago who would make advances at me when he was drunk, eventually we spent a drunken party constantly making out, but he would never say hes bi, now hes got a girlfriend and would rather forget it happend.

Some straight guys are flirty, some are flirty and curious, but don't let any curious playing get you hurt. I'm still a bit stung from my straight guy and that was almost a year ago.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Personally, I believe in a "don't shit where you eat" approach.

If this guy is your good mate, is it worth losing him as a friend if you try for a failed romance, or even a failed attempt at one because he's not sure where he is?

I firmly believe it's best to leave your friends as your friends and not your lovers. Just a thought.

-d-

 

[Haggis16]

Big update!

There was a party last night, and the guy and I were sleeping on the sofa bed. He'd been flirting with me more than ever last night and I thought "you know what, what the fuck" and I just moved closer to him. He didn't move. I began stroking his leg with my foot, he didn't move. I then reached my leg over him and "accidentally" brushed his crotch. He still didn't move or say anything so I thought "Well, why not"" and reached over.

I know we were both half asleep, but surely the fact I just gave the guy a handjob (though, admitedly not for long, and I didn't finish "the deed" ) would imply something about his sexuality. We hasn't been drinking, so he wasn't out of it. He was defintely at least partially awake tpp, so it's not like I was just having some fun for the hell of it without him knowing.

When we woke up he just looked at me for a second and then everything was completely normal, no strangeness and he didn't act at all wierd. I'm still worried about college tomorrow though, he's in my classes and form/my best mate so I'm still worried it might be awkward.

If nothing gets mentioned, what should I assume? That he enjoyed it, but doesn't want it happening again? That he isn't saying anything so as not to appear gay but would love for me to "reach over" again sometime? Or that he wants me to tell him I'm bi?

Argh! Help guys.

 

[ejbonk]

Hmmm,A very Interesting Situation You have here,Now. I would wait at least 3 days to see,if he comes forward privately to um for lack of a better word discuss things with you.

If,he does not come forward then ,You must go to him and discuss things privately.

Then,You will not only know where You stand with him,But also who is the Alpha Male in this start of a possible relationship.

 

[moto]

Big update!

That he isn't saying anything so as not to appear gay but would love for me to "reach over" again sometime?

Argh! Help guys.

exactly, thats the safest thing to do, you dont have to talk about it just let him let you do whatever you wanna do, just dont forget to be cautious and see if hes up for some more fun... then you make your move. Ayt


gudluck

 

[moto]

you know your situations kinda common, a lot of guys really does that (including myself, im a closet bi ) ,

id say im also playing the straightguy-flirting-with-the-bi-looking--guy for fun and maybe some pleasure too .... ill wait till i sensed that hes falling for me then make my move or most of the time(if im not that intrested) thats the end of the game
sort of like ego tripping...

but ive been in your situation too, i thought this guy was really into me and later i realize hes was just playing me coz he sensed that im bi and now he has a girlfriend and a baby,

so im thinking maybe hes just playing you, coz you told him your bi, and maybe he only wants you for casual sex, you know the "im straight, but dont mind gay guys sucking me" kinda thing

so be careful, my advice: dont talk to him about how hes actions makes you all bothered/confuse and that your starting to fall for him....

make sure you dont look like your really into him, KEEP IT COOL, PLAY HIS GAME, let him tell you what hes after and when he does, thats the time you make your move... whatever that move should be

save your self from the possible humiliation bro

 

[Haggis16]

Lol thanks for the advice. He doesn't actually know I'm Bi. A couple of mates do, but he doesn't. Well, that was until now unless he's really, really slow. I've not told him I like him that way, or I'm falling for him so for all he knows I could have just been bored and felt like something.

He's definitely a little player, I've seen him do it with girlfriends. I would never let someone do that to me, and I know exactly what he does in a relationship so there's no way he could play me anyway.

Still, I enjoyed "reaching over" more than I thought I would (It was the first time I've done it! *Lol*) and would love to do it a little bit more "intimately". There's a party next week, so I may get the chance again. I'll see how it goes tomorrow *looks at watch* today (shit!) at college.

I'll keep you guys updated. (Not that you care lol)

 

[954dude]

Keep on having your fun and/or be honest to him.

I have a few "straight" friends like this and I talk it out rather than guessing or being afraid to do anything. The jokes start to get you hot and you feel tempted to make a move. It's better to discuss it first and ask if he's into guys, if he's into you and how far can things go.

Remember, some things change friendships, some don't.