Big Issues. I don't know where to turn for help.

[WhiteWall]

So, lately my boyfriend and i have been arguing. Alot. About stupid shit. But it gets to me, the other day he said he wanted a "casual relationship" and when i asked what that meant he didn't know. The problem is, we live together. Our relationship really can't be all that casual. Then the other day he told me i couldn't touch him while he was on his laptop... on top of all of this previously he has cheated on me with his ex boyfriend and talks to another one of his ex's who flirts with him via text ALL the time.
When i try and talk to him about it i get told that i am being too sensitive and i'm over reacting but i feel unwanted and unloved. My issue is that i love him, a lot. i want him to be happy.
Last night i went up to the roof and i decided i was going to jump off because a life without me in it would be a lot better. After all, with me gone all the hassle he has to go through because of me would be gone too. Obviously i didn't jump off the roof, and i didn't for the wrong reasons. A mutual friend of ours was over at our apartment last night as well and when i didn't come back he went up to the roof because he was worried, he talked me down and i told him "with all due respect, you're the wrong person to be here right now", he understood what i meant. I feel like the fact that my boyfriend, who was drunk, couldn't even come upstairs and see me even though i asked him too.
Now i feel like i've fucked up big time because i tried to kill myself and he woke up this morning with no knowledge of it at all, and i just want this relationship to work. But i feel like right now i'm just in pain all the time and he can't see that... i don't know what i want because i definitely don't want to break up with him, but i also feel like pretty soon, maybe even now, there will be a time where its more important for me to look out for myself rather than him.
I dunno, i just have a hard time living life sometimes and lately things have been pushing me over the edge. I'm living the life i want to live, i just wish my relationship didn't put so much pressure on me all the time.

 

[swerve]

WOW...

So -- you've assessed your situation -- the WORST of which is you stay in a HORRIBLE relationship...

AND...

SOMEHOW -- you decided DEATH was BETTER than that???

Why not LEAVE your cheating and controlling boyfriend and spend some time by yourself appreciating BOTH you AND the world around you???

Oh...

And WELCOME to JUB!!!

We're actually a friendly group here -- regardless of the tone of this post...

 

[bw92116]

"don't want to break up with him"

Why??? He's horrible and this is a terrible relationship.

Why would you want to stay in it?

And yes, this is a friendly group.
Just ignore the verbal beating I'm giving you.
I do have a sweet side.

So, anyway. Why?????????????

 

[Rolyo85]

OK, drama boy, I think a big calm down of the "the fuck" variety is in order here.

So let's do a quick inventory of the situation. You are dating a guy who:

1. Doesn't want you nearly as much as you want him.
2. Has cheated on you.
3. Is consistently flirting with others.

...and somehow that led to you attempting suicide? Because... uh... why? From your own post it seems you wanted his attention, maybe somehow guilt trip him into loving you more and caring for you more so you wouldn't kill yourself? Such emotional blackmail is monstrous, and even though I am 80% certain you weren't actually thinking that was your goal, I think that if you introspect a bit on the situation, you might find it isn't far off mark.

From your topic I get two things:

1. You are seriously suffering. This relationship is not good to you. I don't know your personal circumstances (for example how long have you guys been together, how long have you lived together, how old are you, are you employed, etc), but from what you wrote, I would say that you need time away from him. I know living together makes this hard, but it might b necessary.

2. You need a little bit of counseling. You should speak to someone about your problems, someone who will understand and maybe give you some insight, but isn't part of your circle and won't be emotionally involved. Attempting suicide because you don't feel loved in a relationship, is not ok. You need to have a LOT more self-respect than that. Perhaps if you talked to a professional about it, it would help.

 

[HunterM]

Welcome to JUB.

Yep. Go get professional counseling to help you sort out your emotions.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to JUB. I'm very worried. You need to stay off the roof and stop trying to scare your boyfriend into being something he's not. Emotional blackmail could kill you and you deserve a full and happy life. If you are not getting your needs met you'll have to reevaluate your relationship and realize that you are an independent person able to survive alone and thrive. At that point you won't have to settle and would be able to have a relationship of equals.

It's very important you get some help and the easiest way to do that is by finding a good therapist. Low self esteem and thinking you need a relationship to be complete are two things I'd suggest you work on.

The main thing is that you take some action immediately. Good luck and best wishes. Come back here often.

 

[bankside]

You are staying with "who you want your boyfriend to be."

I think you need to break up with "who your boyfriend is."

It's totally fair if it makes you sad and shed a tear that you don't get to be with "who you want your boyfriend to be." But you've never been with that person. And if you break up with "who your boyfriend is" I think you should do it with a smile on your face and a deep sigh of relief that you never have to look at him again.

And you came down off the roof because you knew there had to be a better way in life, which may be the smartest thing you've ever done.

Like the others, I say you're always welcome here to talk about what's going on, and it's also probably a good idea to get some professional counselling to help things level out.

 

[AngolaZee]

Why would you kill yourself for a guy who obviously does not give a shit about you. I'm assuming the only reason you are staying with him is because you cant afford your own place, because if you can afford your own place you should have left that place long ago. He wont even miss you. You can not be in love alone, grow some self esteem and stand up on your own two feet and MOVE ON. Think about your parents, siblings, family. Is this guy more important than them. Nope.