Bipolar relationships

[SonOfSlobone]

I had called him at about 10pm, he didn't answer but he texted me back very quickly telling me he was driving - it was a kinda funny message too. I texted him back "Drive Safely".

Called him at 11pm, no answer. Again at 11.20pm, no answer. He texted me shortly afterwards - "Just got out of the shower, heading to bed. Goodnight".

Within seconds, I texted him back "Are you not talking to me?"

He replied and told me he wasn't talking to anybody and wasn't "in the mood for people".

I texted him back "Goodnght. Hope to see you tomorrow."

I suggest you not call/text so often. Do it once, and then don't do it again until he's responded to the first one. Otherwise you might come off as a little desperate.

Anybody can have perfectly good reasons why they don't want to talk at a particular time. Probably he was tired and just wanted to go to bed. It didn't necessarily have anything to do with you.

And stop overanalyzing. Knowing he's bipolar will help you understand him, but it can never be the whole story of who he is. He's not "bipolar guy", he's -- himself.

 

[sillyboy26]

Today has been one hell of a day for me.....and I just feel absolutely helpless.

He has brought me so much happiness since we met - happiness that I have not felt in many years - but now it pains me to death to see him go through all these symptoms and I can only wish that there is more that I can do for him.

I was hoping to see him today but we couldn't meet for lunch because he didn't get a lunch break today.

We exchanged a few texts today.....

My last text to him in the afternoon was "........can I see you tonight?"

No reply to that one.....I told myself he must have had to get back to work.

Then tonight, I called him. He didn't answer. He texted me telling me he's home but he didn't feel like talking again.

We exchanged another 2 messages....

I couldn't help but tell him in my last message that it hurts me very much to see him having to go through all this shit. I told him that I miss him very much and I wish that I could do more to support him. And finally, I said "I really hope that we could do lunch tomorrow."

He went quiet after that........

He deals with customers all day so I can understand his frustration with people in general.

But I really cannot help myself wondering if there is more to his behavior than just his bipolar disorder.....like, I mean, is he trying to avoid me, is he sick of me, or something? I know that deep down inside of me - I refuse to believe that. It's just my head playing games - I tell myself.

 

[rareboy]

God.

I wish that everyone would just try to leave their little texting toys alone for a day.

It used to be that adults could go an entire 8 hours without having to chatter.

So he's quiet.

Try it.

Be still.

Just leave him alone.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

But I really cannot help myself wondering if there is more to his behavior than just his bipolar disorder.....like, I mean, is he trying to avoid me, is he sick of me, or something? I know that deep down inside of me - I refuse to believe that. It's just my head playing games - I tell myself.

Well, that's certainly a possibility. General rule of thumb -- if somebody wants to be with you, he will get in touch with you.

Sure, a little prompting now and then can be helpful with somebody who has attention issues or is going through a difficult time. But I don't think it helps to be constantly trying to contact somebody who doesn't respond.

Make a rule for yourself -- something like "no more than one unanswered text a day." He might even find you more appealing if you play hard to get...

 

[thewiz]

The second guy that I dated was not only bi-polar but also ADD and ADHD. I like to affectionately refer to it as my "five year relationship over two weeks."

As mentioned in the earlier posts Reuben would feel good and would stop taking his medications. He would be abusive and would almost literally consume friends. His sexual appetite would exhaust me (and I thought I had a high sex drive -- depending on where he was at in the med cycle he would be cumming 10 or 12 times a day). He would sleep; he would not sleep at all.

I tried to help him for a period but recognized that if he chose not to help himself I was only going to enable the irrational and destructive behavior. The only thing wilder was the call from his father telling me his son was not gay but that I should take care of him!

All of his friends along with me avoided him for some time; it forced him to seek help (actually he was committed which is another long story). I recently saw him out and talked with him -- he was pretty normal acting. I can always tell when he is taking his meds and when not.

Today he sent out an email to everyone on his email list (which is usually an indication the meds are not being taken) all typed with cap letters, lots of exclamation points, and sprinkled liberally with "Amens." I chose to keep him at a distance.....and will continue to do so.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

^^^ Yeah, going off medications is usually a really bad idea, with any illness. And it's not unusual for the person to say "the doctor told me I could."

 

[sillyboy26]

Make a rule for yourself -- something like "no more than one unanswered text a day." He might even find you more appealing if you play hard to get...

I'll try this one out....

I texted him this morning asking if he'd like to meet up for lunch. No replies yet and it's mid-afternoon now. I'll try and resist texting him again.

The second guy that I dated was not only bi-polar but also ADD and ADHD. I like to affectionately refer to it as my "five year relationship over two weeks."

As mentioned in the earlier posts Reuben would feel good and would stop taking his medications. He would be abusive and would almost literally consume friends. His sexual appetite would exhaust me (and I thought I had a high sex drive -- depending on where he was at in the med cycle he would be cumming 10 or 12 times a day). He would sleep; he would not sleep at all.

Since you mentioned ADD and ADHD, I might just add that when we first met, and we talked about what we wanted in out "other halves", I have just remembered that he did mention something like "I love attention, and I want him to give me all his attention" or something along the lines of that.

I don't think he has ADD but I think it's just him wanting attention. I also know that he doesn't like to display his "weaknesses" so I'm just concerned that if I reduce communication or "play hard to get" - it will just drive him further away.

This boy is the total opposite of your ex - it seems that way. Your ex was all powered up but my boy seem to be down and feeling lethargic. The last time I saw him on the 14th, we went out to dinner, and he was already too tired for anything else!

 

[SonOfSlobone]

OK, maybe "hard to get" was the wrong way to put it. But all I'm saying is, it takes two to make a relationship. If you're putting yourself out there and he's not responding, it's at least possible that he's losing interest. Especially since, as you said, you'll be going your separate ways in August.

For your own sake it might be a good idea not to invest so much energy in him. Let him know you're still his friend, and you'd love to get together any time he wants to.

Check back with him from time to time to see how he's doing. But really, at this point the ball is in his court.

 

[sillyboy26]

Thanks guys for all your stories, thoughts, and advice.

I managed to not text him any more than the ONE text that I sent this morning asking him if he'd like to meet up for lunch.

I waited until 9pm and I called him. He didn't answer so I shot him another text telling him I really do care about him and I want to be there for him. I asked if there is something that I have done wrong or if there is something that I should do. I told him I missed him.

He texted me back not too long afterwards and explained to me how he needs to be left alone for a little bit because he believes that it will help him, he's "over people" but told me not to take that personally.....and he ended with "I like you but this isn't going to be long term".

I told him that I've done my research and I know about those symptoms. I told him that I hope he'll nonetheless still text me at the very least so that I know he's OK. And finally I said "We don't know what the future holds....so let's just make the most of our time together for now."

I don't know what lies ahead but I hope that there will be brighter days ahead.......

 

[bankside]

Thanks guys for all your stories, thoughts, and advice.

I managed to not text him any more than the ONE text that I sent this morning asking him if he'd like to meet up for lunch.

I waited until 9pm and I called him. He didn't answer so I shot him another text telling him I really do care about him and I want to be there for him. I asked if there is something that I have done wrong or if there is something that I should do. I told him I missed him.

He texted me back not too long afterwards and explained to me how he needs to be left alone for a little bit because he believes that it will help him, he's "over people" but told me not to take that personally.....and he ended with "I like you but this isn't going to be long term".

I told him that I've done my research and I know about those symptoms. I told him that I hope he'll nonetheless still text me at the very least so that I know he's OK. And finally I said "We don't know what the future holds....so let's just make the most of our time together for now."

I don't know what lies ahead but I hope that there will be brighter days ahead.......

Like it or not, everyone is entitled to have a short fling that doesn't get too deep, and as you know, even bipolar people. It sounds like, bipolar or not, he doesn't want to get too close to you. That is one of those things where you might have to say "love sucks" because it seems to me that he is saying your time together might not be over but it is kind of evaporating fast.

 

[sillyboy26]

I didn't even try to call him today. I texted him tonight just to see how his day went.

He texted me back almost immediately telling me that something bad happened at work today - it wasn't very pleasant.

I texted him back some words of encouragement and he told me that he will be taking time off soon to go see his doctor and go back on medications!!!

I asked him if he's going to the doctor tomorrow, but he hasn't replied.....but I'm just glad and relieved that he is still "talking".

 

[sillyboy26]

But really, at this point the ball is in his court.

Guys, I can understand if some of you are sick of my posts but this whole thing is driving me crazy and JUB is just somewhere I can vent. I appreciate everyone's posts and those who have sent me PMs as well but please bear with me.....

SonOfSlobone.....I don't know why it's so hard for me to leave the ball in his court. I've drastically cut down on my texting and I don't think I can cut down any further because I'm really really scared of losing him. Call me clingy or needy, but I'm thinking, he's the one with a condition, so doesn't that mean he would need more support and attention? I don't know.....

I haven't seen him for nearly 2 weeks, I haven't heard his voice for a week. All I have are those short messages.....and I'm really lost. Sometimes I feel like it's over but my gut feeling says that it is not him doing all this to me, it is the condition that is screwing him up!!!!!

Yesterday, I texted him "Good morning and a few positive words. I was ecstatic when I got a "Thanks" from him. I wasn't expecting because for the past few days, he would ignore my morning text. At night, I texted to see how his day went. He replied it was shitty so I texted him back some more words of encouragement, reminded that I cared and stuff like that. Once again, I did not expect a reply but surprisingly, he replied me just before I went to bed....he said "Thank you".

Those to me were encouraging signs that he is OK.....

Today, I had ordered flowers to be delivered to his office, just to surprise him and cheer him up. So when he got it this morning, he texted me "You have ruined my hardass image bla bla bla". It was a joke, of course. I felt like he was happy (for the first time this week) and that's all I wanted. I acted stupid....so he texted again to say thanks for the chocolates and flowers. LOL. Shot him another message "Muah....XXX" then came back another "Thank you "

I mean, this was totally unexpected - he has not texted me back so often this week at all - and I believed stronger that he's not playing me, it's his condition once again.....so maybe he was in a better mood today.

An hour later, I asked if he'd like to go to lunch.....he said "I'm gonna nap in the break room during lunch. Sorry mate."

My mind went blank.....I had no clue what to read of that. He has NEVER used that slang word before, ever. He would call me a dag but never mate. All his texts to me still had the smiley faces and stuff but this mate just freaked me out.

Maybe I'm just thinking too much.........

I texted him "Awww. Can we talk tonight? Please". Nothing came back.........

Yes, he's told me several times already throughout the week that he is sick of people but it really hurts me to the core that he would shut me out. I know that many bipolar articles have indicated that that is a symptom too but it's a hard pill to swallow.

Coupled with that, my mind isn't being very nice too - reminding me of the reality that maybe there is more to this than just his condition....but who knows?!

 

[sillyboy26]

Thanks guys......but it's all over now.

He texted me.....and I tried to change his mind. Sent a few texts. He wouldn't answer my call but he did tell me that he didn't answer my call because if we talked and agonized over it, we will only be upset. He told me to just leave it. Maybe he is right, at least we didn't argue or anything. I don't know but not even hearing his voice......

He kept on telling me he liked me.....but he's doing what is best for him and his health. He apologized, but if anything, it should have been me apologizing for coming into his life, for causing his health to suffer, for not being able to be here longterm......

Someone had PMed me a few days and suggested that I try convince that we can make it a workable long distance relationship - I guess it's too late now to even try.

I'm sad, I'm lost and I really don't know what to do.

I was just reading another thread about some guy's boyfriend being out of his league, maybe I'm the next victim. Maybe he really was out of my league. Yes, he was bipolar but he was just too cute for me. I would have been the troll walking next to him everytime we went out.

Thanks for listening. I guess I just need to move on......but that's not going to be easy.

We did not part hating each other. I still care for him, I miss him and I know that I will want to know that he is OK. I know that if I text him in the days to come, I will be agonizing over it. If I don't, it will make me look like a bastard, just leaving him and not caring about him anymore.