On Topic Discussion Birthday Activity Suggestions?

[MattyMoonTonight]

It's good that you know this but you might also want to stop for a sec and consider what it is exactly that you are trying to achieve. Are you looking for friends and dating or are you intent on ingratiating yourself into the scene in general? Introverts, as I'm sure you know, do not necessarily find much comfort in many "scenes". Add to this the fact that the whole concept of "scenes" has been fractured by internet culture and you could be setting yourself up for more discouragement

Now you're on the right track. This is an excellent idea. You will increase your odds for success if you enter into things with your interests in mind. What are your biggest passions? Whatever they are, you will be sure to find a niche for them in any sizeable city. Seek them out. Better yet, maybe gravitate toward the interests you have that are commonly shared by people who engage with alternative cultures. Museums are not a bad place to start. Drag shows not so much.

There are gay men everywhere, not just in bars. In fact, the quality and potential of the people you might come to talk to will rise sharply the further you wander away from the bar scene.

Also, circling back a bit, I feel like I should mention that no matter what happens, do not allow yourself to be led anywhere by your dick.

You're right, I should figure out what I want first before executing any plans, but I increasingly feel like I have no time to waste. I've already wasted enough time chasing a dream that never came to fruition, so any more time wasted is going to increase my chance of future failure. That's just how it is the older I get, and I'm not getting more attractive as I age. The truth is I want all of it; I want to be part of a community, to make friends, to have a relationship, to get laid from here to Saturn. I suppose the internet really has ruined my sense of goals and planning; funny how advancing telecommunications only does the opposite of their intended purposes.

There are some problems with seeking out those interests that I would share with others; many of those hobbies are solitary by nature; summer is over, so I don't believe many LGBT people are out in the open anymore; you can't tell who is straight or not, and here in Minnesota, making a mistake can lead to a trip to the hospital, if you can make it. I don't know how people can do it without any trepidation.

Focusing on your interests is always a good option. It's a good reason to take trip, or join a group and meet interesting people. And very often some of these people are gay, too. And some of them can become good friends.
That's something I never imagined at 20, but it's true.

I agree. The hard part is finding them. They seem to stop existing once summer is over. I also have a problem with vacations and spending money or time on myself; it's just what I grew up believing: if you spent money on something you can't really use, that doesn't have a viable function, then you wasted money.

sex

If only. The Midwestern states isn't exactly a hot spot for fun.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

If only. The Midwestern states isn't exactly a hot spot for fun.

a literal cornucopia of men: construction workers, yuppies, latinx, irish and everything in between, you have a buffet of men from which you may feast upon. you need a good wingman.

 

[Peloso]

a literal cornucopia of men: construction workers, yuppies, latinx, irish and everything in between, you have a buffet of men from which you may feast upon. you need a good wingman.

Fabs, sweetie, the Village People weren't real.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Fabs, sweetie, the Village People weren't real.

shittin me, the 2025 version is a pastor, an onlyfans model, a struggling college student and a black.

 

[Peloso]

OP: Have you thought about joining the Republican party? It seems that events for republican voters have become veritable meat markets.

 

[rareboy]

Focusing on your interests is always a good option. It's a good reason to take trip, or join a group and meet interesting people. And very often some of these people are gay, too. And some of them can become good friends.
That's something I never imagined at 20, but it's true.

This is the advice I would also give.

And look for friends everywhere...our best friends are straight and made through trips we've been on where we met them or through community activities and even just inviting neighbours for a barbecue or get together.

Talk to your counsellor about how to become more comfortable and outgoing. Being a good listener and helping others is a good start to building real friendships.

 

[MattyMoonTonight]

This is the advice I would also give.

And look for friends everywhere...our best friends are straight and made through trips we've been on where we met them or through community activities and even just inviting neighbours for a barbecue or get together.

Talk to your counsellor about how to become more comfortable and outgoing. Being a good listener and helping others is a good start to building real friendships.

It's difficult to comprehend this for me. For years, I only hear and see people wanting nothing to do with others. Any idea of friendships or companionship are mocked or treated with suspicion, even contempt. Nobody trusts anybody, or even sees a reason to. Trying doesn't work. I consider myself a good listener and I think I'm nice whenever I'm in a group or around people, but it's all like a masquerade; nobody wants anything to do with anybody else, but everyone's willing just enough to put on a mask and fancy clothes and fake kindness for a little while. The ones that don't want to put on a mask and eventually turn up on the evening news are probably the most representative types that people as a whole have to offer. I guarantee you, if anyone were to make an offer to help someone else (regardless of what needs being helped), it wouldn't be perceived with mutual consideration; there's skepticism, mistrust, spite, and resentment.

 

[rareboy]

I think much of what you've written is the stuff of discussion with a therapist. I won't dispute that much of social interaction is superficial and that most friendships may be situational and certainly not life-long, but you need to review what YOU are bringing to the table. And it starts with being and projecting to others that you are your own best friend. That you have interests of your own and have common interests with them or can develop new interests. And that there are neither expectations or conditions you are placing on friendship.

I read the above and think you've already written everyone off years ago...maybe as far back as childhood and are looking for validation that everyone else is the problem.

So maybe what you need to do is to become best friends, not only with yourself, but to animals that need fostering or volunteer support at shelters in your community?
Please don't tell me that you don't like or trust animals either.

 

[MattyMoonTonight]

I think much of what you've written is the stuff of discussion with a therapist. I won't dispute that much of social interaction is superficial and that most friendships may be situational and certainly not life-long, but you need to review what YOU are bringing to the table. And it starts with being and projecting to others that you are your own best friend. That you have interests of your own and have common interests with them or can develop new interests. And that there are neither expectations or conditions you are placing on friendship.

I read the above and think you've already written everyone off years ago...maybe as far back as childhood and are looking for validation that everyone else is the problem.

So maybe what you need to do is to become best friends, not only with yourself, but to animals that need fostering or volunteer support at shelters in your community?
Please don't tell me that you don't like or trust animals either.

I live outside of a small town in the woods. The only shelters are some hours away and they seem pretty full of workers when I pass by. I love animals; I can't recall a time in my life that hasn't been touched by at least one cat or dog. My cat Henry, a third-generation pet, passed away a week ago. He would have been twenty years old in December.

Outside of that, deer steal from my apple trees, and skunks and raccoons remind me they have more control over the property than I do. But that's not relevant.

I can't be a friend to myself because I have no talents of note, no accomplishments, no prospects. Every endeavor I've sought out I've failed at. The interests I have are boring and do not lead to anything of note.

 

[Franco Verum]

Piñatas and voodoo dolls. A peach daiquiri if you have a blender. Make your birthday special only to you.

 

[rareboy]

I live outside of a small town in the woods. The only shelters are some hours away and they seem pretty full of workers when I pass by. I love animals; I can't recall a time in my life that hasn't been touched by at least one cat or dog. My cat Henry, a third-generation pet, passed away a week ago. He would have been twenty years old in December.

Outside of that, deer steal from my apple trees, and skunks and raccoons remind me they have more control over the property than I do. But that's not relevant.

I can't be a friend to myself because I have no talents of note, no accomplishments, no prospects. Every endeavor I've sought out I've failed at. The interests I have are boring and do not lead to anything of note.

So what you are describing sounds like clinical depression. And some people are happy to be clincially depressed and wear it like a fine protective coat.

From what I am reading you don't love where you live and the isolation is adding to mental health stresses.

You won't do it of course, but I think you should move from the country to a town or city and become involved in daily social activities.

I say this because I am looking toward old age and realize that I will likely need to move from our farm, which I love, back into a local small city or even Toronto for my final years if anything happens to my partner. And for the resons I note above.

My plan would be to stay on here for one year and then move in order to help preserve my mental and physical well being.

Maybe this year, your birthday should be a time of reflection and planning for change.