Bis vs Gays - in real life

[hanshansen]

OK, so we all know that a lot of electronic mud-slinging goes on in the electronic Bi vs Gay wars, with a lot of statements being made in the abstract.

My question, to the bi guys who have seen a bit more of the world than I have, is, what are things like for you in real life? What has it been like for you to go to gay (GBLT) groups, if you've done that (not gay bars, but social groups etc.)? Did you feel like a fish out of water? Were you accepted into the fold? When did you mention that you were bi or not? How about being with gay friends? Are there tensions? Do you find yourself frequently talking about or justifying your sexuality or is it basically a non-issue? Has it been a big hurdle in forming relationships, if that's something you were persuing?

 

[TheTrish]

Hi, han! I go to a lesbian bar once a week at least, and it is great! I've met some really great people there, and they look out for me, even welcoming my boyfriend.

T

 

[Turkish]

I've rarely encountered any open face to face hostility, but I think maybe that is because most people are reluctant to be rude to another person's face. It is easier for people to do it anonymously over JUB and let their true thoughts come out. Just my take on the issue.

 

[luminum]

As a gay guy at the University, a lot of the people who come to the office are bisexual or don't associate with a label, and we all get along fine. Two of my friends are bisexual (actually, one just considers herself queer, the other identifies as bisexual) and I don't question their attractions. They like who they like.

Anyone who has a problem with their sexuality can fight me.

 

[hanshansen]

That's reassuring, thanks (as small as the sample is). I kind of expected this, given my past experiences of internet message groups (ever been in unmoderated classical music groups? The fights on here pale in comparison. And it's always 20 professional posters in a group with 50,000 members.).

I've rarely encountered any open face to face hostility, but I think maybe that is because most people are reluctant to be rude to another person's face. It is easier for people to do it anonymously over JUB and let their true thoughts come out. Just my take on the issue.

If people are willing to be polite to you (they aren't sarcastic, they don't give you the silent treatment, etc.) then at least you can talk to them and you can get to know each other. Some of them may not have any issues, some of them may end up making you an exception to their rule!

 

[paatreides]

I've never had any problems from any of my friends. Be they Gay, Straight, or Bi themselves. We've all gone to Gay & Straight clubs and never had a bit of trouble anywhere. I'd have to agree with the majority here and say that the only place it EVER becomes an "issue" is on net boards and in chat rooms.

Frankly, I've never understood why anyone would have a problem with someone saying they were bisexual. All that means - literally- is that one can be sexually attracted and become aroused and enjoy sexual activity with both genders. Nothing wrong with that.

And for those who say "There's no such thing as a bisexual, they are just gays in denial." go back and review the meaning of the Bell Curve. Human Sexuality follows that curve too. From Totally Str8 to Totally Gay and everything in between!!

 

[RRRalph]

Until I came to this site I didn't realise that some gays were really that bothered by bisexuality.

I feel exact the same way. Maybe it helps living in a more or less tolerant county like the Netherlands.

 

[Soilwork]

Meh.

There's a few bi guys who ride with my riding club. One of the guys used to hang out with us when it was just the guys, but he'd make a point of making sure that he worked in "Wow that girl's hot" every few minutes to remind us that he was bi.

We'd go out to a club and he'd just abandon us and go dance with girls then come back and go on and on about all the girls he was meeting.

I'm glad he stopped showing up at bike nights. He was annoying.

There's another guy who shows up with his girl friend on gay rides and she rides on the back of his bike. EVeryone's perfectly nice to them.. we have no reason not to be... but they never really get invited to social gatherings and people don't really know how to talk to them.

Yes, things are a bit more adversarial here on JUB than in real life, but when one of our friends told us that he was bi and dating a girl, the reaction was decidedly mixed.
Yeah, it sucks, but that's life.

 

[Ninja108]

Had some problem from friends that I was dating a bi guy but to me, they fact we're still together and they aren't with any of their bf/gf says all I need to know.

 

[hanshansen]

There's a few bi guys who ride with my riding club. One of the guys used to hang out with us when it was just the guys, but he'd make a point of making sure that he worked in "Wow that girl's hot" every few minutes to remind us that he was bi.

We'd go out to a club and he'd just abandon us and go dance with girls then come back and go on and on about all the girls he was meeting.

I'm glad he stopped showing up at bike nights. He was annoying.

He sounds like a prick.

There's another guy who shows up with his girl friend on gay rides and she rides on the back of his bike. EVeryone's perfectly nice to them.. we have no reason not to be... but they never really get invited to social gatherings and people don't really know how to talk to them.

Why?

When one of our friends told us that he was bi and dating a girl, the reaction was decidedly mixed.

How long did that (mixed reaction) last?

 

[Soilwork]

He sounds like a prick.

If that's the word you want to use. Honestly, and maybe I've just had extremely bad luck, most of the bi guys I've known are like that. Constantly harping on about "Wow.. check out her tits" or "She's HOT" every few minutes, working being bi in to every conversation and kinda treating the guys like a side-show.

I once went out on a date with a bi guy who spent most of his time dancing with the fag hags at the club we went to and totally ignoring me. At the end of the night he still expected to come back to my place to get some sex. (he didn't)

Why?

No idea. People just clam up around them. I do too. I never really know what to say. Bikers have rather foul mouths, and I never know what to say in the presence of a bi guy and his girl friend. I can't really talk about how her BF has a nice ass.

How long did that (mixed reaction) last?

still goes on, really. People are nice to him and he's still a friend, but when he's not there, people still make comments like, "is he still fucking that girl?" or "he's hot, but he's bi."

He always greets me with a hug and I'll always consider him a close friend, but oddly enough, even though he's totally hot, he's totally not attractive to many of us anymore.

Go figure.

 

[Soilwork]

OH.. but I should say that out of the Fratmen who are actually good friends on mine, three out of four are bi, and they're all totally cool, none of them have been jerks and it's never been an issue.

so even I can get past the whole thing.

 

[Soilwork]

Why not just make it a men's only event? He's out to his girlfriend, so why not pay her and him a compliment and say to her "you have nice taste in men your boyfriend is very handsome!" or something like that.

well... first, I woudln't even say that to a gay guy about his BF.

and even if I did say that which honestly... I think would be just weird... what do I say next... "too bad about that vagina or I'd ask you for a three-way?"

 

[Soilwork]

How's it weird? It seems like a more tactful comment than "Nice ass!" or "your boyfriend has a nice ass that I'd love to fuck!"

I just think it is. I'm not one to gush about how hot people are.

anyway who says that they have 3 ways or even an open relationship? Bisexuals can be monogamous in closed/exclusive relationships.

Never said they can't.

Theoretically if his girlfriend is one of those bi/hetero women that gets turned on by watching her boyfriend have sex with another guy, would you allow her to watch if she kept all of her clothes on and wasn't included in the sex at all?

Fuck no. I'd sooner give up sex altogether.