Bisexual or Gay???

[dapanzo]

Hi guys!

I am a bisexual man, and I have met another bisexual man. Question is, I wonder if he is really bisexual, or gay. It is really not important, but there are some things about his life that I don´t understand (from my bisexual point of view).

First of all I enjoy sex equally with men and women; and I can also get emotionally involved with box sexes as well. I only see the person, not the sex.

My lover was married with a woman for twenty-one years. Through all his marriage he masturbated with gay porn. His ex-wife has been the only woman he had sex with so far. He confessed me that they never spent time in bed in a romantic way (just naked and caressing to each other).
He told me that, although he enjoys sex with women, he finds sex with men more pleasurable and interesting than with women. He prefers men´s body to women´s body (although he also like women´s). He even told me that straight sex was great; but he was tired of the same after so many years only fucking his wife (tired of women when you are bi??).
He was scared to develop feelings for another guy, although he confessed me he was feeling something for me. He claims he has never felt gay (and whenever I ask him he is always nervous and uncomfortable about it).
When he was young he never was interested if girls checked him out; and he was always with his gay cousin. He feels more confident whenever a guy compliments him.

I don´t know if it is just my imagination, but I have the feeling he is gay; but he is not ready to face it. Or maybe this is another kind of bisexuality? I don´t know, but I cannot understand someone who calls himself "bi"; when he claims he is more interested in men.

What do you think? I would like to learn a bit more of bisexuality, because I just cannot understand this case. Anyway, he is a great guy; and I like him very much.
But I am still curious about it, I can´t help it!

 

[CGHJ]

I don´t know if it is just my imagination, but I have the feeling he is gay; but he is not ready to face it. Or maybe this is another kind of bisexuality?

Either's possible...you'll find a bunch of people answering that it's obviously the first option: gay but not able to face it, and that surely seems plausible enough. Then you'll also get a buncha replies from people who say that ANY contact with a woman implies bi-sexual by definition.

I prefer to judge on the sliding scale. 1-3 is gay, 4-7 is bi, and 8-10 is straight. Sounds like your man is probably a 3, with a -+1 margin of error. He'll have some attraction to women but mostly prefer men and is effectively gay, as far as your relationship is concerned.

That's just my scale, no accurateness or deep insight is implied.

 

[DualPurpose]

Either's possible...you'll find a bunch of people answering that it's obviously the first option: gay but not able to face it, and that surely seems plausible enough. Then you'll also get a buncha replies from people who say that ANY contact with a woman implies bi-sexual by definition.

I prefer to judge on the sliding scale. 1-3 is gay, 4-7 is bi, and 8-10 is straight. Sounds like your man is probably a 3, with a -+1 margin of error. He'll have some attraction to women but mostly prefer men and is effectively gay, as far as your relationship is concerned.

That's just my scale, no accurateness or deep insight is implied.

Don't invent your own scale when one created in 1948 has been widely accepted by the medical and scientific professions for a very long time!

KinseyInstitute.org/resources/ak-hhscale.html

0- Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual
1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual
4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6- Exclusively homosexual

I would give this person a five! I personally would be a four I think -- but would call myself bisexual.

DP.

 

[Willie Boy]

He could be bi, but uncomfortable around women. Concerned of their perceptions of him. Where as with a gay guy, he is more able to relax without the fear of being judged as he has the expectation that a guy who is into other guys will be more accepting of his being into other guys. I am bi myself and have talked with other bisexual guys who suffered from this exact issue. I would recommend stop trying to make him fit neatly into a label of your choosing and just accept him with his flaws (as you would, I expect, want him to accept you with yours) and just enjoy his company.

 

[dapanzo]

Thank you very much for all your answers! So, I see that it wasn´t my imagination; and that he is more into homosexuality than bisexuality.
It doesn´t matter to me. I like him, and I don´t care. It is just that I, as a bisexual man, don´t feel the same as him. I want to understand him, and I don´t want to force him to any change. I can tell the fear factor is inside him (he is 50 years old, and I´m 28 y.o; and obviously it wasn´t as easy when he was my age, as it is today for me).

 

[LoveIsNow]

What really matters is that he likes you, as long as he likes you, it doesn't matter who else he may or may not be attracted to. It's a silly question.

 

[dapanzo]

What really matters is that he likes you, as long as he likes you, it doesn't matter who else he may or may not be attracted to. It's a silly question.

It is just curiosity, because I am bisexual (like both genders equally); and he claims to be bi as well (when he is more into men).

 

[marcelloNYC]

I am usually a 3, but lately (last 2mos) feel a 4.