bisexual? really?

[justusboysfan_1234]

Bisexuality? Yeah, I buy it. Or to use your own words, it's a viable option. For outward traits like eye color, skin color, height, etc... we all fall in a spectrum, so why not inward traits as well, like sexual identity? Human beings are just way too complex to peg as one or the other with no in between. Now, just because there's such a thing as bisexuality doesn't mean that your friend is automatically bisexual just because he thinks he is. LOL. Could be just the guilt talking after the fact. And he's pretty young, so give him a break.
Give him some time, then revisit the issue. Depends on you, actually, and the amount of effort you want to invest in getting him back. If you think he's worth it, insecurities and all, I say go for it and give it a shot. If not, and you'll get over him easily, I say go out there and find other eligibles. There are, after all, other fish in the sea, and it's a big sea. Good luck in whatever you choose to do, and take care.

 

[tonyboy]

Question at the end if you don't feel like reading my story.

Ok gentlemen and ladies and all variations in between, I have a hard damn time buying bisexuality. I just don't believe you. Sorry. Maybe I'm just bitter. The guy I had my first relationship with (I'm 22 he's 18) pursued me relentlessly. He started working with me and obsessed over me. He text me for two weeks straight until he came over. Of course, when he did, we both confessed we had feelings for one another blah blah blah. He stayed the night and slept in my bed. Nothing sexual happened, but we did make out (first guy kiss for both of us). Well we talk about our lives etc. and I say I've always known I was gay just never wanted to admit it to myself or anyone else. He makes similar indications.

As the sexual aspects of the relationship progress, he tells me he is only bi. After we suck each other, he says he will never do that again. Then the next night, we're over. He says it is all too much for him despite the fact that he initiated the whole relationship!!! Not to mention he is very obviously on the feminine side - so much so that he sets gaydars off in neighbor states.

Now I'm stuck here at one in the morning frustrated and semi-heartbroken over a stupid kid and his identity crisis.

My question is this - how viable is bisexuality. I think, for most if not all,it is nostalgia, an attempt to hold on to last chance of a 'normal' (social view not personal) life style. Please share your thoughts - not rants.

Well, I figure you it the nail on the head man... It's his identity crisis.
Lot's of gay guys (especially young guys) call themselves bi.
I've seen it over and over on jub and in real life.

Usually it's cause for whatever reason they are not ready to say that they are gay.
And if this guy is just 18, well maybe he needs to adjust to fully accepting being gay. Nothing wrong with that. At least he's 'half way' there.

Not sure why you figure he must say he's gay... that is up to him.
If he likes to suck your dick and spend the night with you, well then... he's acting gay even if he doesn't want to say so.

Don't be heartbroken over a guy that likes to have sex with you just cause he figures he'd like to be known as bisexual.
Sex is fine a good man... doesn't really matter too much what the guy labels himself as... really, as long as you enjoy each others company why should you care how he chooses to label himself at this point in his life.

From what you wrote about your friend... I'd figure he is gay... he is on the fem side and does like to have sex with you... and he has persued you.
So, just take it that he likes you, be pleased that you've got someone that loves to be with you and wants to be with you.

And yep, there is a truly a group of people that are bisexual. Not sure if your friend is one of them. But that group does exist.
I've written to enough of them on jub to know that for a fact.

My belief is that a gay guy that wants a ltr should not get mixed up with a bi guy.

Usually a true bi guy will end up with a girl in the long run.
I've seen that time and time again man.

Seems to me you like this guy... and like to have fun with him... and good for you.

Bisexuality is a real deal man... I'm gay 100%.... but I know that there are others that can go both ways... I doubt your friend is like that though.

I hope you don't consitute what I've written as a rant.

tonyboy

 

[conrad]

Consider that some of us have found that we can love a man and be faithful in a relationship with a man, but we have also found that we can love a woman and be faithful in that relationship.

I prefer to call myself ambisexual because, while I have known both the love of men and of women, I have never attempted to be in a relationship with a man at the same time I was in a relationship with a woman. In my case, the dominant side of my sexuality allowed me to commit myself for life to be married to a woman. I have no regrets. But, do understand that that does not mean that I do not miss having a fully sexual relationship with a man. I liked having sex with a man. I also liked the sex I had with women other than my wife but I limit myself to one partner at a time. I loved all of my former partners and I love all of them still--we just don't have sex anymore. It's called being respectful toward one's present partner and respectful toward the present relationship of one's former partner.

Faithfulness in a relationship is very important and I assume that that has to be true whether one is gay, bi, or straight.

 

[Ben_1982]

The question of the existence of bisexuality is something that I see come up a lot, as people don't seem to believe that it's possible to possess an equal desire to be with a man or a woman. I can understand that, because to most people sexuality and many other two-sided concepts are like flipping a coin; it's all about which side is dominant, and it's incredibly rare for a coin to land balanced on its edge with neither side on top.

Aside from that, Tonyboy and Conrad put it nicely.

 

[Willie Boy]

Being bisexual myself, I would have to say that yes, bisexuality is real. I don't see what is so hard to understand about a person who can be attracted to both males and females. You wouldn't deny that hermaphrodites exist just because you don't want to accept them would you? And that is all it is. Many gay guys seem to be unable to accept that there are those of us who can enjoy both males and females.

 

[biguy732]

Being bisexual myself, I would have to say that yes, bisexuality is real. I don't see what is so hard to understand about a person who can be attracted to both males and females. You wouldn't deny that hermaphrodites exist just because you don't want to accept them would you? And that is all it is. Many gay guys seem to be unable to accept that there are those of us who can enjoy both males and females.

Thank you - some people just find it hard to accept the fact that it is possible to be attracted to both sexes.

 

[bankside]

As the sexual aspects of the relationship progress, he tells me he is only bi. After we suck each other, he says he will never do that again. Then the next night, we're over. He says it is all too much for him despite the fact that he initiated the whole relationship!!! Not to mention he is very obviously on the feminine side - so much so that he sets gaydars off in neighbor states.

Now I'm stuck here at one in the morning frustrated and semi-heartbroken over a stupid kid and his identity crisis.

This guy is not bisexual. If he was bisexual he would be enthusiastic about sex with a guy, even though he would also be enthusiastic about sex with a woman. The comment that really got me was "he is only bi" as though being bi was some kind of "gay lite."

Being bisexual lets you into both worlds, gay and straight, to enjoy fully. It isn't a compromise that falls short of being gay and falls short of being straight at the same time.

He has other issues, but bisexuality has nothing to do with your situation - he is only using it as a cop-out. Sorry to hear it.

 

[kingkhan]

^^^ I kind of agree w/ this analysis. But, don't be too hard on him if he is truely bi sometimes it can be difficult. Sometime you want to be with a guy sometimes you want a women.But, if I was w/ one gender I wouldn't let my attraction to the other gender jeopardize the relationship.

 

[biguy732]

One other thing - don't be too hard on yourself - he is only 18 and just out of high school. He may be experimenting and he just jumped into the deep end of the pool and scared the hell out of himself.

 

[dirtyvegasone]

i find it very difficult to accept the notion that we need to take the 6+ BILLION people on this planet and divide them into only 2 rigidly defined terms; gay. straight.

it's absurd. humans are way too varied for that. ultimately, i don't accept any particular label related to sexuality onto myself. and i do accept whatever label people choose to identify themselves with.

 

[boxerdudeuk]

Being bisexual myself, I would have to say that yes, bisexuality is real. I don't see what is so hard to understand about a person who can be attracted to both males and females. You wouldn't deny that hermaphrodites exist just because you don't want to accept them would you? And that is all it is. Many gay guys seem to be unable to accept that there are those of us who can enjoy both males and females.

that probably nails it.

i can't understand why someone who ISN'T bisexual would deny its existence? that makes absolutely no sense. even when bisexuals say it's real and that it's the mutual attraction to both sexes - some people discredit their opinions. ridiculous. for gay men to purport themselves to be so open minded, they can be the most closed minded people out there.

people have to stop trying to hang labels on other people and accept that sexuality is dynamic, not static.

 

[Blatino]

I think many people discredit bisexuality due to what it could possibly lead to...

Just like a lot think people that homosexuality can lead to a promiscuous life style. Some gay guys have been lead on by bisexual guys.

 

[conrad]

We use the labels to let others know a bit about ourselves. Tonyboy is correct in noting that many who have called themselves bisexual end up as conventional married men. I am one of them. But, I also knew and loved two other women before I married. The sex we had was fantastic, but more important was the fact that we were bonded in love as well. Back then we all seemed to assume that the relationships would not be forever but while they lasted they were loving relationships with utter faithfulness on the part of each partner. As I would not break my marriage vows to have sex with any one of my former male partners, neither would I break my vows to have sex with either of my former female partners. Faithfulness in relationship is not confined to any particular sexual orientation. In fact, IMHO, the lack of faithfulness in all relationships is too often what blights the landscape of sex today.

 

[DonQuixote]

We use the labels to let others know a bit about ourselves. . . . As I would not break my marriage vows to have sex with any one of my former male partners, neither would I break my vows to have sex with either of my former female partners. Faithfulness in relationship is not confined to any particular sexual orientation. In fact, IMHO, the lack of faithfulness in all relationships is too often what blights the landscape of sex today.

Here! Here!
We have fun reading and bantering back and forth, and imagining what it might be like but, while Some of us HAVE experienced it "all", some of us will likely forever stay on the sidelines for this very reason.

 

[nightmareman]

Well if someone can be gay or straight, why not bi? Some people do hold on to that for the so called normal life.

But I am not everybody. Just me. I love women and I know for fact I'm not gay. Women get me hard and turned on way too much to be gay.

But now same thing and only use the word guy for girls. So I'm turned on way too much to be straight.

I have one I prefer over the other, but I like both so I don't believe bi is only a cover. For some yes.

 

[ratrat]

I'm so tired of gay people saying this...get over it!

 

[DVM26uk]

Bisexuality is complicated and I actually think true Bisexuals DO exist in our society but they are a rare breed and not nearly as common as some would like you to believe.

1. You watch straight porn but can't take your eyes of the male porn stars cock.
2. You think about sucking/fucking men when you sleep with your g/f or wife.
3. When masturbating you fantasise about men.
4. You masturbate men but won’t suck them.
5. You suck men but won’t fuck them.
6. You fuck men but won’t kiss them.
7. You fuck men but won’t be fucked.

We're not all cut from the same clothe but if you use any of the above arguments to retain your Bisexual status you're more than likely Gay.

 

[nightmareman]

Bisexuality is complicated and I actually think true Bisexuals DO exist in our society but they are a rare breed and not nearly as common as some would like you to believe.

1. You watch straight porn but can't take your eyes of the male porn stars cock.
2. You think about sucking/fucking men when you sleep with your g/f or wife.
3. When masturbating you fantasise about men.
4. You masturbate men but won’t suck them.
5. You suck men but won’t fuck them.
6. You fuck men but won’t kiss them.
7. You fuck men but won’t be fucked.

We're not all cut from the same clothe but if you use any of the above arguments to retain your Bisexual status you're more than likely Gay.

I don't think its quite that simple. Its like you meet someone and fall in love and break up. Does that mean you can never fall in love again?

I'm not really a big porn guy in general. But I sometimes watch it. Sometimes its straight porn and sometimes gay porn.

Now when watching gay porn obviously I'm watching it for the men. With straight porn it depends. There are times I watch it and put more focus on the guy. Where as other times I put more focus on the woman.

As for number 3. Sometimes I masterbate and while I'm doing it my fantasy is about a guy where as other times its about a girl.

I do believe some people might use the bi angle due to for what ever reason they don't wanna admit they are really gay.

But thats not always the case. I know I like women too much to be gay, but I also know I like guys to much to be straight.

I would date a women as well as a guy. Maybe the next four people I'm with are all men, or maybe next few are women.

It depends on who I click better with. And I'm sure I could find a girl or guy who I click with on all levels. If I meet a girl and it gets serious I'd only be with her and I wouldn't get with a guy.

If I meet a guy and it gets serious I'd only be with him and not with any women. Simple as that.

I do think we all have one we like more. But liking girls more doesn't mean you don't like guys or liking guys more doesn't mean you are gay.

Like I said if I meet a girl I click with then that's it I'd be with her and again if I meet a guy I'd only be with him and no women.

 

[Willie Boy]

What is it with insecure gay guys who can't accept bi's and straight people exist? The see a straight guy and, "No, he's in the closet!" A bi guy comes along and, "He just can't fully accept himself", or "he's just confused, he'll come around."

Are there really that many gay guys out there who aren't secure enough in themselves, that they have to make everybody gay just to make it ok for themselves?

If you're gay, great. Accept yourself, but accept the rest of us for who WE are and stop trying to make us clones of you. We are fine with ourselves just the way we are, why can't you accept that?

 

[dwc1]

I think that too many completely gay guys want every other guy to be completely gay just so theres "more people on our side". The same way religions want to convert everybody, if everyone is this way then it must be for real. Pretty much just what Willie Boy said. I did like the guys seven ways to know your gay. (That had nothing to do with having sex with or fantasizing about women at all in it, wich is what makes bi-sexuality possible.)