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Bisexuality Issues

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WorkThisOut

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So here's my story. I'm a bi guy (yes, I'm positive about that) but unlike what it sounds like from a lot of bi guys, there's no way I feel like I can "pass off" as being "straight". A lot of people usually assume I'm gay until I tell them I'm actually bisexual. A good amount of the things I'm into are "stereotypical" giveaways--the music, movies, TV shows I like, the fact that I couldn't give a damn about sports, the fact that I'm more comfortable hanging out and laughing with the girls than doing anything the guys would wanna do. I'm actually pretty uncomfortable being around a group of guys usually because I have nothing to ever add to the conversations about the things most guys do--when there even is any conversation, that is.

I'm not ashamed of myself at all and I don't make any apologies for who I am. My only problem is that I'm positive that I'm not just some guy that's gay and in denial--I have a sexual attraction to women just like I do with men. I feel though like it's virtually impossible to ever get a woman to find me interesting in a romantic way because they would always just automatically count me out for not being the kind of guy it seems like most women are into.

I definitely don't want to have to become someone I'm not...but it would be great to find a way to slightly alter some things so that maybe the girls would see me differently while I would still be enjoying myself. I don't want to be stuck always missing out on my chances with a girl just because I never have the option.

Is there anyone out there like this, or who used to feel like this and found a way to make it work?

*Note: I have no problem being with guys either. However, I feel like I owe it to myself to be able to try out all of the things that I want and not just be "stereotyped" onto one side, if that makes sense.
 
WorkThisOut:

Why do you have to have a label for what you are?

The reality is that humans are sexual. The "homo", "hetero", "bi" or "ambi" that we put on the front is just a way to tell other people where- in a large variety of options- a person considers themselves to be.

And yes, there are plenty of guys like you. And yes, it works quite well.
 
Workthisout, I can relate. Even though I am told I am "straight acting" people still assume I'm gay. I wear t-shirts promoting gay causes and AIDS awareness, I love theatre and showtunes, I am very loud and opinionated about gay rights, so people just assumed I am gay.

I had so many people tell me they knew what I was even if I don't. People would tell me I'm just not ready to come out. For a while I thought they were right, but I knew down deep inside how I felt toward females. I knew gay men did not spend so much time thinking about naked women or having sex with them, still they convinced me I was really gay. If I think of men the way I think of women, I MUST be gay,end of discussion.These 'Friends' only confused me and made it more difficult for me. Don't let these people do that to you. Only you know.

It sounds like your doing everything right in my opinion and you'll be just fine. When you meet someone, either male or female, you'll know. I've been with both and only you know whats best and how you feel. Don't let others tell you who you are. I hate people who do this. Straight people will tell you going through a phase and gay people will tell you your just not ready to come out. In some cases, this is true. Only you know for sure. Good Luck dude. If you need any advice or have any problems,let me know if I can help!
 
WorkThisOut said:
So here's my story. I'm a bi guy (yes, I'm positive about that) but unlike what it sounds like from a lot of bi guys, there's no way I feel like I can "pass off" as being "straight". A lot of people usually assume I'm gay until I tell them I'm actually bisexual. A good amount of the things I'm into are "stereotypical" giveaways--the music, movies, TV shows I like, the fact that I couldn't give a damn about sports, the fact that I'm more comfortable hanging out and laughing with the girls than doing anything the guys would wanna do. I'm actually pretty uncomfortable being around a group of guys usually because I have nothing to ever add to the conversations about the things most guys do--when there even is any conversation, that is.

I'm not ashamed of myself at all and I don't make any apologies for who I am. My only problem is that I'm positive that I'm not just some guy that's gay and in denial--I have a sexual attraction to women just like I do with men. I feel though like it's virtually impossible to ever get a woman to find me interesting in a romantic way because they would always just automatically count me out for not being the kind of guy it seems like most women are into.

I definitely don't want to have to become someone I'm not...but it would be great to find a way to slightly alter some things so that maybe the girls would see me differently while I would still be enjoying myself. I don't want to be stuck always missing out on my chances with a girl just because I never have the option.

Is there anyone out there like this, or who used to feel like this and found a way to make it work?

*Note: I have no problem being with guys either. However, I feel like I owe it to myself to be able to try out all of the things that I want and not just be "stereotyped" onto one side, if that makes sense.
Click to expand...

You should not have to become someone you are not. Eventually, as ideal as this sounds, you are going to meet someone who likes you for yourself. All women do not want the usual, typical guys.

Right now, it sounds like you are focused on meeting a female; maybe you should try focusing on guys as well. I understand that you do not want to be stereotyped, but you are inadvertently ignoring all of your options.
 
WorkThisOut said:
. I'm a bi guy (yes, I'm positive about that) but unlike what it sounds like from a lot of bi guys,... A good amount of the things I'm into are "stereotypical" giveaways--the music, movies, TV shows I like,... , the fact that I'm more comfortable hanging out and laughing with the girls than doing anything the guys would wanna do. I'm actually pretty uncomfortable being around a group of guys usually because I have nothing to ever add to the conversations about the things most guys do--
I'm not ashamed of myself at all and I don't make any apologies for who I am. My only problem is that I'm positive that I'm not just some guy that's gay and in denial--I have a sexual attraction to women just like I do with men.. .
.

Is there anyone out there like this, or who used to feel like this and found a way to make it work?

..
Click to expand...
I totally relate to the above. I just went for the straight life, hs in the 70's and I just I did not have strong feelings about men at that time. And I really am happy with the path I chose - marriage and two kids. It's just that I enjoy gay porn and chatting with men about things I normally couldn't talk about outside of this forum. Thanks to all my fellow Jubbers for the opportunity.
 
Thanks for the advice so far, everyone.

I want it to be clear that I have no problems at all with my "gay side". I don't mind the thought of dating a guy at all. It's just the fact that I also have a strong interest in women and a majority of the time I feel like I'm lacking that "it factor" that it takes to get them to consider me as dating material.

I need to come across more women like that stripper that jav1231 knew, haha.

I want everyone to know that I'm not trying to change who I am at all. I like myself...I just would like to slightly "improve" myself in such a way that I could come across as more attractive to both sexes instead of just guys.
 
^^^If you want some advice on that, just become more willing and open to consider talking to people you find attractive.
 
Not all women want the "typical" man. I knew this girl once that complained that she kept falling for the wrong type of guys. The wrong type, of course, being gay guys. One of my best friends has dated some rather attractive women and he's hardly the picture of masculinity.

I would say, if you're looking to find the right girl, that you just send clear signals that you are interested. In this day and age, I'd be surprised if you're written off just because of the music you listen to. It's great your comfortable hanging out with girls, some guys seem to have a problem with that. However, if you aren't sending any signals of your interest to the girls, then it is understandable that they may be thinking you're uninterested.
 
I say don't worry about it. You are as you are, people will always "assume" it's natural.

Plus, you cannot really change who you are and how people see you. I'm sure there are plenty of girls who find you attractive just the way you are.
 
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