Blizzard0119 - Archived Blog Posts

[Blizzard0119]

Well I moved into the dorms yesterday and what a trip that was. This should be an interesting year seeing as my roomie is kind of cute and has the hottest legs I've ever had the pleasure of sitting next to, hair that tappers down after his knee and he wears soccer shorts at night . It's only been a day and a half so I'm going to go easy on hitting on him, figure that is best left till we are talking to each other normally, after the post move in shyness thing. Other than that not much to say beyond I called Jenny last night to say hi and we ended up laughing for quite awhile, it just makes me wish we had had more than just a friendship. I may be wrong but I think she wishes the same thing from time to time. She loved her boyfriend, of that I have no doubt, but I think I was just different enough to be attractive (that and she said I have very nice eyes and should wear blue colors to show them off), I was lucky to have a friend like her. Kevin arrives soon and I can't wait to see him again.

A rambling update but an update nonetheless.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Blizzard0119]

Eric and I are still friends after I told him that I was attracted to him, he just said he felt great knowing he could make a friend feel that way. Case closed on that one. I wrote a poem for Kevin, those who have read past entries will know who he is, and he loved it. In fact the poem is posted here on JUB under HOT TOPICS, the thread is "A Poem I Wrote". JUBers seem to enjoy it so if you have a chance take a look at it and post a comment if you wish. I move back to uni on Saturday and am quite excited to be a college student again. I am sure interesting posts are to follow.

After writing the poem about Kevin I sent an email explaining my feelings for him, to which he replied that he is glad I can talk to him about it but that I shouldn't look for romance with him, he doesn't want to hurt me and such. This is fine with me, I am just glad to be his friend. If necessary I will just use Kevin to tap into the gay community to find myself a nice boy to hang out with. Of course I'm going to use my other friends to find me a nice girl to hang out with so I can finally start figuring out what I like better. Though a friend on JUB gave a nice definition of gay as having feelings for a boy and accepting those feelings, under that definition I am certainly bi. Of course I still don't know what I want, but doesn't that make life a bit more exciting?

Alright, dinner with my dad. We went out to eat tonight, before I go back to uni. It was sort of a where are you going in life set up where we just talked about goals and what not. His girlfriend was there to, who I enjoy (she is into the art scene so someone to talk to) but tonight she was pushing for me to think of a job for life. I just didn't enjoy that but I didn't say anything. My dad stepped in for me and just said that life, and I quote; "are rabbit trails that lead all over", this made me feel great. He also said that he just wants me to be happy with whatever I choose, I don't know if that would go as well for if I brought a boy home for Christmas but that is down the road so no worries. I suppose all in all, the message of the night was that he loves me and I know he does but sometimes it is hard to see it. Like any relationship I guess. I will tell him again when I leave for uni but to see it in writting gives me a bit of comfort; I love my dad.

Thanks for listening and it is great to be back on the blog.

 

[Blizzard0119]

Kevin is the first boy I ever talked to about being gay. It was during the spring semester when I confronted him about being gay and then we just started spending nights talking for hours about ourselves, telling stories and such. He was there to help answer questions that were flying around my head as to who I was. In fact I do believe he helped me alot in showing emotion, before him I was a pretty blank wall to people, I still am, but with certain people I am comfortable sharing my problems and "weaknesses". I suppose that is why I have an attraction to Kevin, but that is later.

Apart from talking about my sexuality I was helping Kevin by listening to him recap a relationship he had recently gotten out of, I was a big anchor that helped him stay steady as I listened into the night about how he felt. I think this really brought us together, in fact he has said that through our relationship he has always enjoyed our conversations and being around me. A bonus.

Kevin and I are also writing a movie, but it is years from production. Any film financiers out there PM and we can talk hehe. I think this is another reason he likes having me around is that I took an idea he had half-baked and have begun to run with it, something he is in awe of.

All in all I love the little guy, and am glad that we are going to spend more time together this year thanks to the script. Just being around him will be great. Of course I have to focus on classes as well, cant see him if I flunk out.

A rough sketch of Kevin I know but if the year is good to us then you will be sure to hear more about him.

 

[Blizzard0119]

Last night was pretty cool, I took 4 Freshmen guys out to walk the town and just hang out. The thing that made it rather awesome was the fact that I was in the middle of the 4, think a 5 on a die, and I was just talking about the school and the various scenes on campus. They were loving it, just hearing me talk about what this campus had to offer and also that I was telling/showing them places to get free swag. We ended up seeing the movie "Accepted" and we all were laughing enough so it wasn't a waste of time but while we were in the movie I had this realization that even if they weren't gay I had this entorage (sp?) of boys following me , that's kind of lame I suppose but meh.
I also ran into my other gay friend Tommy, this friendship is a little strange in that I had this crush on him while he had this crush on Kevin and the whole thing is still sort of up in the air. Basically Tommy and I just decided to be friends, which is fine. Plus he was talking to his co-worker and it sounded like he has a boyfriend now, which I am happy about. It sort of takes him off the market so to speak, I mean even though we decided to be just friends that didn't stop me from having those moments where I wanted more. If he does have a boyfriend then no worries for me, I can move on and find another boy. A bump in the road, but one that can lead to another off ramp, maybe to a rest stop. hehe (bad joke)
Later that night my roomie and I had our first talk about where we were from and all of those things that usually don't come out in daylight. I found out that we are quite similar, neither of us had relationships in high school and he has yet to make out with anyone (I made out with my first girl my Freshmen year, second semester) so we seem to rather similar in that trait. Along with the relationship stuff I ended up talking about the gay scene on campus and how I had some friends who were involved in it, just to guage his reaction. In fact I made the comment that he should have dated a guy in high school to save time. He was quite busy most of the time so I suggested finding another busy boy and just saying he was your boyfriend. He laughed but didn't show disgust or get offended. I am not expecting him to just up and say if he has ever fancied the penis but I think by talking to him about how open this campus is and his roomie to boot he will be comfortable to say it if he wants to.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Blizzard0119]

Last night I got this phone call to asking if I could drive a boyfriend home for a friend of mine. I said sure, what else could I say? If he is a friend then that is something that friends do for each other. Anyway that was no event, the drive was nice and safe, no big scares or anything like that. However on the way home I began to think how I felt about a boy I like having a boyfriend. I was happy for him because I thought he needed somebody. There was a part of me that wanted that somebody to be me but it wasn't so nothing to do but support what is there and be a friend. I am fine with him having a boyfriend and all but it left me with a rather stirring question in my opinion; will the boys hang out with me if the have boyfriends? I mean most of our friendship has been predicated on them not having boyfriends and also that it has been a rough time for them. I just had this scare that if Kevin and Tommy were to keep boyfriends where would I fit in. Am I still part of the friendship or am I to sit on the side and only enjoy snipits of my friend?

Either way a silly worry but one that I will have to deal with and so far I'm dealing with it well thanks to being busy enough not to thing that hard about it.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Blizzard0119]

So I am painting the Canterbery House on campus to fill up the large spans of open time I have this week. This house is a safe place for the gay community on campus, this is not a reason for why I am painting it. I was simply walking past it one day and the guy painting asked if I wanted to make some money, I said yes and that was that. Anyway as the days went on the guy began to really push the house on me and tell me how it was great knowing who I was and shit like that. I mean don't get me wrong but I do not need some older man telling me it is okay to be who I am, I know that already. Plus he is all about me finding out who I am by hanging around the house and going to Pride meetings. I don't do large crowds in the first place, plus I feel that I wouldn't feel comfortable in such settings and I think comfort is quite necessary when making decisions. This all leads to a discussion I had with one of the Pride members while we were painting one day. He asks me if I am going to the meeting, not in a way that says you should go because you are here and curious blah blah, but more to just check it out. This guy doesn't know for sure what I am, though I'm sure he thinks I am bi based on what I was joking about and talking about.
Anyway I think I either coped-out or came up with a great answer to why I won't go to the meetings at least for right now. It is for my comfort and also that I do not want to hurt anyone who might see me as gay. I would hate to have someone really fall for me when I don't know what I want. Seems sort of flimsy but that was what I told him. I think it is true for the most part because I find myself only attracted to a small group of men, probably 5 at the most. I'm not saying that one needs a specific number to be considered gay but I think if I were to have more men in my life it would queer the decision.

Uni is going good so far just so you know and Kevin moves back to campus on Sunday.

Thanks for listening

 

[Blizzard0119]

Is it strange or possible to get what one wants? I just got in from hanging out with a bi friend of mine who has a roomie that was wanting me in his bed tonight, nothing sexual just cuddling. Anyway we decided not that night plus my friend wasn't wild about the idea of me cuddling with his roomie. (pry just some strangeness) I am thinking that I will have my room to myself tomorrow night and that I am going to tell this roomie that and see if he would like to sleep over. I mean if nothing sexual is to arrise which I am happy about then it will be what I wanted, and that is to be in bed with someone holding me or vice versa. I am thinking that if it does pan out it will be a memorable experience, an experience I will be sure to write about.

Stay tuned and thanks for listening.

 

[Blizzard0119]

Well I cuddled with a friend of mine last night, first time doing so with another boy. It started with cuddling then we ended up...well you know naked and playing with each other. It was a great experience, especially having a real boy, in real life tell me that I am hot . No penetration or anything like that, far too early for that but we did do some humping like some 14 year olds. He actually just left after we blew another load together, this won't be a regular thing though, we will still hang out and pry cuddle but it wont get as far as it did last night. Which is nice I think.
I think I enjoyed a great deal of it, but I think drinking last night stopped me from really feeling it and blah blah blah. It was fun having someone to hold me and me to hold him as he felt my arms. I got what I wanted last night and school hasn't even started yet, not that I am now going to just hump and suck anything that gets infront of me. Maybe the next one will be a girl? (Remember I'm bi, 70 straight/30 gay) Or close to that.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Blizzard0119]

I can say that I have been rather busy with school going on and such but it hasn't been the classes that have kept me busy it is my friends. I have helped Kevin move into a house, and been hanging out with him so much it is as if we are a couple, though we aren't and I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that we will only be close friends. While I am okay with this I still want to just shout sometimes that I want a kiss or something from him, not just the "lets go look at furniture" sort of relationship. I am a close friend with a boy who does not like physical contact unless he is stupid in love with someone and he is not in such a way with me. I have come to terms with that but still...it can suck.
Onto other friends, it has been typed that my friend Tommy has a boyfriend, the three of us hang out from time to time and the other night the 4 of us were at Kevin's place when Tommy and his boy start making out when Kevin left the room. Now when I get in there Tommy looks at me and says my name, I look at him and he has that "I am going to kiss you" face, we peck then I pull him in for a longer kiss with a bit of tongue. What a time for me, the boy I've wanted to taste started to kiss me. Anyway his boyfriend was a bit upset, and who could blame him, I was going to offer a kiss to him as well, seeing as I heard he wants a three way. I did not get the chance though because Kevin was coming and I didn't want him to feel weird. There is always a chance though, Tommy his boyfriend and myself what a nice thought.
Anyway my friends are all pretty much on the level right now which is nice because now I can party with some other mates and get drunk, not that I get drunk (I seldom do) I just drink with some friends on occasion. Also there is this sport on campus called "Frisbockey" that I am playing with some really good players and we are cleaning the field rather well. In fact they asked if I wanted to be on their team, it was as if I were a draftee and I proved myself to the best team in the league.
As it stands my life is good, my friends are good and I have now kissed two boys and have enjoyed each of them. Maybe that percentage is in need of a change, time will tell. I will do better in the future to keep a weekly run of events.

Thanks for listening...

 

[Blizzard0119]

It happened again! I got my cock worked on by a great friend in the cab of my truck. This boy was amazing and he is the first one to tell me that he has a crush on me, so cool for someone to say something like that. I really enjoyed him because, I might as well say it, I do have not large penis and obviously he could tell that. I was saying something about it to him while I was working on his shaft and he just said that size doesn't matter and that it was the opperator not the machine that counts, and after gasping from what I was doing he said I was quite the opperator. So that was my night, and it was a great one.
Most other things pale in comparison to such an event, I am regrowing my goatee at the request of multiple friends saying that I looked better with it. Also I plan to get a hair cut near October 21 for a concert I am going to work at, try and look like a BAMF or something. Oh, on that note of appearance I have gotten word from my cuddle buddy that two new friends that I met through him think that I am "studly" to use their words. So as it stands it seems that there are plenty of boys looking at me and a few girls here and there, maybe it is time to change around those precentages, or I should just be myself and not think about titles and who has what between their legs.
Classes seem to be going well, I mean I have not failed them yet and the professors all seem to really dig their work.
All in all life is good at the moment, more happy than sad, with bigger highs and not so low lows. hehe make sense?

Thanks for listening

 

[Blizzard0119]

To say it here and let all know, I have a boyfriend as of Tuesday afternoon. We have known each other for a while and the other day he told me he has a crush on me and from there we fooled around in my truck and damn this boy is cute and his chest feels great and just shivers when I run my goatee around his nipple. He really digs that teasing tongue on his chest. Anyway this is a big step for me and I am happy to have found someone like him to share it with, it does bring things into question regarding how far I want to go but he has said he can wait until I am ready to go down on him and the other event and I truely care for him in that respect. He is a great boy to have and I think about him and it makes me smile knowing I have him. Listen to me go on about him, strange new feelings and yet I know that at this moment they are the right feelings. I am getting together with him Friday afternoon after I do some quartering of wood for Kevin's mom. I am just the local nice guy who does odd jobs for liquor and food. Anyway I thought I would toss this quick update in. Also Hazemaster and myself have begun to pen stories under the "gay stories" thread, keep your eyes peeled for them.

Thanks for listening...

 

[Blizzard0119]

As quick as he came into my life we left each others. It just didn't seem to be on the same page, I was lost with what to say as answer to his unasked questions and I didn't like not knowing what to do. I know he will read this, and if you are I am sorry that we are done, but I also know that others will read this. While this relationship is over it is a notch in my belt, I know that sounds bad, by which I mean that I finally been in a relationship and now know what it is like. I suppose all of life is a learning experience and this is just another class I have to take.
On another note, Kevin and I talked last night for 3 hours about everything and anything. He finally brought up how I feel about him and that it will not happen. I told him how I thought he was cute and all that, and that I have come to terms with not having him. He is happy to have our friendship as am I, and in the end I realize that I would not trade that for anything.
School is going alright, could be doing better in a few classes but there is still time and I feel a change coming on in attitude and enthusiasm. Things will start to be done on time and I will get to sleep at a good hour and I will make time to read and work out, to do things that keep one sane. All in all life is good but there is a hint of stress that if not resolved could be rather dangerous.

Thanks for listening, and I will try and post a bit more regularly...

 

[Blizzard0119]

What the hell, I mean earlier this year it seemed that I had boys all over to play with. Now one has a boyfriend and I broke up with my boyfriend. There was another boy that cuddled with me the other night and now he is saying I am "distracted" whatever the shit that means, and doesn't want to cuddle anymore. It seems that I am back to the beginning, neither a boy nor girl to hold or touch. Son of a Bitch I mean it is like going through withdrawl, knowing what those feelings were like and then having to live without them. It sucks, but such is life I suppose. Maybe I should just load the gun and go to pride meetings and find someone there, or just get drunk and whore myself out to who ever, seems to be the way to meet someone. Fuck, I just don't know sometimes, I mean you people tell me I could get someone and then in real fucking life it is just dry and I am this shy boy who cannot make the step toward someone. I still have Kevin to dream about, yeah and that could lead somewhere, bullshit that isn't going anywhere and I know it and he knows it. He has told me so, he doesn't want to hurt a friendship or make me feel awkward. What makes me feel awkward is being around him when all of a sudden he becomes so cute that I could just throw him down and kiss him. I hold myself down though, like I did with Jenny. I do not want to ruin things, so I let chances go, let opportunity slide by. Oh well, I lived without contact from another individual for 18 years, I suppose I can go another 18.

Thanks for listening...

 

[Blizzard0119]

All, there will a good entry following Thanksgiving break, but this one is just to say I am still alive and such. Things are going well, kissed a few boys, including Kevin and he is also coming home with me for Thanksgiving. I am so damned excited to go home, should be a blast. Happy Thanksgiving all, and hope you are all doing great.

 

[Blizzard0119]

Well it is official, I am now a pledging member for a fraternity. I had my pinning ceremony last night and it was rather spectacular. Me and the other pledges were initiated into the process via two triple shots of tequila. After those the house MC played our classes song and we jumped on the bar top and danced. As I was dancing women started putting money in my pockets, I made $4, the girls were giving the money but I saw some of the brothers providing the singles to pay for me. Who knows what that could possibly mean, most likely nothing. Anyway figured I would let you all know the story.

Laters

 

[Blizzard0119]

Well the New Year is almost upon us, hoorah. Or something like that. Anyway my friend Kevin and I are still great friends with me pining for him and telling him now and again that I care for him and want to be with him. He recently gave me my holiday gift and the note inside said "thanks for being a better friend to me than I am to you". I do care about Kevin so much that just being around him is gift enough.
I say this as someone new is in his life, I am probably jumping ahead of myself though, a new friend of his. They have been hanging out every so often, nothing like the time we hang out, or at least I hope not. Alright, I am afraid that this new boy might be the one Kevin has been looking for, and if he is I don't know what I am going to do. Kevin is the only boy I truly want to call my boyfriend, and I just don't know what I would do if I knew he was gone. It will happen eventually, but I just don't want it to. I want him, but a large part of me knows that this will not happen, or at least it is very unlikely. All I can do is be the friend I have been and hope that Kevin sees that I am willing to be his and that there will always be friendship between us, no matter what.

Anyway, thanks for listening to that little run, just a venting. Classes are nearing the end of the semester and the pledge process is soon to begin. I am also reading "Dancer at the Dance" I think I am alot like the character Malone, I do enjoy it so far. My life is running as smooth as it could be I suppose and I should be thankful for that. Merry Christmas everyone, or happy holidays.

See you in the New Year,
Blizzard

 

[Blizzard0119]

The year is nearly over, my finals have been taken and I should pass all my classes. hooray! With finals over it is time to go home for winter break, it should be great. Weeks of relaxing and doing nothing but reading, studying my pledge book and hopefully working out. It will be a great time, but a wrench in the gears is the fact that I will not see Kevin for 3 weeks. I hope I don't sound all puppy dog here, I mean I just don't know what to do sometimes with him, I adore him so much that when he calls I light up, and the time we spend together is awesome. I want to tell him that I am his, in fact he told me how one of his old boyfriends proposed to him and I might try it that way. Simply go to him and say that I would like to try "us" out and see where it takes "us". Maybe if I finally say that then the tension will be gone, if he says "no" so be it, I can still be a great friend, even greater now that I know there is nothing to lose.
Maybe I should just pull stakes on Kevin and look for someone else to make me happier. That is silly though, I mean I have this one friend who every time we get together we end up making out and sucking each other, he tells me I am pretty good as he calls me "Spunky". I am happy when I am with him but I know that it is just physical and if the book "Dancer from the Dance" taught me is that one shouldn't just look for physical love, one should look for passion and the other wordless feelings.

Oh well, enough of that ranting. It is the holiday season, for those who have someone to hold enjoy them and hold them tight during this season when there are others who just sit aside and think and dream.

Happy Holidays and See you in the New Year,
Blizzard

PS- 5 news pics in my gallery if you want to take a look.

 

[Blizzard0119]

It is funny what one finds in the holiday season, I found that I have a great family that is pretty fun to be around when the pints get in us, and that butterscotch schnapps and bailyes (sp) tastes awesome. The down side to this holiday break from uni is that I have no real plans, I never developed true friendships in high school so now when I come back to town I do not have anyone to call. A mistake that I do not plan on making again in college. Then there is the Kevin issue, I cannot get my mind off of him, if any of you boys have tips on how to get your unobtainable love off your mind please let me know. Before break I jokingly told some mates from JUB that "absences makes the heart grow fonder" thinking that I would be able to forgo thoughts of Kevin for weeks, I do seem to be wrong, and as I think about it I have a very strong feeling that he does not sit and think about me as I do him. Anyway the break picks up for me on the 26th with some travel, the preoccupation will be splendid. I have this feeling that I will not hear Kevin's voice all of break, it is campy I think to long for a voice like that, but it is quite possible. If he does call me, like he used to do, where we just talk for an hour or so then that would be a great gift. If it happens, it happens. If not, then I will see him when we return to campus.

Thanks for listening...

 

[Blizzard0119]

So as there is no confusion I am going to take a break from JUB, even though I am not on lately anyway. I will still be able to answer PM's and such just I will not be posting or anything for a while.

Hope everyone has a great new year,
Blizzard

 

[Blizzard0119]

Checking into JUB once again. Just got off of being a burly trail guide in northern Minnesota where I paddled, hiked and climbed in the sun. I am good and tan. Now if only Kevin could see me now-might change his mind. *sigh*

Glad to be back and I will try to be diligent on posting.
Blizzard