I really don’t know if this belongs here but I figured it fits the best. My wife and I have come a long way in our relationship. Both are bi/bi-comfortable. Both like to be adventurous and play together and separate with different people. She has always been supportive and says she loves me and my body no matter what. But it affects me and if I am not happy with my body I don’t feel sexy and it hurts on the intimacy level. My problem has always been an almost crippling negative body image. My upbringing didn’t help. I was always a skinny kid, my dad and everyone would comment on that. My brother was always a little heavier set and he would constantly hate how he looked and I would hear him. My mom was very superficial and would constantly make comments about celebrities and “they are ugly” or point out their flaws. And then I got older and my metabolism slowed way down and now I’m not the skinny kid, I’m even heavier and less in shape than my brother. Media has never helped, social media is making it worse. Growing up you’re exposed to the most gorgeous people in the media. Every leading man was lean/muscular etc. anybody who says it’s only women who deal with the media creating unrealistic body standards is seriously downplaying the mental health and negative exposure men are exposed to as well. Getting into porn in my young adult years every porn star was in such good shape. And the porn I watch continues to be of great bodied men and women. But I find I’m almost strangely punishing myself by looking at guys who i physically am not right now. Like I don’t deserve to look like them. Hell it’s this dysmorphia and sense of low self worth that contributed to not really finding a girlfriend until after highschool and even only losing my virginity at 20. I know I need therapy and I am actually in the process of improving my mental health and physical. Eating better and going to the gym. I guess I’m just saying you’re not alone, but even knowing I’m not alone, I still can’t shake that I have never actually felt comfortable in my own body. Every day and almost every moment is constantly thinking about my body and its flaws.
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Body dysmorphia
- Thread starter johnjohn7
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What you've described is a domino cycle of circular issues: you have self-image issues, which leads to self-esteem issues which leads to body image issues, which leads to self image issues and the whole cycle starts again.
The key to resolving it to break the cycle. Easier said than done, yes, but because there are several steps in the cycle, there are also several opportunities for ending the cycle.
One of the reasons that getting into shape changes the overall outlook is that the physical activity helps lessen mental health issues such as depression which amplifies the physical changes from working out.
The most challenging of your issues is going to be the body dysmorphia because it is your perception of your body, not an accurate representation of your physical self. That often does require therapy, specifically Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) which is geared toward understanding your negative thought patterns and correcting them.
The key to resolving it to break the cycle. Easier said than done, yes, but because there are several steps in the cycle, there are also several opportunities for ending the cycle.
One of the reasons that getting into shape changes the overall outlook is that the physical activity helps lessen mental health issues such as depression which amplifies the physical changes from working out.
The most challenging of your issues is going to be the body dysmorphia because it is your perception of your body, not an accurate representation of your physical self. That often does require therapy, specifically Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) which is geared toward understanding your negative thought patterns and correcting them.
Thanks you so much.
Yeah it definitely is a vicious cycle that needs to be broken.
I’m just starting in steps.
1. Gym for getting into shape and health
2. Eating better to try and get less sluggish and help contribute to helping with the gym
3. Knowing it won’t happen over night but that also it shouldn’t be for other people. It needs to be for me.
Yeah it definitely is a vicious cycle that needs to be broken.
I’m just starting in steps.
1. Gym for getting into shape and health
2. Eating better to try and get less sluggish and help contribute to helping with the gym
3. Knowing it won’t happen over night but that also it shouldn’t be for other people. It needs to be for me.
The worst enemy clinical depression ever encountered was us-moving, us-doing, us-planning and us-executing. Depression despises movement, goals, targets and depression dies in the shadow of our personal progress. Keep moving, keep winning...it's really that simple. You've recognised that you have a neurosis and that its name is "Body dysmophia". Well, the good news is - the worst enemy to EVERY neurosis is also planning, moving and executing, according to a plan, best in the company of others with similar or identical goals, and with an agreed on target as the end result. Your neuroses are about to get their butts kicked, and you're gonna love the finishing line! 
Thank you for the encouragementThe worst enemy clinical depression ever encountered was us-moving, us-doing, us-planning and us-executing. Depression despises movement, goals, targets and depression dies in the shadow of our personal progress. Keep moving, keep winning...it's really that simple. You've recognised that you have a neurosis and that its name is "Body dysmophia". Well, the good news is - the worst enemy to EVERY neurosis is also planning, moving and executing, according to a plan, best in the company of others with similar or identical goals, and with an agreed on target as the end result. Your neuroses are about to get their butts kicked, and you're gonna love the finishing line!
