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Books that help

jockboy01

jockboy01

The voice of one
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I haven't been on here in YEARS. But I have a problem and figured you guys could help. There is this guy... long story short: I like him, a lot. He likes me, a lot. He's not able to come out of the closet. I'm trying a new approach.... a book. I need advice on a book that isn't about coming out, but really is. LOL. Aka, it can't be a gay book. It needs to be suggestive of it though. Aka some sort of book about being yourself even if it isn't what the world wants. Suggestions of good ones? Again, it can't explicitly be about being gay because that would send those defenses WAY up. Thanks
 
You already know that there is nothing that will get him to come out until he makes that decision for himself. The best you can do is be his friend and be his example.

As it was with all of us, the only thing keeping him in the closet is himself. The only one who can change that is himself.
 
Yes, I'm unfortunately painfully aware of this reality. And he is smart. He knows I know. I just think a book he could read in private that was intelligently written that explained that it's ok would be helpful. He'll know what it is referring to for sure. I just want him to know that it's okay, I'm there for him and it'll get better. But that first step, the hardest most excruciating step ultimately is a step he must make alone. I just want him to know that my hand is there on the other side of that closet door. This is not my first trip down this road.... but the book is a new idea, a suggestion from another friend.
 
How old is he and are you looking for fiction or non-fiction?
 
The Perks of Being A Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky

Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer

The Autobiography of Malcolm X

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
 
He's 28.... fiction or non fiction. Doesn't have to be in story form either.... could just be a self help type book.

Thank you checkinthingsout!
 
One of the challenges is that most of the better coming out books were written in the 80s and 90s. There's not a lot of books on the subject now because there's not as much stigma about being gay.

Non-Fiction/Self-Help:
It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating a Life Worth Living
Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends, and Coworkers

Autobiography/Short Stories:
When I Knew
Boys Like Us: Gay Writers Tell Their Coming Out Stories
How I Learned to Snap: A Small Town Coming-Out and Coming-of-Age Story
The Best Little Boy in the World
 
Hi Jockboy. I haven't been on here in years either. Just thought of you all today and decided to see who's still here.

The others gave you answers to the question you actually asked. So I am going to go off track.
You like him, he likes you. A relationship is built on honesty and being able to speak openly with one's thoughts and feelings. I think you should take the risk and just talk to him. I know it seems like a win or lose proposition but there is a lot to win here. The only thing you have to lose is the fantasy of what might have been.

My suggestion is to play as if you are coming out to him. Tell him how difficult it is to hide your sexuality and how you want to be able to relax with him and be yourself. Sell all of the points of coming out from your perspective. If you are already out to him, then tell him what its like to be gay and how you came out and who you haven't come out to yet and why. Tell him what your fears and hopes are for your future. Tell him YOUR story.

Its good to "see" you again, by the way. Hope all is well. Good luck!
 
Have him read Gilles Deleuze.

He should emerge with an interesting sense of the impermanence of identity, if he lives.
 
He's already been exposed to stories of people struggling to be themselves. He has to more afraid of hiding than of coming out before he makes a change.
 
The Velvet Rage & The Gift of Imperfection are really great books about the need to live an authentic life. You must give him his space and let him come out when he is ready and on his own terms, or you may cause him to lurk further into the closet.
 
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