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Bored and kind hurt...

LatinCoffee

LatinCoffee

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I live with my boyfriend of 6 months...I'm just bored of doing the same things. When I get home--he's in front of the computer and stays there vs wanting to cuddle or just talk. :roll: I'm not one to change someone--but in my eyes...if you 'love' someone --you show them affection after not seeing each other for the whole day. When we talk--he only talks about problems and issues and I try to steer the conversation to positive things...I have tried to communicate sweet words to liven up the relationship...write lil notes, flowers, card, ecards, and nothing...but when I'm just quiet...he asks if something is wrong...am I okay? He blows me kisses... :##:

Like tonight I got home from school ( I take evening classes) and he was on the computer--I hadn't seen him as he wakes up early to go to work and by the time--I leave---he's at work and home when I'm not. So then I greeted him with a kiss while he's on computer and just mini-talked-- (he seemed entertain on computer) so I went to the guest room and laid there...just feeling so empty. :( then he comes in after like half hour and kisses me and asks me to come to bed with him while he falls asleep...we talk but he's talking about problems at work, stress with homework at school, how his coworker this and that...and I got a lil' upset...go up and told him 'U stress me out!' and left the room...I went back to kiss him good night after 30 minutes and he kissed me and said good night.
:##:

Don't know...just had to vent, guys!
 
I think a lot of people who've been dating someone for a while have felt how you feel. I know I have and I know I've been guilty of that kind of behavior too.

One thing that I think can help is if you two can find time to air out frustrations and issues that have come up during the day at least an hour before going to bed. That way when you go to sleep you aren't thinking about all the negative. I have a feeling that's what you are trying to do. I would just make sure your boyfriend knows why you want to talk about negative things a little earlier.

It sounds like you two are very busy. Maybe when your schedules are a little less hectic, you can do something together, like take a class or build something. At least see if you can have a date night every week.

I hope this helps! Good luck! :)
 
Too many people make too many assumptions. We treat people one way or we regard relationships a certain way and we expect the same in return because that's how partners are "supposed" to behave or that's how relationships are "supposed" to work. In fact, people are different, no one is a mind reader and it's ok to ask for what we need and want.

After almost 30 years if being with the same person I'd have to say that without communication that is open and varied long term relationships can become shells of their former selves. Throw out every vestige of "he knows what to do," or, "that's what partners are supposed to do." Both lead to hurt and loneliness. Beyond the expectation of respect all else ought to be discussed and negotiated. "Happily ever after" with no work or effort is a big, fat myth.
 
I don't know how old you are, but if you are very young---after only 6 months this too soon for boredom---seems like you should be friends and leave yourself open to other experiences---
 
Seasoned said:
Too many people make too many assumptions. We treat people one way or we regard relationships a certain way and we expect the same in return because that's how partners are "supposed" to behave or that's how relationships are "supposed" to work. In fact, people are different, no one is a mind reader and it's ok to ask for what we need and want.
Click to expand...

Yes!

to the OP...instead of telling him "U stress me out"...tell him what you say in your post. He probably doesn't realize he's being inconsiderate as well kind of being a downer. You, on the other hand, are the one that he should be able to vent his work frustrations, etc. to. Communicate. Also...establish a date night once a week, or perhaps a no computer/cell phone time each night where the 2 of you talk, cuddle, whatever...
 
Thanks for the advice guys! I really appreciate it.
I've tried several times communicating with him (where there are times where I feel he listened and others when he didn't). I explained to him how --Communication is key in any relationship. If there is an issue--he just shuts down and when it's time for bed--he just goes to bed and doesn't even want to talk. I think going to bed mad before even fixing or solving an issue is bad for a relationship. :(
 
Just remember what you wrote before. You can't change anyone other than yourself. You'll have a different issue if he refuses to communicate. Good luck.
 
In my experience the biggest stumbling block in a relationship is a lack of communication.

It is pointless bitching to all and sundry EXCEPT your boyf about what he does or doesn't do to make you happy. TELL HIM!
 
Thanks LeicsDom.

He left this morning for work at 4 am...(of course I was sleeping)...usually he texts me at 8am or so and leaves a nice morning text...no text up until now :/

So I'll keep you guys updated...
 
Why not text him something sweet as long as you're thinking about him?
 
I would, Jay...but I always text him...
I was gonna call his job and say Good morning but that would be too much...

It makes me look & feel like a weakling and I always kiss his ass when something is wrong...I always want to talk but he just shuts down and goes to bed...that's not fair to me.
 
ok...play it out the way you feel is best. I was just trying to suggest you squash any potential conflict before it escalates. I know it sucks to be the one that always is the one to make the first move in resolving a situation...it does give him the upper hand, so to speak. Relationships shouldn't be about competing tho...should be about mutual respect and being there for each other....which it seems he needs to be reminded of. Also, it's much easier to make your point when having a calm discussion, than in a heated argument...so don't let this build up to the point where you want to explode.
 
Thanks again, Jay! I did text him...but he hasn't responded back. I'm just gonna let it go. I'm doing all the worrying all the time in the relationship--it's a turn off from my part. I have tried talking and to me--if there is no communication...we have nothing in the relationship. If every time that we disagree or argue--he's just gonna shut down and ignore me...what does that tell me...that he doesn't care--so why should I. I'm just to the point--where I'm tired to always being the one to reach out to him.
 
With all this--that's going on--I'm even growing apart from him. Like one of the guys said--I can't change him nor do I want to. I can only be me and change me. I can't make someone want me --if they say one thing and their actions another. I'm starting to get turned off.

I am saving some money to --perhaps get my own place and just be done with this. I tried...

Thanks again for listening and your advice, guys...appreciate it very much!
 
Stay in touch here as you need to. Change isn't easy. I wish you the best. Stay strong. You deserve that same as you're willing to give.
 
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