Born With Your Bisexual Preference. Or Not?

[RRRalph]

^
is that your cock in the avatar?

 

[MadScientick]

I believe you are born with this. I never knew what bisexuality was. And at one point I was completely confused as to what was going on. Growing up in Dominican Republic where homophobia is part of daily living things were a little hectic for me. I never saw guys sexually. I can almost say I was forced to in a way. I would rarely ever get to see girls naked, let alone have intercourse with them, but in the country it is perfectly normal to see other guys naked around. When I hit puberty, I just started using the material I could easily get my eyes on: guys! Yes. I would see other boys fling their sticks around and masturbate with little inhibitions. They would even circle jerk at times publicly, although the beach was the perfect place for them to do it. I can't even possibly begin to count how many erect penises I saw in my teenage years shown to me openly by my friends and other boys in the neighborhood. I was always self-conscious. And with my family being so close minded, I kept things to myself. But nonetheless as I grew older, girls were also appealing and the brain killer came in. I was taught that homosexuality was wrong in every sense although my family was not religious. Though there was only 1 member of my family that was gay and he eventually moved to the states and disappeared from the radar.

As I went into my late teenage years, I completely embraced my heterosexual side. Girls were always readily available, and quite frankly, guys for intercourse weren't, so I kept and still keep it mostly to myself. I don't live in the country now. I moved to Puerto Rico, and things here are more open, but I'd rather keep myself closeted for my family. I'm not neglecting myself, I just like to think of it as not causing anyone any unnecessary inconveniences at the moment. I am currently in college and have had both, gay and heterosexual relationships. Both open. My family doesn't know about the guys, and they don't need to know. It's better that way. I don't plan on committing to a gay relationship, although I don't necessarily not see myself in one comfortably. I'd just rather keep things cool with my folks. I am currently in a heterosexual relationship and am happy.

The point I'm trying to get to is: I always knew what I felt. I thought I was confused, but later learned it was perfectly fine to feel what I was feeling for both sexes. And after I understood that and found the blessing of this duality, I learned how to be happy about myself and the guilt left. I was born with this and there is nothing in this world that will change me or make me "monosexual". Believe me, I tried, but it's impossible to change.

I don't think your sexual orientation changes, but rather your current openness to either side, if you happen to be bisexual.

 

[conrad]

Welcome, MadScientick, and do keep posting.

If you have found that you can relate sexually to both men and women, you will have learned something which many persons never fully discover. Bisexuality requires discretion and choice.

I was fortunate in that my first lover and I shared two wonderful last years of high school as deeply committed lovers. We did make one concession for the sake of keeping our relationship personal and private: we each took a girl to the prom.

For many years I have been in a deeply committed relationship; I am married and very happy. But, I never forget that there is that other side of my sexuality that was very great influence on my life. My first lover remains my very best friend and we do not kid ourselves: that old feeling is still there. We are still lovers in memory though not in practice; we don't cheat. Bisexuality requires choice and in choice one commits. The double life is not for me.

Peace!

 

[ivyguy24]

Yeah, I think you're born with a preference. I remember back in middleshool I had crushes on both girls and guys....and at that point I didn't even really know that some people have same sex attractions.

The "past heterosexual, current homosexual" and "current homosexual, past heterosexual" don't seem like realistic options for me.

I have had several long term relationships with women, and I don't want to have a nonmonogamous relationship. So, there have been spans of my life where I didn't even consider being with men....when I'm in a relationship, the person I'm with is enough. But I'm still bi, I wouldn't say I "became heterosexual" for those periods, I just didn't have a desire to have sex with anyone else.

Right now I'm single, and have had dates with both sexes....haven't found anyone I really want to take anything further with yet. Maybe someone will come along soon.

so yeah, bascially I think sexual preference is pretty static....the survey seems like it considers peoples sexuality to change based upon what gender they have sex with at any particular time. I wouldn't say I agree with that...I mean, what about married closeted gay men...they have sex with women, but I certainly wouldn't consider them to be anything but homosexual.

 

[RRRalph]

Growing up in Dominican Republic where homophobia is part of daily living things were a little hectic for me. I never saw guys sexually. I can almost say I was forced to in a way. I would rarely ever get to see girls naked, let alone have intercourse with them, but in the country it is perfectly normal to see other guys naked around. When I hit puberty, I just started using the material I could easily get my eyes on: guys! Yes. I would see other boys fling their sticks around and masturbate with little inhibitions. They would even circle jerk at times publicly, although the beach was the perfect place for them to do it. I can't even possibly begin to count how many erect penises I saw in my teenage years shown to me openly by my friends and other boys in the neighborhood.

I moved to Puerto Rico, and things here are more open, but I'd rather keep myself closeted for my family. I'm not neglecting myself, I just like to think of it as not causing anyone any unnecessary inconveniences at the moment. I am currently in college and have had both, gay and heterosexual relationships. Both open. I am currently in a heterosexual relationship and am happy.

I don't think your sexual orientation changes, but rather your current openness to either side, if you happen to be bisexual.

Thanx for sharing your story. I wish i grew up living on a nice sunny island like you. That would be so nice. I hope you have a good time in Puerto Rico with your girl.

 

[RRRalph]

Yeah, I think you're born with a preference. The "past heterosexual, current homosexual" and "current homosexual, past heterosexual" don't seem like realistic options for me. I think sexual preference is pretty static.

That's clear. I totally agree!

 

[sonny10305]

I can't explain it, but I turned 27 this year and it seems each year I lose more and more interest in woman. I have always prefered men but lately I just don't think about the chicks as much any more. Quite honestly that kinda bothers me a bit,

 

[RRRalph]

I can't explain it, but I turned 27 this year and it seems each year I lose more and more interest in woman. I have always prefered men but lately I just don't think about the chicks as much any more. Quite honestly that kinda bothers me a bit.

Why does it bother you? You have always prefered guys anyway.

 

[TierraSimms]

I can't explain it, but I turned 27 this year and it seems each year I lose more and more interest in woman. I have always prefered men but lately I just don't think about the chicks as much any more. Quite honestly that kinda bothers me a bit,

I can tell that is probably a result of subtle society pressures you internally place upon yourself. You should be relax and do what makes you happy.

 

[RRRalph]

... a result of subtle society pressures you internally place upon yourself...

Your way of saying that is very nice. Are you graduated in psychology yet?

 

[RRRalph]

Some interesting posts in other threads:

TierraSimms:

Heterosexual AKA straight males do not participate in male-to-male sexual activities. A person is born either open-minded/experimental/sexually curious, bisexual, or homosexual. You CANNOT turn somebody gay.

JNewYork:

Some straight men will accept a blow job from a man. And they're not bisexual. Of course, the purists will argue vehemently that any man getting blown by a dude is "bi." It may come as a shock to the purists but there are straight men who like to get their cock sucked and will get it by a man.

Naredogg323:

Technically speaking straight guys arn't just going to have sex with you no matter how slick, or special technique you use. But in my experience's guys are very experimental.

 

[SuperDodgy]

Hmm, tough one. Interesting thoughts though on here ...

For myself, think one is born with a certain sexual preference. It's up to the individual to see how willing he/she is to explore it. Openminded, afraid too, etc. Strongly believe there are very few people who are 100% str8 or gay. It even has come down to how much % u str8 or gay, hehe.

Anyway, besides the determined sexual preferences the enviroment you grow up in has an important role in how you develop yourself and how 'far' you willing to go / let yourself go on finding out your identity.

Me, my parents are very openminded and open about these things. No problems here on what I choose, believe in or like to be. They just want me to become .. errr .. me.

(Did this make ANY sense? :s)

 

[RRRalph]

One is born with a certain sexual preference. It's up to the individual to see how willing he/she is to explore it. Openminded, afraid etc. The enviroment you grow up in has an important role in how you develop yourself and how 'far' you let yourself go on finding out your identity.Did this make ANY sense?[/

It make perfectly sense to me. You are born with a certain sexual preference. The enviroment doesn't has any infuences on your sexual preference: you can't raise straight, bisexual or homosexual kids. The enviroment can only influences the comfortlevel with your sexuality: denial / closeted / open.

 

[Piquechampion]

You are born with a certain sexual preference.

I beg to disagree

Back home, the natives are so poor they do not even know what it is to be homosexual or bisexual. It doesn´t even occur in their minds such a thing exists. I think that to some level, being bi or gay is a luxury, a certian education and class may permit. That´s just my humble opinion thou.

 

[AresIncarnate]

Well ... for a long time, I was gay. I was only emotionally and physically attracted to guys. I wanted to be straight, but the feelings weren't there. So, I just identified as gay. (at least internally)

But, there was a reason. While I wasn't aware of it, I had a personal vendetta against women due to events in the past. (No offense to all the sexy, cool women on here) I didn't have female friends, I was a bit cold to women in general, and I was not attracted to them.

Then, I decided it was time to "clean out the closet." As I made peace with my past, I slowly became more attracted to women. Of course, I didn't realize the connection at the time. Now, I'm full-on bisexual.

Was I always bisexual? I don't think so. Did I always have the potential to be bisexual? Yes. I really thought I was gay, beyond any reasonable doubt.

In the same light, can a jerk turn into a nice person? (and vice versa) Yes, but it may just depend on external factors.

In the end, those terms are just labels. Regardless of whether I call myself gay, straight, bisexual, nice, or mean, I am ... me.

 

[TierraSimms]

Your way of saying that is very nice. Are you graduated in psychology yet?

Sorry, I took so long to resond. No, I just started grad school last fall. I'm at least another year from graduating.

 

[hanshansen]

Well ... for a long time, I was gay. I was only emotionally and physically attracted to guys. I wanted to be straight, but the feelings weren't there. So, I just identified as gay. (at least internally)

But, there was a reason. While I wasn't aware of it, I had a personal vendetta against women due to events in the past. (No offense to all the sexy, cool women on here) I didn't have female friends, I was a bit cold to women in general, and I was not attracted to them.

Then, I decided it was time to "clean out the closet." As I made peace with my past, I slowly became more attracted to women. Of course, I didn't realize the connection at the time. Now, I'm full-on bisexual.

Was I always bisexual? I don't think so. Did I always have the potential to be bisexual? Yes. I really thought I was gay, beyond any reasonable doubt.

This is almost exactly how it's been for me. I thought I was gay for years. Occasionally (once in months) I'd have these unexpected episodes of finding a woman (in a movie, on the bus) really hot and getting aroused but I was usually unable to tap into those feelings, though I really tried. To my surprise, after I made moves to 'come out' to myself at the end of last year, those feelings towards woman gradually became stronger and less random. I felt as if I was discovering my sexuality all over again, at 28. Now I consider myself bi because that label fits the facts best.

In hindsight, I think a lot of psychological things were going on. I thought I had to prove myself in bed and if I didn't I would be revealed as gay and humiliated. I didn't know how to handle girls. I thought most girls were emotionally cold, as if there was a wall between them and me. I checked out girls and if I wasn't attracted to a particular girl it was confirmation that I must be gay. I imagined that (apart from the stigma) it would all be much easier with a guy.

So there were all these anxieties. To the extent that I've become more relaxed about all this - my same-sex attractions, my physique, what attracts me to some girls and guys and not others, being around girls and being friendly towards them (and as I've seen their walls come down as I've become more relaxed) - I've gradually discovered feelings that I didn't really believe I had, and to some extent the feelings that used to be really strong have been displaced. If I think about sex now, it's usually with a girl. I'm still attracted to some guys, but I find it harder to imagine myself doing sexual things with them than I used to.

I agree that it's the potential for sexual attraction to either sex that's probably given at an early stage in life. Most people seem to have virtually no potential for same-sex attraction (they can't imagine what it would be like), and with a lot of gay people it seems to be the other way round. For those people their sexual identity is mapped out. But if you've got the potential for both, then other things (psychology, environmental influences, what sex the 'right person' happens to be, what aspects of a sexual relationship matter most to you) must become a lot more important in determining what sexual identity you feel fits you best. And those factors can change over time. What doesn't is the underlying potential. I don't believe I'll ever turn 100% straight or gay in that sense, although I know from experience that I can feel pretty much one or the other at different times.

 

[kayman23]

This is almost exactly how it's been for me. I thought I was gay for years. Occasionally (once in months) I'd have these unexpected episodes of finding a woman (in a movie, on the bus) really hot and getting aroused but I was usually unable to tap into those feelings, though I really tried. To my surprise, after I made moves to 'come out' to myself at the end of last year, those feelings towards woman gradually became stronger and less random. I felt as if I was discovering my sexuality all over again, at 28. Now I consider myself bi because that label fits the facts best.

In hindsight, I think a lot of psychological things were going on. I thought I had to prove myself in bed and if I didn't I would be revealed as gay and humiliated. I didn't know how to handle girls. I thought most girls were emotionally cold, as if there was a wall between them and me. I checked out girls and if I wasn't attracted to a particular girl it was confirmation that I must be gay. I imagined that (apart from the stigma) it would all be much easier with a guy.

So there were all these anxieties. To the extent that I've become more relaxed about all this - my same-sex attractions, my physique, what attracts me to some girls and guys and not others, being around girls and being friendly towards them (and as I've seen their walls come down as I've become more relaxed) - I've gradually discovered feelings that I didn't really believe I had, and to some extent the feelings that used to be really strong have been displaced. If I think about sex now, it's usually with a girl. I'm still attracted to some guys, but I find it harder to imagine myself doing sexual things with them than I used to.

I agree that it's the potential for sexual attraction to either sex that's probably given at an early stage in life. Most people seem to have virtually no potential for same-sex attraction (they can't imagine what it would be like), and with a lot of gay people it seems to be the other way round. For those people their sexual identity is mapped out. But if you've got the potential for both, then other things (psychology, environmental influences, what sex the 'right person' happens to be, what aspects of a sexual relationship matter most to you) must become a lot more important in determining what sexual identity you feel fits you best. And those factors can change over time. What doesn't is the underlying potential. I don't believe I'll ever turn 100% straight or gay in that sense, although I know from experience that I can feel pretty much one or the other at different times.

I agree with you, Hanshansen. I'm leaning towards men, but who knows?