bottomed for 1st time..

[blahman16]

I also have a feeling my partner doesn't want to bottom, because he has told me before that he told his coworkers just because he's gay, doesn't mean he is into bottoming and getting fucked, that he is the fucker. so he boasts that he is a "different kind" of gay guy that people expect him to be.

 

[pallenk]

you guys sound really young.

 

[blahman16]

He is 35, I am 23. should age be a concern?

from what he has told me, he has been "looking for boys" (hook ups) since high school, and he told me that during the periods when he had a boyfriend, he was dedicated.

 

[KaraBulut]

Given the information you've provided, age is the least of your concerns with this relationship.

 

[palemale]

Sex shouldn't be such a chore. If you can't jump into sex and do what feels right, you probably aren't sexually compatible, and it is unlikely you ever will be. Once things get going, I never talk about what's going to happen (except to ask politely, lol). What ever happens, happens.

 

[3nipples]

ok technically i have bottomed for my partner two times. the first he just rammed it into me and it hurt so much i got tears rushing out my eyes. and he KNEW he was the first person to top me--i felt so much like on object that night, so after a few thrusts i just pulled it out.

I hope he also has a good side because from here he sounds like a total ass.

 

[mattad]

Get rid of him... He is using you. If he cared for you then he wouldn't be trying to dominate you with words and sex and trying to manipulate you into doing something that you don't want to.

There are better men out there, like me , who are more than willing to respect you for you. Two tops can be together and so can two bottoms - through love it is an awesome experience! Why don't you come over and we can talk about it

You seem so sweet and cute ;-)

 

[mattad]

P.S. - get rid of that 35 year old bitch, find someone who likes you! Don't be afraid to be alone for a little while - he doesn't deserve you!

 

[breatheH20]

I had a similar problem with an ex; I'm about 90% top, but it takes a certain kind of trust and love when I actually want to bottom (unless I'm ridiculously horny). My initial issue with bottoming in the beginning was I had problems maintaining my erection...

One night, I wanted to bottom for my bf.. In a drunken stupor, he said "Why?!? You won't get hard.."

Blew me away, really hurt me, considering it meant a lot to me to bring it up..

Meh, whatever, loser is gone now...

Idk if your situation has anything to do with that, but sexual positions should be fun, imaginative, and loose, not fixed by some sorta rulebook... If it's not working out anymore, find someone that will appreciate you.

 

[blahman16]

I feel deprived of all my dignity.

The guy who fucked me claimed he was 35, and I found out he was actually 47. And he has no guilt at all about lying about it. He does what it takes to get some ass, and he got mine

 

[Nephelauxetic]

I feel deprived of all my dignity.

The guy who fucked me claimed he was 35, and I found out he was actually 47. And he has no guilt at all about lying about it. He does what it takes to get some ass, and he got mine

That's so sad. I've made the experience that it is very difficult to trust in gay men's age if their over 30. Many guys are having problem's with their age and so they line. On most online dating platforms the natural aging process appears to be finished at the age of 30.

You've been a bit naiv. If someone that much older is interested in you there should be an alaram sign popping up. Unless you're not just going for the fuck you'd probably better date guys with a smaller age difference (<10 years). Then chance that you as a 16 years old and a 35 years old guy have much in common is rather little. I think it's logical, your at totaly different sates in your lifes.

Best,
Neph

 

[BiMike]

P.S. - get rid of that 35 year old bitch, find someone who likes you! Don't be afraid to be alone for a little while - he doesn't deserve you!

Good advise . Follow it! Particularly now you find he is 47!

 

[KaraBulut]

I feel deprived of all my dignity.

The guy who fucked me claimed he was 35, and I found out he was actually 47. And he has no guilt at all about lying about it. He does what it takes to get some ass, and he got mine

Given the information you've provided, age is the least of your concerns with this relationship.

Because it bears repeating.

 

[3nipples]

I feel deprived of all my dignity.

The guy who fucked me claimed he was 35, and I found out he was actually 47. And he has no guilt at all about lying about it. He does what it takes to get some ass, and he got mine

I don't understand you. If you couldn't tell by looking at him, then frankly, what's the difference??

I think you have your issues confused. You should focus on yourself and how you allowed yourself to be in this situation.

 

[Nephelauxetic]

I think you have your issues confused. You should focus on yourself and how you allowed yourself to be in this situation.

Seriously? I absolutely don't think it is the 16 year old boy's responsibility whether to get abused or not.
Well I hope it won't happen again but I just don't think that this age problem is not an issue. Let's face it, this guy was just abusing a young boy's naive trust in "age doesn't really matter". This sucks

 

[3nipples]

I agree that age matters and if I believed, as you appear to, that the OP were 16, then my answer would be completely different.

As it is, he claims to be 23 and I see no reason to disbelieve him. Nevertheless I didn't mean to imply that there was any fault on his part.

I think it's a waste of energy to direct blame and anger at the partner. Instead he should focus on himself and grow from the experience so he won't be suckered in by another manipulative sleaze in the future.

 

[KaraBulut]

Seriously? I absolutely don't think it is the 16 year old boy's responsibility whether to get abused or not.
Well I hope it won't happen again but I just don't think that this age problem is not an issue. Let's face it, this guy was just abusing a young boy's naive trust in "age doesn't really matter". This sucks

Very important point to reiterate from 3nipples' post: the "16" in the username is not his age. The user has posted in other threads stating his age is 22. If he were 16, he would be banned from JUB.

This is one of several threads that recounts a series of problems with this relationship. As I said earlier in this thread, there's so many fatal flaws in this relationship, that the question of 35 versus 47 is minor by comparison.

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

Shit, why don't these 22 year olds ask me out?!

 

[bankside]

Except the top/bottom thing really has almost nothing to do with which sensations a person happens to prefer. It is not like flavour of ice cream. Everyone who gives a preference almost always gives away the game by the reasons they give.

"It takes me a long time to trust before I will bottom." In other words, "I'm happy to fuck people I don't trust, but it sure is awkward if he wants to try doing the exact same thing to me."

Or they do equate it to masculinity & control vs. femininity & submissiveness and they refuse to share those roles with the other man. The minute you decide that topping really is more masculine than bottoming is the minute you need to either become 100% versatile to balance things out, or go find a straight woman to fuck.

Or: bottoming hurts, period. So I never will ever do it but I don't mind obviously putting the guy I am fucking into a great deal of pain because it is worth it (for me!)

I would believe that maybe 1 out of 20 so-called tops or bottoms has a genuine anatomically based capacity to enjoy one more than the other. The rest is just ignorance or selfishness or some other kind of crap that they've been spoon-fed and believed without thinking.

Also, anal sex is not supposed to hurt. It never hurt me. When I first tried anything back there, I didn't get past one fingertip because it just started to hurt. So I took it out. You aren't supposed to "get past the pain." You're supposed to stop at the pain because it means you're doing it wrong. The angle is wrong, or you're not relaxed enough yet, or you need more lube, etc. Play ring-around-the-rosie with your ass and a slippery finger for another 5 minutes and then try putting it in again.

If it takes you 20 tries to get it right, it is worth stopping cold 19 times before you actually go through with it.

Because when you get it right, it isn't something you have to put up with, it is "YES! Wow.....I can't believe it! Fuck. MORE. FUCK ME. Oh wow! I had no idea!!! That feels so good. OH YEAH. MORE!!! FUCK ME!!! Oh that feels so good."

And you don't need to have a hard-on to enjoy getting fucked. If you both know what you're doing, when you're getting fucked your dick might as well be on a shelf in the closet, because it will just be a distraction until it is your turn to make his ass feel as good as yours will feel.

 

[blahman16]

Thanks for all the responses. I was naive, I will look back at this and hopefully won't make the mistakes again. I'm fairly new to meeting people online, I did not do enough research because I got my hands into it. I'm sorry.

In direct response to bankside's post, I don't want to bottom because I truly did not enjoy it, and as far as trust goes it falls into the latter part: "bottoming hurts, period. So I never will ever do it but I don't mind obviously putting the guy I am fucking into a great deal of pain because it is worth it (for me!)" for the right person I can do it, but I'm not going to put myself in that position to keep receiving something I don't enjoy versus topping.


I truly appreciate all the responses I have received that pertains to the relationship I described. I'm not oblivious that I have received great advice, but I am working hard to get over this. sorry. i've experimented with a few guys in the past, but this was the first where I really liked this guy and I just really got myself into a big, big mess because he played his game so well. I guess I'm just really disappointed that the first guy I liked couldn't have turned out to be someone better, instead happened the way it did.