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Boy I like...who may like me?

jayamsterdam

jayamsterdam

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Hi Everyone,

I am fairly new to the site and was wondering if you could give me some advice.

I am a 24 year old bi male from California. I just moved back to my old college town, after graduating, to start graduate school. During my first week here, I met this really cute guy in my internship. Found out he is gay. We have been flirting for the past month. Flirting with our eyes, our words, and facebook chats. He finds excuses to come near my desk in the office at the internship, and I find myself literally doing the same.
The only thing is, I can tell he is not into hooking up, which is fine with me, because I genuinely like him and want more than a standard hookup (I have not felt like this about anyone before!).
When we chat, the chemistry is just perfect. When we look at each other, he will smile, blush, and look away. I know I'm not crazy, but he HAS to be attracted to me.

Only problem is, he has been to my house twice now, and both times he will not come over without bringing a female companion along.

What is up with this? Does he feel uncomfortable being by himself? I live in a really small town and all the gay guys know each other here, but they all have told me that he is pretty much not into hooking up, that he does not get around (unlike many others). He is basically very inexperienced. Is he bringing the female companions along for his "protection"? Is he just nervous or what?

Give me some insight!
 
Seems like he`s very shy,i`m guessing that you have to be the one who makes the first move here.Call him and ask him to come again to ur place and tell him that you want him to come alone,do not be too harsh though.
A month is alot of time to be flirting.Its time to take the next step or someone else will beat you to it. Goodluck!
 
Maybe you should try hanging out in a neutral location. If he insists on bringing a friends when you hang out at your place, maybe hes a bit uncomfortable or thinks you'll try something on him. Just make sure he knows that if you do start a relationship you're happy to move at his pace.
 
Hi Jay,

You might also propose a meeting at a public place. Can be anything, like having a dinner together, go to a café to drink coffee together. Just very informal. How about visiting his place?

What kind of shared (work /study related) interests both of you have? Maybe there is a possibility that you go together with him to any meeting or so when it has anything to do with this shared work / study related topic.

Does he know that you are bi? And does he know that you know that he is gay?

Take your time, but maybe you should also try and make clear to him that you like him. No need to hurry and realize yourself that there are no fixed rules how to built up a relationship / friendship, and that its totally up to you and to him how the relationship / friendship will develop. There is no rule saying that a gay guy and a bi guy cannot have friendshaip that can be described as a 'guy friendship'.

Some people feel themself comfortable when they are surrounded by 'old' friends. You have a lot of 'shared time' with him, and you can easily use this 'shared time' to learn more from each other.
 
Just another thought here is the work relationship. Perhaps he is concerned about it and feels it proper to have another person there.

Most likely your whole concern will go away with a little time and communication. :-)
 
Maybe you should point-blank ask him, "Want to go out on a date?"

Maybe he's looking for validation that it's dating and not a hookup?
 
I was thinking about that just now. Maybe I should just say, "So wanna go on a man-date?" cuz really, I am starting to get a bit flustered.
 
Find something you're both interested in doing- like going to a movie or to a public event. It's a little less pressure for a shy person to have something that you're both doing that helps avoid awkward silences.

Invite him to go and have dinner afterward so that you can talk.

If it goes well, then make it clear that you want to spend more time with him and call it a real "date" the next time.
 
I think I'll go with asking him directly on a DATE. Just sucks because the next two weekends I will be out of town completely so maybe it will have to be a lunch date =[.

With that said, we were having dinner together at school about a week or two ago, and the chemistry was just amazing. We were both shy but once the conversation started, you could just feel it. I could see it on his face. I swear I'm not crazy, lol, I can tell he likes me. But some people think I am straight, others not so much, so maybe I am not giving enough signals to him.
Either way, we are both attracted to each other - as far as I can tell - and have very similar and varied interests. I feel that with more discovery of one another, we could really complement each other.
 
Good luck. He sounds like a nice guy as do you. If you have a successful time or two he may be willing to see you without a gal pal.

You might also surprise him sometime and ask him out in an impromptu manner such as after class or work.
 
Sounds like you've been wooing each other.
Take the plunge mid-woo next time and ask him. See what happens.
And lunch seems less intimidating IMO. Casual drinks moreso if asking on the spot.
 
Hi Jayamsterdam,

Thanks for giving us some more details. I tend to agree with Seasoned that both of you are nice and friendly guys.

Likely, he is willing to have another lunch with you, so spending more often the lunchtime together might be a good way to built up a nice friendship with him, and to learn more about each other and in a very safe environment.

Good luck.
 
OK, update: I have come to the conclusion that this boy is not out yet. Neither am I, so we are both hiding in the closet from each other. This complicates things a bit.
Guess I just need to figure out a way to bring up the topic...and be the bigger man and come out at him!
 
jayamsterdam said:
OK, update: I have come to the conclusion that this boy is not out yet. Neither am I, so we are both hiding in the closet from each other. This complicates things a bit.
Guess I just need to figure out a way to bring up the topic...and be the bigger man and come out at him!
Click to expand...
there you go .. ;)
 
Good luck Jay! Wishing you both the best!
 
This is becoming worse and worse =[

Before I had met him, he mentioned something on Facebook about wanting to become a priest. I asked him today if he was serious about it and he said he was.
As I said before, he is 110% on my gaydar and I have found out from a friend that he is indeed gay. He's only 20, and definitely not out, because when he hangs out with his girlfriends, they'll bring up him needing a girlfriend and he just goes along with it.
These past few days I have barely talked to him since he last came over on the weekend and brought his female companion along.
I live in a smaller town where every gay person knows each other, and he has not been part of that scene, which leads me to believe he is a virgin. I would not be surprised if he was!
Now I have a feeling his religion will keep him from wanting anything to do with me, as far as romance is concerned. I have no idea how to approach this.
This sucks!
I was thinking of chatting with him on Facebook tonight and telling him that my ex-girlfriend is coming back to town (she is not, but still), and that she wants to see me; however, I have one problem: I have a crush on someone else. I then will proceed to tell him that it is a boy (gasp!) and that I hope he is okay with that. This will hopefully lead to him coming out to me as well, and then maybe see where the conversation goes from there, and if the situation warrants it, tell him that I like him.

But with all this, there are too many great risks involved.

What do you guys think?
 
I'm no expert but I say go for it dude! Kinda wish I was in your position :/ There's no one here I've met so far that I have that sort of chemistry with. Eh, oh well... Goodluck! Keep us updated!
 
menRsexii said:
I'm no expert but I say go for it dude! Kinda wish I was in your position :/ There's no one here I've met so far that I have that sort of chemistry with. Eh, oh well... Goodluck! Keep us updated!
Click to expand...

well, here is the update.....


I told him about my ex-girlfriend wanting to come back to town (yes, I do have an ex-girfriend, but no she is not coming back to town). I said the only issue is, she doesn't know I like boys and girls.
I then proceeded to tell him that he is cute.
He then congratulated me and as the conversation progressed, insisted that he liked girls.
A direct quote that he gave was, "Don't confuse yourself, I like girls."
Obviously he is very confused because I'm sorry, but you don't flirt with a man, dash your eye lashes at a man, and listen to girly pop music and tell me you ONLY like girls!

So I dunno if this is a case of "the closet door is locked and the keys are missing" or if its just him being honestly straight, while exhibiting feminine behaviors, gestures, and interests.

Either way, I feel like a fool for telling this 20 year old Catholic boy --- who wants to join the PRIESTHOOD --- NO SEX for LIFE ---- from a small town farming community, how I felt about him and that he is cute.
I just hope that deep down inside he is too embarrassed to come out of the closet, and perhaps my confession to him allowed him to feel more comfortable with me, so if he ever changes his mind, he can come to me.
 
Sounds like a nice guy - maybe too nice to shock his family by coming out as gay.
Seems wrong to blindly follow something that might be imaginary when it could make him deeply unhappy in the long run. Not entirely sure living with a bunch of possibly like-minded guys will help him.
Maybe some time out of town for him could help?
And anyway - what does he think confession is for? More fun than Catholic guilt.
 
hi Jayamsterdam,

Towards my opinion, it was very good of you to tell him that you like him, that you think he is cute, and that you like girls as well as guys.

I mean, now its also clear to him that you might also have interests in him that go beyond of becoming 'guys friends' of each other. Maybe he is shocked, maybe he is indeed telling the truth, maybe he needs more time, maybe he is unsure. I, and others over here don't know, as we have no clue about his real feelings / ideas, including his real ideas of you.

I tend to advise you to take your time. You have set an important first step to him (and maybe also a good step for yourself) not to hide anymore to guys that you are also interested in guys and so on.

Towards my opinion, adults are free in their choice to become priest or not. On the other hand, quite a few people who are not comfortable about their own sexual orientation and how to cope with their own sexual needs, choose to become a priest.

Best wishes & take care.
 
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