Boy I like...who may like me?

[KaraBulut]

...and as the conversation progressed, insisted that he liked girls.
A direct quote that he gave was, "Don't confuse yourself, I like girls."
Obviously he is very confused because I'm sorry, but you don't flirt with a man, dash your eye lashes at a man, and listen to girly pop music and tell me you ONLY like girls!
So I dunno if this is a case of "the closet door is locked and the keys are missing" or if its just him being honestly straight, while exhibiting feminine behaviors, gestures, and interests.

Well, that explains a lot.

Here's the deal: if someone tells you they are straight, take them at their word and accept it.

It doesn't matter if he wears glitter makeup, lisps and listens to nothing but Madonna on his pink iPhone. If he tells you he's straight, accept it.

Perhaps someday he'll have a moment of clarity and realize that he's working really hard to not deal with a certain issue but in the meantime, it's time for you to find another guy to be interested in. This one has too much baggage.

 

[jayamsterdam]

There has been a major update in this case, I will tell you guys all about it in a minute. Cannot believe I haven't logged on since September!

 

[jayamsterdam]

Thank you all for your advice months ago.
Just an update: I been his friend now since August and I take every opportunity I have to flirt with him. I can tell he likes it because he laughs and blushes half of the time. We have been hanging out a lot, too, but again, most of the time it is with "supervision" i.e.: a friend of his is with him.
This past Thursday, I invited him out to the bars with some friends, and he agreed to meet at my house prior to going out. We went to our downtown area and had A LOT to drink.
Afterward, we split apart from my friends and since his car was parked at my house and he was pretty intoxicated, he wanted to stay on my couch. We got inside, I heated up some pizza (or rather, he did because I was too drunk...I just guided him to it in the fridge), and we chatted for a bit. He said, "You look tired, you should go to bed!" at which point I agreed. I was still drunk and stumbling.
When we got to my bedroom, he started undoing my pants and taking my shirt off, and put my pajama's on for me. I stood up and he started guiding me toward my bed when I just went for it and kissed him on the cheek.
He laughed and I laid down. He went to plug in my phone, which sits next to my head near my bed, and I leaned over and kissed him again. I asked him if it bothered him and he said no.
I then asked if he'd lay in bed with me and cuddle, but he declined, stating he'd go lay on the couch. He moved to the couch in my living room and left me alone in the bedroom. I was slowly starting to detoxify from my alcoholic binge, and called out his name several times, until he finally returned to my room.
He suggested I jack off so I would shut up and fall asleep and I told him I didn't want to, that I wanted to cuddle with him. Finally, he says to me, "Do you want me to stroke you?" and I of course said, "Uhm...if you want to, I don't know!" Well, long and behold, he came over to my bed and started jacking me off, eventually my penis in his mouth.
He did this for several minutes until he stopped. He was freaking out! Turns out, my intuition was right - he is a bi/gay man still deep in the closet, and just realized what he was doing. Inexperienced, and all.
He kept saying, "I don't know what I'm doing...I knew something like this would happen, OMG, I can't believe I did that! I feel weird!" We spent about an hour after that just chatting, and he just kept saying things would be awkward now.
Now I'm not sure what to do. He hasn't been responsive via text or facebook, and has been posting cryptic statuses like, "Discovering new things is never bad....Life is for learning!" and I'm going, "Uhm ok...?"

SO...should I just stay away from him for a while? Does he need "space" to think about this? I know the first time I sucked a dick, I was stunned and didn't feel "right" for like four days - didn't talk to the guy for a whole week until I realized everything was ok.
I dunno what to do with him. I want him, I like him, I could see myself dating him, but I have no idea if he's running away.

 

[Rolyo85]

Stay away. Give him time, but don't hope for much. It's not worth the drama dating a guy who's so deep in the closet that he can't even admit being gay to himself. It'll ruin everything you feel for him anyway. Don't do this to yourself. Now, if he figures things out and comes to you, that's a different situation.

 

[looseliam]

Give him space, but not too much. What I mean is that you have the excuse of being "really drunk" and "not remembering a thing." I would put this incident out of your mind for the time being and try and act like you did prior to this incident. Don't push him; don't bring-up what happened. If there's to be discussion or anything else, let him take the lead.

 

[KaraBulut]

Here's the deal: if someone tells you they are straight, take them at their word and accept it.

Your story is exactly why I gave you this piece of advice.

Everyone has their own time and process for dealing with their sexuality. You can't drag anyone out of the closet nor can you push them out. Your suspicious don't give you the right to make assumptions about anyone's sexuality.

What has happened now is that you set up a situation where you flirted and acted seductively toward your friend. You and your friend got drunk and he ended up in a sexual situation that he wasn't quite ready to deal with emotionally.

Where he might have been willing to seek you out as an understanding friend that he could talk to, you've now moved into the unfortunate position of being the person that he associates with (and perhaps blames for) his own confusion.

I dunno what to do with him. I want him, I like him, I could see myself dating him, but I have no idea if he's running away.

You're pursuing your own agenda here instead of really having your friend's best interests in mind. Good friends don't do this kind of thing to each other.

If you can't be a friend then honestly you would be better off putting some space between the two of you before you make the situation worse.