The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Boyfriend has a Straight Bestfriend

TX-Beau

TX-Beau

FEAR THE LIBERAL DETENTE!
Joined
Jun 16, 2008
Posts
21,684
Reaction score
1,759
Points
113
Location
Austin
Yes you're paranoid, and you're also insecure, and that is going to lead to jealousy which will end your relationship.

You're BF can't do anything to stop you from snooping and suspecting and being jealous because you are doing this with absolutely no reason to suspect him of anything.

Which means the insecurity is yours, and if you can't bring youself to trust a guy who's done nothing to make you distrust him, you need to work on that.

Stop going through his phone, you've only been dating two months and if I caught you pulling that shit that early I'd walk.

You are not in competition with his friends and if you think you are - there's something else you need to work on.

Think about it, you are running around playing Mata Hari, worrying about "competing" with people he's not fucking - after TWO MONTHS!

Does that sound reasonable?

Stop it.
 
Seriously, your BF has given you nothing to worry about, and you checked his phone? That's pretty insecure.

Deleting texts after someone is done with them is a normal thing to do - I do it with all my texts!

Just because he's straight, and a friend, doesn't necessarily mean anything. Un;ess you have hard evidence, let it go - otherwise, the resement will build.
 
It's not ok to go through another person's private things. It will hurt you in at least two ways. You won't be able to keep a boyfriend and you will never have piece of mind. You are setting yourself up for unhealthy relationships characterized by suspicion and co-dependency.

The best way to combat insecurity is to work on self-esteem.
 
Your are so insecure, immature and childish, let alone snoopping .

You are laying the foundation of no trust, in the deepest sence of the word. Any bound to fail in this and possibly other LTR's you may have with this kind of attitude. Sorry to say and be this harsh, but trying to beat into you the importance of what trust in a relationship means, and that is just one part of it.

We have been together for 27 yrs and I have NEVER gone thru my honey's phone, email, wallet, mail. we have str8t friends, and gay friends that we each have separate from all our other friends and we go out and do things w/o each other, and we don't have a worry in the world about it.

you need and bit of internal help...
 
Well, everyone else has already said it so I'm just going to tell you to reread the advice you've received.

You need to bear in mind that these guys have probably shared much more over the years of their friendship than you have over the last 8 weeks. That ought to be respected and you should be trying to make your BF's friend feel comfortable and at ease when you are around too.

At this point, you are acting like a BF from Hell.
 
Well for the erasing history of messages, maybe his friend has private things he doesn't want anyone to know but him, or your boyfriend has private things to say to him. 10 years of friendship, they must have a great friendship and I'd suggest you respect it and not assume things because of your own insecurities. Just look at the bright side :)
 
rareboy said:
You need to bear in mind that these guys have probably shared much more over the years of their friendship than you have over the last 8 weeks. That ought to be respected and you should be trying to make your BF's friend feel comfortable and at ease when you are around too.
Click to expand...

I couldn't agree more. I went through a similar situation when my husband and I were first together. My husband has a best friend who is straight. I was jealous of their relationship for a long time, until I got to know him. He is now one of my closest friends. Just give him a chance, and get to know him. Also the reason he ignores the friends calls when he is with you is because he doesn't want to interrupt his time with you. Stop acting so paranoid, and just take a breath, and give this guy a chance.
 
Guys, be nice to the OP. No-Flame zone, remember? There's no reason to call him childish and the "bf from Hell." Keep in mind he's confused and trusting us for advice.

Great advice has already been offered here about making friends with your boyfriend's straight friend. Include yourself in that friendship. Ask to be a part of hanging out or encourage inviting him over for dinner or something. That will definitely help the situation.

If you find your boyfriend is defensive and refuses to let you have anything to do with their friendship, then that should be a red flag.

Find a happy balance between including yourself in this friendship, and also respecting the personal friendship your boyfriend has with his friend.
 
I would just point out that I didn't call the OP a Boyfriend from Hell. I said he was acting like one. There is a distinction.

In the first case, I would be indicating that the OP has exhibited pathological behaviour of such consistency as to be utterly dysfunctional.

In this case, given that we have someone 2 months into a relationship having such issues with a bf's 10 year friendship to them point of checking personal text messages, I think it is pretty fair to point out that he may not even realize how his response to the situation may be similar to the behaviour of one of those nightmare guys that I'm sure he does not want to be like.

I've seen these problematic relationships many times over the years. Friend gets a new boyfriend or girlfriend who is so irrationally jealous that eventually you expect to find your pet rabbit in the stew pot.

So no. The OP is not a BF from Hell. And it is not simply immaturity that has a hold on his perspective.

But at such an early stage in the relationship, there seems to be no trust or desire to accommodate his BF's
other, long time friends. And unless that is addressed by the OP coming to grips with the motivation behind his jealousy, there's no way that this can end well.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top