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Boyfriend Help

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bottomboy456

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What you need to find out is whether he just said it was okay to make you happy or whether it genuinely doesn't bother him. I'd say the best approach would be to assure him that if he does bother him, you will not do it. Generally, open relationships aren't a good idea unless both partners want it and both partners are doing stuff with other people. Otherwise, the one that isn't involved with other people may build up resentment against the one who is.
 
Theoretically, one could have 12 desserts at dinner. Some people take sex lightly and some do not. Some people find love through sex and some do not. The question here is what importance do you attach to sex? What are your standards. If you were allowed 12 desserts as a kid would it gave been good for you. What I'm trying to say is don't make this about permission granted; make it about your ethics and morals. It's an individualized thing. Being objectified and seeking out sex objects is not for everyone, while others treat it lightly and consider it hot fun.

Another consideration is what effect, if any, will it have on the relationship and how you will feel when he has sex with someone else.
 
I will second what Seasoned said. Think of how you'd feel if he did that. Would it make you jealous? Would you be hurt? Even if not, you should consider whether he really meant it, or if he was just saying what he thought you wanted to hear.

Also, as a general rule, I am all for slutting around while single, but relationships are already messy enough without the added drama of casual sex with outsiders.
 
Do you feel comfortable enough to tell your boyfriend, "I want you to have fun too. Go. Go kiss and have sex with other guys." ?
 
Rolyo85 said:
Also, as a general rule, I am all for slutting around while single, but relationships are already messy enough without the added drama of casual sex with outsiders.
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Ok here's the crux of the issue. Yes it's possible to have a successful open relationship. Guys get in them for different reasons but one thing is pretty much imperative. You both have to be mature and confident enough to handle it.

Thinking about your partner being with another guy is a very different thing than knowing he's out somewhere with some other guy's cock up his ass. How do you feel about that, because you have to understand implicitly that this is what an open relationshp means.

I have to disagree with the whole "morals/ethics," thing. There isn't anything immoral or unethical about setting the terms of your relationship in any way you want. There are no moral or ethical considerations in the kinds of foods you like to eat and your sexuality is a natural drive just like hunger.

What you do have to consider is your motivations for going there. You didn't give us much context over the conversations you had, and a lot of guys start thinking about having an open relationship BECAUSE they are looking for a way out of the one they're in, is that you? I don't know, but in order to make this work, you both have to be very strongly committed to your relationship and one another.

Open relationships are harder than monogamous ones, they require more maturity, more commitment, and more confidence.
 
And I think they also mostly require a particular type of mindset. For example, I don't know if I'm capable of one. I'm just too possessive. Threesomes and other group fun is all well and nice, as long as both of us participate together. But him going somewhere and having sex with someone without me in the picture seems like I wouldn't be able to handle it.

My point is, I don't think maturity and hard work are enough.
 
starshipped691 said:
Would it be ok for me to have sex with other guys or what do you think? Would it be considered cheating even though he said it was ok? What's your opinion? Thx
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In the end, what we say doesn't matter. It's your own values that you have to use to decide if this is okay with you. You have to live with the knowledge of your actions and any consequences that come after.

It's interesting, however, that the subject of your boyfriend's side activies haven't come up. If he's okay with you kissing and having sex with other guys, does he also think it's okay that he do the same?
 
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