The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Boyfriend not that into sex

B

bleedlikeme

On the Prowl
Joined
May 12, 2005
Posts
68
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Okay
So my boyfriend isn't really that into sex.
Unlike myself (and most guys who could go at any moment) he can't.
Last night we were half way through but we had to stop because someone from his family came home and then that kinda killed it and we didn't climax.

The next day I was like hinting at it to go again but he wasn't really following my advances.
This was killing me as I was basically suffering from blue balls.

Then later when we were lying on the bed I asked if he had much of a sex drive and he said not really. He asked if I did which I said "YES!".

But yeah it sucks cause its been like well over a week since we've had sex I'm not sure what to do????
 
id just break up, but im sure there are lots of "relationship counseling" things you can do (talk about it, masturbate more often, make sure he eats healthy, etc.) before you eventually break up.
 
In situations like this, the question isn't the mismatch between your sex drives. The question is how much the two of you are willing to compromise.

The first thing to do is eliminate any physical problems- diabetes, thyroid disease, low testosterone, etc- that might be the cause.

After the possibility of a physical problem is eliminated, the two of you need to talk. The problem isn't that he doesn't want to have sex. The problem is that you want to have sex more often and you're not speaking up.

What do you want/need? Is it just to get off? Is it affection/touch/cuddling? Do you want him to dominate you? Do you want to watch him get off? You need to be more specific about what you need in order for him to compromise and give you at least part of what you're looking for.

And for couples who do have different libidos, there are lots of other options but you have to be willing to speak up and find compromises that enable both of you to get what you need.
 
Oh for fuck's sake people. Relationships are about more than just sex.

I'm sure you'll do what you think is the right solution, bleedlikeme. But you can be happy with him, even without much sex. Nobody has died because of not having sex. Use your hand if he's not feeling like it.
 
I've had two boyfriends that I've told I was really into sex right now kinda thing.

Which was a total lie. For me, I was still really into sex....just not with them. Both times I was ready to break up with them and I just didn't realize it at the time.

If I were you I'd check my emotions at the door and sit down and have a really honest convo with him. Just don't get accusitory or emotional. That's blackmail, and when it comes to that most people will lie to make you feel better.
 
well my bf and I have been together for a year and a half, I have a really have a high sex drive and his isnt quite what mine is. But that dosent defien our relationship. We enjoy being together, and when we do have sex its AMAZING!! but there are things we do to get eachother in the mood lol. Just dont pressure and things will work themselves out. that the biggest thing that ive learned. If you pressure for sex, you will frustrate yourself more than its worth.
 
Talk about it, sex isn't everything. Use your hand if you are horny... I had an ex who was way too horny all the time, he wanted sex like two or three times a day... sometimes you just don't want that much sex.

Also me and my bf only fool around about once a week, the rest of the time I use my hand and porn :-P
 
Glenn2507 said:
Oh for fuck's sake people. Relationships are about more than just sex.

I'm sure you'll do what you think is the right solution, bleedlikeme. But you can be happy with him, even without much sex. Nobody has died because of not having sex. Use your hand if he's not feeling like it.
Click to expand...

I agree with all of this. Breaking up with someone over something like this is such a stupid thing to do and I can't believe people actually do it. I guess for some people relationships really are just about sex.
 
Frosty said:
I agree with all of this. Breaking up with someone over something like this is such a stupid thing to do and I can't believe people actually do it. I guess for some people relationships really are just about sex.
Click to expand...

I'm amazed by this as well, why can't people just be in love for personality and not for the sex drive? There are some people who just don't have a high active sex drive, I'm one of them and I can still pleasure my boyfriend in the process that alone is what makes me happy.

I can't give much advice since its already been given, but if me and my boyfriend were in the same situation, I guess the only thing to do is just jack off right in front of him, if that doesn't turn him on then maybe he has a problem with it, sometimes depression or stress can damage a sex drive.
 
just to clarify, i dont think sex is the only thing in a relationship that counts. i just think its a very important aspect, especially if you think long-term. and im a guy who always thinks long-term when it comes to relationships, because i take them very seriously.

i also believe that a persons sexuality rarely changes, and almost never consciously. in other words, your partners sexuality might shift in the future, but you cant count on it, and you cant affect it. it will just happen... or not.

so yeah, i guess the op can try to change his partner (wont happen), or find ways of working around the issue, eg by masturbating more. that still leaves him with a partner who gives him less sexual satisfaction than he would like to have, and that reads as incompatibility to me. the question is: is he happy compromising like that for the forseeable future? he might be able to look past that and stay in the relationship for the other aspects, but i predict that the situation will build up resentments, that will eventually lead to a break-up down the line.

or not. maybe for him, sexuality isnt as important as it is for me. im just saying what i would do. not because im a brain-dead horn-dog who doesnt care about anything else, but because i take relationships seriously, and i want every aspect of it to be healthy, especially the ones that are unlikely to change in the future.
 
I think it’s a matter of degree. If you want sex every day and he only wants it a few times a week, well, you can compromise with that. If he doesn’t want to get off, he can still get you off, and you can compromise down on the asking.

But if you want sex every day and he wants sex maybe once every few months. That’s a much bigger problem.

I would have a problem if the guy I was with only rarely wanted to have sex. That wouldn’t work for me. I consider sex to be an integral part of a relationship. If I love you and don’t have sex with you, you’re a friend. If you love me and don’t want to have sex with me, that tells me I’m your friend.

What to do, well, it depends on how important sex is for you. It’s important to me, so a guy who had a very low sex drive very likely would not be a compatible match for me. Nor would extreme compromises about it work very well for me, because I’d know the only reason he was having sex for the most part, was to humor me.

Plus, being a guy with a pretty high sex drive, I would probably wonder why he didn’t want to have sex with me. Intellectually I might accept that he just didn’t want to have sex with anyone that much, but emotionally I’d still wonder. That would cause friction.
 
>>>I'm amazed by this as well, why can't people just be in love for personality and not for the sex drive?

People can. Lots of people do. But those people are not the sort of person to start a thread like this one. It's not even the fact the he started a "I want sex more than he does" thread. I've seen plenty of those, and even helped a couple folks work through that issue. The first post here, however, didn't strike me in a "hey, we're having an issue" sort of way. It struck me more as "hey, I tried having sex with him, and he turned me flat. What am I supposed to do?" Talking with him didn't appear to be an option. In which case, the four options are wait, masturbate, cheat, or break up. Let's just say I found the first two unlikely to be followed, and the third one I had issues with suggesting. Which left option four.

Lex
 
I agree with TX. If you can't find a compromise, you may need to reconsider the relationship, but you NEED to talk to him.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top