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Boyfriend not who you "saw yourself" with?

Providence

Providence

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Yep, I know what you mean. I always pictured myself with someone who is in extremely good shape but the person I'm with is kind of chubby but it doesn't bother me at all and if anything to me, he's the hottest person in the world. So yeah, we tend to surprise ourselves. We don't always know what we want.
 
well that's life :) the mr perfect in your mind, most likely won't be the mr perfect that you meet :)
 
interactpres said:
So, I have a question. Have you/Do you ever date(d) a guy that goes against how you saw yourself in a relationship? It's hard for me to actualize this into sentences, but like...I always saw myself having a more masculine boyfriend, but here I find myself very much excited and so far content, with a more feminine man. Everyone envisions their ideal relationship, but I find myself happy with a situation that is not my ideal. ave any of you found yourself in a similar situation if so how did/how is it work(ing) out? Thanks for your time!
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Happens all the time. I think it's us THINKING we know what we want, but not really. What we say we want, and what we really want are often times hugely different. Opposites attract for a reason.
 
interactpres said:
So, I have a question. Have you/Do you ever date(d) a guy that goes against how you saw yourself in a relationship? It's hard for me to actualize this into sentences, but like...I always saw myself having a more masculine boyfriend, but here I find myself very much excited and so far content, with a more feminine man. Everyone envisions their ideal relationship, but I find myself happy with a situation that is not my ideal. ave any of you found yourself in a similar situation if so how did/how is it work(ing) out? Thanks for your time!
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Well...My first boyfriend was a skinny, more feminine guy...and it didn't work for me at all.
I felt like I was gonna crush him when we were making out. :o
We broke up, but we're still friends.
Right now, I'm trying to start a new relationship with a guy who's the same size as me...and I'm really into him.
 
This will sound corny, but I didn't see myself with my partner before I met him. He's so "my type" in every imaginable way that I thought if I ever ran across such a man, I wouldn't stand a chance. Well, I did run across him and I did stand a chance.
 
You're wasting your time. You dont need to prove yourself for anybody, they should like you for who you are.
 
interactpres said:
So I have another ordeal...with the same guy. We went out to dinner last night, and he made it very clear to me that he's not looking to make "us" official anytime soon, which I'm cool with, I certainly don't want either of us to rush into anything, but he said that he will continue to date around for quite awhile before deciding to commit to a relationship just between "us". He also said he likes for guys to fight over him, and that is what proves a guys commitment to him. I guess this kind of dating i fine and dandy for some, but I really just focus on one person at a time when I date...I don't automatically commit to someone, but I don't want them to feel like they have to vye for my attention. So, I'm asking, are our views to different to be able to continue on this way, I feel like, with him having like 4 other prospective boyfriends, I am more or less setting myself up for dissappointment. I really like him, and I think we're a good match, but I don't want to waste my time.
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WoW. You should have said "Wait, I must be retarded because i thought i just heard you say you want guys to fight over you."

That is beyond ridiculous. It's great that he thinks so highly of himself that people should duke it out over him. However, I'll wager that its all in his head. To me this is huge flag number one. He may not have any clue about a real relationship.

I dont think its unusual for guys to see a few different guys at one time till they meet one that they spark with. However its usually only 2 or 3 maybe 4 dates till you know if you click. Huge red flag number 2, If after a month or two he still wants to date other people, i vote cut your loses and move on. Chances are he isnt that into you, and he feels that something is better than nothing and as soon as something more to his liking comes along he'll either vanish or cut you loose.

Also I think its really bad form to TELL someone you are remotely interested in ( and if you put the effort into going on a date you have alt east a little interest) that you are seeing a whole collection of other guys is just tacky and rude. My opinion would be that either wants to make you jealous or let you know he is "in demand." I tend to avoid guys who are that into themselves. Sounds like he either isn't into committed relationships/ relationships in general, or he needs to grow up.
 
My pride would have made me walk away right after he said he liked people to fiight over him! If it does work out you're setting yourself up to be in a relationship where he holds all the power, and that doesn't work IMO
 
interactpres said:
To y'all, 4 months will see like a long time, but he's flight attendant and he works alot, so it ends up being more like 2 months when we're together.
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This seems like another reason to drop him.
 
Who is the moving party in the dates here? Do you call him and invite him to do things, come for dinner, whatever? Does he call you? If you are doing all the work to keep the friendship going, that's a good sign that it's too one-sided to be healthy. When you think it is his turn to set something up, just wait for him to contact you. If he doesn't, you know how much you mean to him.
 
My "ideal type" was a tall, slimmish, perhaps half-Asian, semi-muscular, clean-shaven guy.

I'm now partnered. With a short, roundish, white guy with facial hair.

Wouldn't have it any other way.

Lex
 
interactpres said:
So, I have a question. Have you/Do you ever date(d) a guy that goes against how you saw yourself in a relationship? It's hard for me to actualize this into sentences, but like...I always saw myself having a more masculine boyfriend, but here I find myself very much excited and so far content, with a more feminine man. Everyone envisions their ideal relationship, but I find myself happy with a situation that is not my ideal. ave any of you found yourself in a similar situation if so how did/how is it work(ing) out? Thanks for your time!
Click to expand...

Throughout my twenties, I always found myself attracted more to younger men, but somehow, my only serious relationships have always been with older men. By the time I reached my mid thirties, I realised that I have nothing in common with younger men and so have decided that what I really want is an older man. With my luck, my next partner will be some 18 year old chippy frwesh out of high school now.

I find it best to simply go with the flow and respond honestly to how a person makes you feel, regardless of whether he falls short of your initial mental checklist of the "perfect guy". Many times we are not aware of what others have to offer when we are too focused on what we perceive them not to have.
 
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