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Boyfriend Problems

M

mcdaddy

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Hey guys,
I've been having kind of a frustrating week, so this could just be that other stress is making me stress over this, but this is really frustrating me. My boyfriend and I were talking earlier this week and he mentioned wanted to go camping. I love camping, so I was instantly down with the idea. He then mentioned that it was going to be with a bunch of his extended family. Who don't know he's gay. Apparently, his plan is to just let them figure this out while I'm there.
Perhaps I'm just jaded. My own coming out experience has been a bit of a rocky road. But in my experience, most people need a minute, even if they are cool with it, to process this new information. They need to ask dumb questions like "when did you know" and "are you sure" before they can kind of get over it and go back to normal. I feel like just showing up at your extended family's camping trip with your new boyfriend when they are expecting either regular friends or a girlfriend might just be too much.
I don't know. He seems to think they'd be fine with it and "doesn't want to make it a big deal," but I feel like it is a big deal whether we like it or not. Idk...anybody up? I'd like to talk to somebody.
 
But he is involving his partner... I dont think its right. He has to do it on his own. Ok maybe he doesnt HAVE to do it on his own but to put that on someone else is not nice. You cant excpect your boyfriend to be there (in an encolsed enviroment) when you come out. Its too much. How long have you been together? Age? Ect?
 
It is HIS choice to come out like that, but it is also YOUR choice whether you want to play along with this.
The problem here is that the outcome or the "plan" is as unclear to you as it is to him, you don't know the people you don't know what you're in for.
Apparently he thinks everything will work out and be fine .. I'd try to get as much infos about the people involved, the reactions he expects from them and if he has a "backup" plan - and then make a decision.
 
It's not like going to Thanksgiving dinner together. You are going to be with these people overnight. He's being unfair to you. You have a right to not participate.
 
It's a bit uncomfortable to be camping with strangers in a situation in which no one knows whether you are a friend or a boyfriend...

If you're not comfortable with the situation, take a pass on the camping trip and suggest another alternative way to meet his family and friends.
 
Just make sure you have the car keys, so if it is awkward and uncomfortable, you can beat a hasty retreat. Oh, and if you have your own tent, no shouting during sex.
 
I can perfectly understand your bf's position and thoughts and from your writing, it appears that he's not going to introduce you as his lover. I truly don't think he's going to make an announcement; he is inviting you to spend time with his family doing something special, and I don't think you should be uncomfortable doing that. Just make it clear to him beforehand that you don't want him to make an announcement during that time, enjoy the camping experience and get to know the folks, and let them get to know you too. If you're serious about the relationship, something like this has to happen at some point.
 
Also, it's kinda interesting that your status shows "single". Perhaps you are not so serious about this relationship and you fear that this camping out is taking it to a new level?
 
In an ideal world, that's a fine way to come out. But in the reality of America in 2009, it's probably not a really great way to come out to family. (For acquaintances, it's fine.)

Family deserve a more direct statement, in my opinion. And doing it in a place where everyone is trapped together, probably isn't the right time or place to do it.

Is he scared or is he overconfident, do you think?
 
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