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Boyfriend will not bottom =(

Ehalahepl

Ehalahepl

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Hello,

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months now. We have small arguments like most people but get over things fast, emotionally things are very smooth right now, and we are both very much in love with eachother.

However, He will not bottom for me, and its really starting to make me upset. We have talked about this several times and he says he has only bottomed 2 times ever and that he needs a Dildo to practice with. This is understandable but it seems like there is no real interest but its treated like a chore.

I am NOT strictly a bottom and feel as if the satisfaction of topping is seriously starting to frustrate me sexually. I do not want it to interfere with my emotional relationship with him but it just bothers me so much that someone who LOVES me wont let me fuck them yet I could go down to a bar and find someone in under a minute, i find it insulting really.


Anyhow, im just looking for advice on how to help him bottom. Is there good toys or cremes/lubes that would help him? He says it hurts him greatly but i think its just a mental issue myself.

Also Im not the type to cum fast and I was wondering if those sensitivity increasing cremes work? Or any suggestion for that matter to increase sensitivity.

Anyhow this issue just bothers me emotionally and physically so im trying to get some advice on it. Any response is greatly appreciated.
 
Does he let you rim him? That is usually a good way to get someone relaxed in that area so that they can be fucked. Personally, I don't like dildos unless they are soft and small - anyway, if you went that route, you should keep it small to start. There are some you can get that are inflatable and have an air pump to increase their size once they are in. However, I think there is no good substitute for a penis. Once he allows you to fuck him, enter very, very slowly, allowing him to control the motion, and then relax once you are completely inside. Then when he is relaxed and comfortable enough, you can begin to pump, but start out slowly.

I think the best lube is KY, but I use a lube that I made from water and glycerin - just because it is cheaper.

You have to get him interested in being fucked - if he is resistant to the idea, it will not work. That's why I would recommend rimming first.
 
Man you seem to be thinking all about urself...."I'm not the typ to cum fast.." etc. You seem focused on all your pleasure asking about sensitivity creams which really are only for the "Tops" pleasure. Think of your bf and go at his pace. How about you having a little "sensitivity cream" yourself...:(
 
Some guys just don't like to bottom. Some can't relax, and they find it extremely painful.

You say that if he loved you, he'd let you fuck him, and you're insulted by this.

I say that if you loved him, you wouldn't pressure him into doing something he finds painful or unsettling, and he has just as much right to be insulted by this.

There are plenty of other ways you can get each other off without you fucking him. I'd say explore those venues. If you keep your sex life vibrant, he may start reconsidering.

Lex
 
Ok to clarify. Specifically for you scooter, because I can see how that was interpreted that way.

He fucks me on demand, and believe me I give him all he wants, he has told me this is the best sex he has had and I believe that.

I rimmed him two times before but I wasnt sure if he was enjoying it.'


I realize there is many activities you can do sexually for pleasure but if im constantly bottoming for him than there needs to be some reciprocation. This is what bothers me so much, is I feel unsatisfied with this and I dont want it to create relationship problems.

I would never cheat on him, I would be without him before I cheated on him actually, especially since we are both negative and have unprotected sex for the last couple months.
 
Then tell him. "Look, I let you fuck me. I think it's only fair that I get to fuck you, as well. If you'd rather not do that, perhaps we should try other things instead of fucking." Keep it light. Keep it friendly. I bet he'll start coming around to your way of thinking.

Lex
 
Scooter said:
Man you seem to be thinking all about urself...."I'm not the typ to cum fast.." etc. You seem focused on all your pleasure asking about sensitivity creams which really are only for the "Tops" pleasure. Think of your bf and go at his pace. How about you having a little "sensitivity cream" yourself...:(
Click to expand...

I don't think he was being selfish with that question. I believe he was asking b/c he takes a while to cum, and the sensitivity cream would bring him to a climax quicker, equalling less time bottoming for his BF.
 
Not everyman is versatile. You and your guy are going to have to work this one out
 
I understand where you are coming from. You seem to be saying even if he doesn't like being a bottom, he should do it occasionally to please you. Makes sense to me, but for some guys being a bottom is a major issue. It's almost like a phobia or something. You need to let him know that your sex life is not totally satisfying unless you get to be a top sometimes. Then have a in depth discussion on what his issue with being a bottom is. Don't pressure him to be a bottom, just tell him you want to understand why he has such an issue with it. In the end, if he doesn't want to bottom, you will need to decide if this is a deal breaker. From your post it sounds like it is and therefore you may be better off as friends.
 
Your relationship is already headed to the dumpster.

You're absolutely correct. It is about reciprocity and giving totally of yourself to the other.

Since this isn't going to have a happy ending, I'd suggest telling him that before the issue starts to be used in every area of your lives to frustrate and hurt one another, it would be better for each of you to move on and find someone else more sexually compatible. At least you might still be friends.
 
My BF. cannot top me, because of his size, it is just to small. I would love for him to be able to, and I do miss being fucked. But I am in no way going to let this affect my relationship with him. I love him to much to allow this to become a major issue. There are many many other ways to express love to and for each other.
 
My bf wants to fuck me but I always say no. I was a top when I was younger but to be honest anal sex turns me off a bit. I grew up where it was told if you fuck you die. He is 8 years younger than me so he doesn't remember how bad A.I.D.S was when it 1st came out. When I was his age people were dropping right and left around me and the only thing that saved me is I never ever fucked. I went 5 years with no ass play before I met him. People have different reasons for different things and you can't force him. My bf doesn't make a big deal out of it and because of that I will try to try more. But I still don't like it.
 
Did you know he wasn't a bottom when you got into this relationship? I would never get involved with a total Top or a total Bottom and expect them to change for me. This is who he is. Pressuring him into a type of sex he doesn't like only stresses and hurts his feelings. If he liked it, he would do it for you. Even if you get him to experiment, what if he still doesn't like it? Sex should just come naturally. Creams, and dildos, and "training" is such a turn off.

If you want to Top again, open the relationship or end this one. It's not a selfish need but you can't force it on someone who can't.
 
I've always despised this sort of rigid demarcation of sex roles, however, I would have thought the appropriate opener for The Talk would be 'If, when I bottom for you, it's the best sex you ever had, then why would you want to deny me the same pleasure?'

If you're experienced at receptive sex, how is it that you're needing to ask advice on how to introduce him to its pleasures?

Reading between the lines, what causes me most apprehension is that it sounds as if you're both acting on some external idea of how you think sex is supposed to be - that is, you have predetermined expectations - instead of exploring actually being with your partner and focussing on giving each other the maximum plasure possible. Do you keep your eyes open when making love?
 
Thanks spreadeagle for your response. I keep my eyes open, and he does too, I fantasize about him, if im masturbating its occassionally different, but mostly him too.

I am experienced at receptive sex, but I didnt feel it had a learning curve, i guess im just a natural bottom, I LOVE to be topped. But there is also times when i literally ACHE with the desire to top, and its unavailable.

It seems shallow to me to end a relationship solely on the fact that the sex isnt completely fullfilling but its begun to frustrate me to no end.

Im 22 for reference by the way, and I hate wasting time. I dont want to date 5000000 people before i find the right one, Im willing to work through a lot of things but this has seriously got me boggled. Can someone really expect me to stay with them unsatisified (he is satisified by the way , he has told me so)

Anyhow guys i really appreciate your input, it means a lot to me that a total stranger can give a genuine response, thank you .
 
Be nice when you break up with him.

Better luck next time around.
 
Well, there are ways to work it out. Discuss it. There's no way you're both going to have everything exactly as you want it. See if you can work something out.

I'd get non-Dildo anal toys first, if he's really willing to try to learn. There are some very slender probes that will let him feel the pleasure that prostate stimulation provides. The cost of anal is the initial pain; the payoff is the prostate pleasure, which in my opinion is the most intense physical pleasure the male body is capable of experiencing. Let him feel the payoff, and tell him it's even more intense with a Real Cock Say "I love you" repeatedly while working his ass with the probe.

But don't fuck him until he wants it. And if he never wants it, you'll need to break up. Don't consider it shallow; sexual fulfillment is an important part of a relationship.
 
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