boyfriend

[moonybig]

frist off this is not about me,,,,its about my friend


ok so my friend asked me what i would do,,, tom (not his real name) thinks his bf chris (not his real name) maybe seeing some one,well let me back up some tom and chris been together for 3 or 4 years and they would do the normal things, but the last few years chris seems to be goin out more on his own with a friends of his,yes his friend is gay to and is in a open relationship. so anyways what has been happing is that tom and chris been spending lose time together tom told me he cant even remember the last time they had sex, they talk now and then and see each other for a few mins aday someday they dont even see each other..

tom has told me that he would be talkin to chris on skype (they dont live together) and chris will say "oh i have to go help his friend sam (not his real name), and will be gone most of the day or will say hes goin out some place with him. this has been goin on for over a year and thats about when things between tom and chris had changed, tom dont know what he should do, i told him to talk to chris but tom dont like to talk about things like that,with out know if his feeling is true,..

i told tom he needs to talk to chris about it and every thing else and has changed with them....so im here to ask what you guys would do or have any help i can give to tom.

 

[jaysizzles]

I'd have given him the same advice that you did. Since he doesn't want to take it, I'd advise you to now stay out of it. Getting involved in other couples drama often times comes back to bite you in the ass. Now just be supportive of your friend when/if he needs you.

 

[KaraBulut]

The conversation is the beginning. But before he does that, he also needs to give some thought to whether he wants to try to fix the relationship (or whether this is even a relationship anymore).

 

[moonybig]

oh i know i told him i wasnt goin to get into but that id be there for him

 

[moonybig]

yea karabulut yea i think thats what hes having a hard time doin he told me that he dont feel theres any relationship any more

 

[eastofeden]

Just from what you said.....it seems to me that Chris may have already left the relationship on one or more levels.....

....and it seems Tom knows that on one or more levels.....

So..he has to decide how he wants to proceed and as someone said above...try to bow out now and let him figure it out... and offer him support when he needs it. Resist any urge you might have to criticize Chris or add to Tom's suspicions. I think maybe helping him re-focus on what HE wants might be a good plan in general....

 

[moonybig]

thx eastofeden, well i know i have that feeling and i think chris dose to, i think its hard for him seeing as its frist real relationship,

 

[Seasoned]

Do you see how this is so much more than the problem of potential cheating? Let's say he's not cheating. How does that make the alienation better. Your friend seems desperate to be in a relationship and that will continue to bring him grief. There's a huge difference between wanting a relationship and needing a relationship. Anytime we "need" one, we'll make all sorts of unhealthy compromises. I don't think he'll get out until he's sick and tired of being sick and tired.