break up advice? please!

[wellhellothere]

i recently broke up with my boyfriend of two years. we both knew the end was near so when we finally broke up, i wasn't terribly shocked because i'd already kind of rationalized things in my head. now two months have passed since we broke up. he's talking about how he wants to date other people, but as time goes on this whole situation is getting more and more difficult for me! i've talked to a couple guys, been on a couple dates, but i'm just not ready to get over him!

can someone give me some advice? what should i do?

 

[Yorkeys Knob]

mate, time heels all wounds, it'll take time, you'll have your high and low points over the coming weeks, but these will, become less and less. Keep your head high, and when that new person comes along you'll know it, because your number 1.

 

[NickCole]

Each of us moves forward at our own pace.

Getting over a relationship that ended is a really individual process and the most important thing is that you finish it for yourself your own way that makes it a comfortable part of your history rather than a badly healed wound that comes back to haunt you.

Some people get over an ended friendship or lover in a couple of months, some take as long as a couple of years. It's not useful to dwell and sulk over something we can't change, but at the same time it's important we let ourselves grieve and let go according to our own clock, not anybody else's. As long as you're moving forward --even if it's three steps forward and two steps back-- you're headed in the right direction.

In my experience it's better, when we break up with someone, to avoid all contact with him. Seeing and hearing them talk about their life as it moves forward without us is just more information to feed into our sense of loss. You need to concentrate on your life and where you're headed, not his and where he's going.

 

[hothead]

I'm going through the same thing right now and it's difficult. I thank writerken and Danno for their words to you, as I needed to hear them, too. I wish you well, man. Keep your chin up, man, we'll both get through this rough time.

 

[G-Lexington]

There's no off-switch for these feelings, and there's no timetable for getting over them. That's what makes relationships so special when they work, and so heart-wrenching when they don't. If it was a "clap on, clap off" sort of thing, what'd be the big deal?

The key thing seems to be "keep busy". Sitting at home stewing doesn't appear to be a good thing. You don't necessarily have to go on dates, but do keep busy. Go out with friends. Try new things - new hobbies, new restaurants, now activities. Don't spend this part of your life waiting for your life to kick back in. Kick it back in yourself. It'll happen.

Lex

 

[backpacker]

Time will help. For now it may be better to keep yourself involved in other activities so you can't focus on the loss. Pretty soon you will be over him and ready to date again.

Remember, everyone moves on at a different pace, but it isn't an indication of how much you loved the other person. Don't worry that your ex seems ready to move on and you aren't. Things will change before you know it.

 

[rareboy]

The first thing is to let your ex go completely. Wish him well, be friends forever and get on with focussing on your own re-socialization as a newly minted single. Enjoy every date you have and don not keep comparing them to the time with your bf.

Love will fall out of the sky and just whump you one day. Believe me. But you might have to have a lot of casual fun while waiting for it to hit you...

Be open.

 

[spreadeagle]

It takes at least three months for the individual energies to unmesh. If you're still in regular contact with him, and I get the impression that you are, then you'll prolong this process.

 

[wellhellothere]

you know guys, i already knew all of this stuff, and it's what i've been trying to do. but hearing it from other people made me feel a lot better, so thanks.