Breakup

[simple-kinda-guy3040]

This is kind of long - sorry... Just using JUB this morning for some Thanksgiving Therapy.....

Last night, I ended an 11 month long-distance relationship with someone. We'd see each other once or twice a month and talk on the phone constantly. However there were some deep-rooted differences in what we wanted out of life - he wanted to be married and have kids and that's just not for me.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind the idea of two people coming together and living together and committing to each other - I was in a five year relationship like this once - but marriage and kids - that's all a bit much for me. Perhaps I am selfish but that's just me and how I feel.

So last night after he brought up the issue again, I just told him that we wanted different things in life. It was not fair of me to deprive him of something he really wants out of life and at the same time it was not fair of him to try to force me into ideas of marriage and children which just aren't for me.

He has been bringing up the issue of marriage and kids since we met and I have always let it be known how I felt - I think he thought he would change my mind at some point. Last night, however, I believe he realized that I would not change my mind. I also faced the fact that he really wants this and it would really be unfair of me to deprive him of marriage and kids - things that are life goals for him - things that he believes will bring him the ultimate happiness he is looking for in life.

I feel badly that I hurt him (and in all likelihood quite immensely) by ending things - I hate bringing pain to others - especially people I care for. Nevertheless, I think it is better that I did this now rather than waiting further down the line where the hurt could have been potentially more severe.

So here I am alone on thanksgiving (I was supposed to travel to him this afternoon and spend the next few days with him). But I have been alone before and I guess I am at the point in life where I am OK with that. I am just so concerned that he is really hurting. The one good thing is that he has a lot of genuine friends - a really strong support system - so hopefully they will help him through this.

Alright - that's it for me - therapy session over.... It's good to get this all off my chest.... It does help a little....

To everyone that is celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday - have a most safe and enjoyable one!!

 

[simple-kinda-guy3040]

You're a brave, selfless, honest man and full of integrity if that post is anything to go by.

That is all (from me).

Thanks noelie - I really appreciate that...

I think he would say I'm selfish for not loving him enough to compromise for him but I just can't put myself in a situation that won't work for me and I really can't ask that of him either...

Nevertheless thanks again for the kind words.... You have certainly contributed in a positive way towards my Thanksgiving Therapy session this morning....

 

[alley]

You are not alone being alone. I am for the first time ever in my life alone on Thanksgiving.

You made the right decision, for the both of you. Trying to force yourself to conform to another's expectations is a sure way to kill your self esteem and cause you both unhappiness.

 

[simple-kinda-guy3040]

You are not alone being alone. I am for the first time ever in my life alone on Thanksgiving.

You made the right decision, for the both of you. Trying to force yourself to conform to another's expectations is a sure way to kill your self esteem and cause you both unhappiness.

Thanks alley... I appreciate your comments and thoughts on this.....

I'm really sorry to hear that you are alone on Thanksgiving like me... But at least we have JUB so we won't be completely on our own...

 

[backpacker]

You just went through the toughest type of break up. It's very difficult, but it's for the best. With both of you having such fundamental differences, it's best that you both devote your energies to finding the right partner. Hopefully the two of you can remain friends.

 

[Eagle653]

I really admire your integrity and, especially, your maturity. You knew what he wanted, knew what you wanted, and sized the situation up well. You weren't willing to deny him his dreams; nor were you going to compromise your dreams just so you wouldn't be alone. It took much character for you to do what you did.

It's too bad more people aren't like you. The world would a lot less messed up.

May this be your last Thanksgiving alone. All the best.

 

[simple-kinda-guy3040]

backpacker, 1big14me, and averageguy thank you also for taking the time out to respond to my post. I want you guys to know that your kind words are helping me get through this especially rough holiday.

I spoke to I guess my ex - that's what he is now - this morning and he is pretty upset - says he is devastated and will never speak to me again. Upon further discussion this morning, he says he is willing to forego the marriage and possibly the kids for me (he says he was unsure about the kids). However I could not accept that, since these things are things he has made reference to quite frequently ever since we started dating. Clearly those things are what he wants out of life and he was making this concession in an effort to hold on.

The bottom line is that I feel so horrible for hurting a good man that loved me. I am gonna miss him so much but I am more torn up about the fact that I brought him pain. He is young and gorgeous - let's just hope he gets over this as quickly as is possible with time and eventually finds a good man that will treat him right and who will be able to offer him the things he wants out of life.

What's done is done. The next step is for me to just move on from this. No more bitching and moaning. That's hopefully gonna be the last complaining you hear out of me on this topic. I am just so happy that JUB exists so that I had an opportunity to vent somewhere.

Guys - again thanks for taking time out to share your opinions on this with me.