Breeders: Straight Up Stupid

[benlemieux2003]

RANT:

I'm a gay guy, always been one of the boys. Of my 7 closest friends, only one is gay, the other are all straight.

Starting my professional life and being in a relationship meant some friendships just shed off naturally - basically, people take different paths, move to other places and you lose touch, or you only speak once in a while.

My three closest friends are straight. They're awesome, open-minded guys who are not afraid to discuss gay sex, and cuddle with me. I love them. They're just brilliant. There's nothing sexual between us, just genuine affection.

Now that many of us are in the part of our lives where we begin to settle down, of course my straight pals are thinking of kids.

I mean that's what most people do - even gay people these days. My boyfriend and I decided not to however. But my straight pals want to, and I mean, it's normal right?

I had a thorough talk with them - out of sociological curiosity - and I'm supportive of their decision for one reason only: it is a conscious choice and it's something they want.

I'm saying this because one guy whose friendship shed off used to be my best friend and my first crush. Ever since he got married and moved away, neither me of my pals hear from him . Doesn't call, doesn't e-mail, doesn't do anything on Facebook.

He's practically vanished. It's him and his girlfriend (who's the one who wears the pants) only and she's was like, I want kids within two years and his sole answer was "ok".

It just pisses me off so much that he's surrendered to the "breeder" lifestyle without even putting up a fight.

But what can you do that's what most people in this world do. Sigh.

END RANT.

 

[star-warrior]

How far has he moved away? I guess distance would once have been a problem, but not in today's social networking and mobile phone age.

Being mates is great, get to do what you wanna do have a good laugh, and have few responsibilities. When girlfriends become involved, attention strays as the girl will expect to be the center of his attention, and so his mates will loose out, unfortunately.

Women are biological clocks, those that want children have the best chance of being able when they're younger. If her partner is commited too to the idea of having children, then he's made an enormous sacrifice, not only to procreate and have children, but all the things that are encumbent on him and her during and after its birth. You should respect that he's giving rise to the next generation.

Sometimes, growing up and moving on means to let things go a little. No one can truly be tied down to the past, however great it was between you. If you have him on Facebook, the best thing you can do is to say hi and ask how he's doing. If he sees it, at least he still knows someone hasn't forgotten him. As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink it.

 

[idanceinthedark]

It's sad you feel that way but honestly, you can't know what they want out of life. How do you know he didn't want kids as much as she did? You said you fell out of contact with him?

 

[crzyrazn]

"Breeders"? What is that suppose to mean exactly? Very disparaging against people who decide to have children. But that's just an excuse. It seems to me you are bitter because you feel you missed out on your friend because he decided to start a family instead of sticking around your little group of straight cuddlers. What do you mean, "pisses me off...that he surrendered to the "breeder" lifestyle without even putting up a fight"? Ugh...why should he, if that what he wants and he's in a period in his life to make that decision? And I doubt she whipped him into agreeing with her to have children unless he's an absolute pansy. You even ask us to affirm that having these desires are "normal right?" Ugh...yeah. I can't help but to think you seem resentful because they made a choice you didn't to have something more than a cuddly friend. It's called growing up. Get over it.

 

[Willie Boy]

"Breeders"? What is that suppose to mean exactly? Very disparaging against people who decide to have children. But that's just an excuse. It seems to me you are bitter because you feel you missed out on your friend because he decided to start a family instead of sticking around your little group of straight cuddlers. What do you mean, "pisses me off...that he surrendered to the "breeder" lifestyle without even putting up a fight"? Ugh...why should he, if that what he wants and he's in a period in his life to make that decision? And I doubt she whipped him into agreeing with her to have children unless he's an absolute pansy. You even ask us to affirm that having these desires are "normal right?" Ugh...yeah. I can't help but to think you seem resentful because they made a choice you didn't to have something more than a cuddly friend. It's called growing up. Get over it.

That about says it all, other than that you are behaving like a child. He's grown up and wants a family..... A true friend would not be jealous.

 

[whydatkine]

It bothers you, why? Life is not all about rainbows and unicorns. If he didn't want that lifestyle so bad, he'd fight for it. If he loves her, there's nothing you can do. People eventually change.

 

[demedja]

Putting up a fight? For what? People change as they mature, and some prefer the familiarity and security of conventionality. Others prefer to let the past go and move on. Seems you're thinking that your buddy is 'whipped'. But thats not necessarily the case. Maybe he really loves this girl and enjoys being in a relationship with her. Maybe he wants kids as much as she does. I think you're angry because he dissed the friendship and moved on. If the two of you were very close thats understandable, but the nature of most friendships change as kids become adults. And many of the friendships that continue on aren't as close as they once were. Its just the way life is, and we have to get on with it.

 

[Krakenbwool]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmfKX1ql3h0[/ame]

 

[blackbeltninja]

I have a friend who recently married a woman like the OP's mate's gf. Seriously, she's 26 and has been "planning their wedding since she was 5" and now "wants a baby before the end of 2011" and as his friend I should "make him hurry up about deciding to do it because I really, really want one."

Added pressure is that 2 couples in our group of friends will have had a baby each in 2010, and she is worried that she'll lose out, or something.

Path. O. Logical.

-d-

 

[shainski]

As we mature in our lives, we go through all kinds of changes. School, jobs, relationships, marriage, kids.

Many times are old friendships are put on hold for a while. If they are strong, they may come back when time permits.

I was the single guy who did keep in contact with a lot of friends while they went different directions and raised their families all around the country. Now, i am the one with young children. The demands of everyday life don't leave a lot left over for small talk with anyone. Someday, my kids will be gone, and i will attempt to reconnect with those friends.

Don't be so quick to dump the friendship. It may have nothing to do with straight/gay.

 

[MindBlast]

I agree with Star-Warrior. To put it blunty, women expire...well, at least their ability to make children does. Women who really want children can get quite desperate around 30.

 

[rysmiley88]

they cuddle with you????....my gay friends don't even do that with me.....

Sorry to hear that. I have a couple of STR8 Mates that love to cuddle., as long as the "line" isn't crossed. I have posted a few msgs, in a few threads, about this subject. As long as there's a strong comfort level between the men in question, intamacy between 2 men isn't always "gay"..Perhaps there is a curiosity on the other end, but it's best not to push it..Good luck mate!

 

[rysmiley88]

RANtT

I'm a gay guy, always been one of the boys. Of my 7 closest friends, only one is gay, the other are all straight.

Starting my professional life and being in a relationship meant some friendships just shed off naturally - basically, people take different paths, move to other places and you lose touch, or you only speak once in a while.

My three closest friends are straight. They're awesome, open-minded guys who are not afraid to discuss gay sex, and cuddle with me. I love them. They're just brilliant. There's nothing sexual between us, just genuine affection.

Now that many of us are in the part of our lives where we begin to settle down, of course my straight pals are thinking of kids.

I mean that's what most people do - even gay people these days. My boyfriend and I decided not to however. But my straight pals want to, and I mean, it's normal right?

I had a thorough talk with them - out of sociological curiosity - and I'm supportive of their decision for one reason only: it is a conscious choice and it's something they want.

I'm saying this because one guy whose friendship shed off used to be my best friend and my first crush. Ever since he got married and moved away, neither me of my pals hear from him . Doesn't call, doesn't e-mail, doesn't do anything on Facebook.

He's practically vanished. It's him and his girlfriend (who's the one who wears the pants) only and she's was like, I want kids within two years and his sole answer was "ok".

It just pisses me off so much that he's surrendered to the "breeder" lifestyle without even putting up a fight.

But what can you do that's what most people in this world do. Sigh.

END RANT.

Thank God for my "Breeders"! If not for them, I wouldn't have my beautiful Niece, who makes me swell with joy, every time she says or does something adorable! (and she does constantly) And my nephew, who is 2, who's smile and innocent laughter has me beaming from ear to ear! I couldn't imagine my life without them!