Budding Bromance

[Tomruyssss]

So I got this buddy I've known since I was 18, I'm 22 now. I used to hangout with him a bit when I was 18 but after that I moved away, then moved back, and working a full time job and college, we grew apart. Anyways this past month him and his girlfriend had a baby so he found me on facebook and told me about it and wanted me to meet his baby. I went when I had some freetime and caught up a little. This week I went back to hangout with him and I had him laughing so hard, and we had a few beers got tipsy, I could really tell he misses having another guy to be around besides his girl. His tone of voice changes when he talks to me, almost kind of submissive and light, it kinda set off my gaydar cuz he never did like that before esp when he talks to his girlfriend his voice is a little deeper/normal.

Hes really a sweet guy, almost a little too much but not anything to scare me off. Like he commented on how I shaved my mustache and not my whole beard and he said he liked my mustache. I told him I hated my mustache but I dont mind having a little stubble, and he said if I wanted to I could go use his razor and stuff, which I turned down obviously. He introduced me to his GF's family as his best friend, when we were alone in his room when his girl left we started play fighting and I grabbed his nipple and it kinda shocked/excited him.

I've always thought he was a cute dude, but I always respected him and never made a serious pass at him, besides joking around like that. Anyways I'm starting to really like this dude and wanna have a little bromance with him cuz he really seems to be a sweet guy but his girlfriend is crazy. Me and him are in his room playing some PS3 and his girl comes outta no where screaming at him, and hes sitting there calm, im sitting there like 0_o wtf is going on , and she's losing it, she took off her engagement ring, threw it at him, and then 5 mins later when he said he was gonna leave her, she was begging him to stay. He told me she does that to him all the time. I grew up in a home with a lot of fighting so I really hate being around couples who fight like that. I came there in a really good mood, and I left feeling 1.bad for him and 2.pissed off from being disrespected as a guest

So when I got home he asked me if I was mad at him, and I told him i wasnt mad at him, but mad at his girl for acting so crazy when really he didnt even do anything and all the yelling and stuff made me feel really uncomfortable. So I said I dont wanna go to their house anymore if according to him, this is a common thing. She even sent me a message and apologized to me but I told her I'm not coming around either because I already know where things are gonna end up. I could just tell she was pretty immature for a 24 year old, talking about partying, and smoking weed, when she just had a baby yet me and my buddy were talking bout our dreams of owning a house and finding better jobs.

Now I'm only 22 but I've been around long enough females like her usually like to start rumors and I'm just waiting for her to say me and him got something gay going on, and have it turn into some huge thing even though we don't. I just have that premonition that shes gonna have another temper tantrum and try to wedge us apart because of some other things she said she has deep issues with him talking to anyone besides her.

I love my bud for multiple reasons, I really do have a deep connection with him, not necessarily sexual, but a pretty deep friendship for him already.

but was I wrong for saying I dont wanna come around my bud cuz of her? I feel bad cuz I feel like I hurt him, cuz I know hes not leaving her anytime soon cuz of the baby, and he wont even come to my house on his own without his girl because he wants to always be there for his baby. I just feel I'm in an awkward position because he has a family and he wants me to be part of it as much as I want to be, I just don't know how to exactly fit in with this dynamic?

 

[62624rd]

This is tricky. I would say still be friends but hang out some where else. Like your place

 

[palbert]

You won't go to his house. He won't come to your house without the wife. Find a place to meet or face the fact that her drama and his attachment to her and the baby will lead to the gradual breakdown of your relationship with him.

 

[Ganoderma]

I was wondering if your buddy is aware that you are a gay guy.

 

[Tomruyssss]

I was wondering if your buddy is aware that you are a gay guy.

Yeah my buddy knows, hes cool with it we even make gay jokes to eachother. thats not an issue with him, his girl idk because I just met her recently but I have a feeling it might be an issue

 

[KaraBulut]

There's a couple of things going on here.

It's not unusual for straight guys to realize that wives/girlfriends can't substitute for friendships with guys. Nor should they. So, it makes sense that he would want his own friends and some time away from a girlfriend who exhibits this kind of behavior.

However, underlying some of what you have said is a "me or her" kind of feeling... the references to him being cute... the comments about the moustache, etc... It all seems like your feelings go beyond just the feelings of a buddy or best friend.

I just feel I'm in an awkward position because he has a family and he wants me to be part of it as much as I want to be, I just don't know how to exactly fit in with this dynamic?

This guy is in a volatile relationship and he's a new dad. He's under a lot of stress and he has some very difficult decisions to make about whether there enough good in this relationship to make it worth putting up with all the bad. He could use a friend- someone to listen and not judge, someone to just be there to take his mind off the situation that he's gotten himself into.

But that commitment to being a friend means not looking at the situation as a choice between the girlfriend or you. It means getting real about your feelings for him- i.e. can you settle for just being the best friend? And being his friend means being clear that you're in the situation to be a friend to him but while you like the girlfriend, you don't like her behavior- whether it's the behavior toward him or the behavior toward you.

 

[bruce379]

Yup tricky bitch lol.

I feel sorry for the guy actually. Deep inside, he wants the family to work just because of the baby. But I have a feeling that somewhere in the future his relationship with his wife is doomed for one reason or another, with or without you in the equation. I have a feeling he'll snap a few years from now. I had a friend who was in the same situation. Married to an immature girl of 24. The guy is mellow and chill and the girl would just snap at him from out of the blue, in the middle of the street, for some trivial perceived slight. They divorced after two years.

If you're going to socialize with him, and his wife is going to tag along, go to a public place. Is there a guarantee that the girl wouldn't make drama? No.

He craves for companionship for sure. And if your description of events are accurate, there's a fighting chance he's not exactly on the straight and narrow. He's open to other stuff that may occur, it may not necessarily even be with you but I wouldn't be surprised if he eventually likes to get blow jobs in public bathrooms - seen this pattern before. The question is, are you going to be the one to cause the relationship to break? Or just wait for somebody else to do the bitch work for you then just pick up the pieces and put your guy together again.

Like what others said, tricky. The guy wants to escape but circumstances don't allow him. There is a good chance his relationship will break, but he's pussy whipped into submission by the wife. If he finally decides to dump her, then that's another story. But hey, I'm not Nostradamus.

 

[TX-Beau]

There's a lot of judgement going on about the girl. So new mother, with a guy who wants to hang out and play video games. Maybe she's a little insecure about his maturity level.

OP, you sound like you want him for yourself, and have reduced her to a caricature bitch who just wants to stop his fun. That's always suspicious in the way that cheating men always have bitches for wives.

He has a fiancee and a kid, you are second priority no matter what her personality is like. If he decides to leave his family his kid is still first priority, you will never be a priority over the kid. Get used to it. It's how gay men usually lose straight friends to the 'burbs.

YOU will be the bitch if you insert yourself into their relationship and become another source of stress.

Back off. Let them get used to being a unit and parents.

 

[123kid]

The only advice I would really give you is, don't spend your time bad mouthing her. It will just end up causing problems in your friendship.

 

[Seasoned]

Make sure you have an active social life without all of your romantic focus going towards this guy. He's a big boy who can take care of himself. People in relationships can smell competition

 

[Rolyo85]

I'd recommend less judgment for the girlfriend and more honesty with yourself...

 

[checkinthingsout]

There's a lot of judgement going on about the girl. So new mother, with a guy who wants to hang out and play video games. Maybe she's a little insecure about his maturity level.

OP, you sound like you want him for yourself, and have reduced her to a caricature bitch who just wants to stop his fun. That's always suspicious in the way that cheating men always have bitches for wives.

He has a fiancee and a kid, you are second priority no matter what her personality is like. If he decides to leave his family his kid is still first priority, you will never be a priority over the kid. Get used to it. It's how gay men usually lose straight friends to the 'burbs.

YOU will be the bitch if you insert yourself into their relationship and become another source of stress.

Back off. Let them get used to being a unit and parents.

^This exactly. He asked her to marry him, so she is not going anywhere anytime soon unless he or she rescinds that offer.

Maybe if you offered to babysit while they went out on a date or something, there wouldn't be so much tension. Olive branch?

 

[Tomruyssss]

Yeah I'm done with this whole situation so someone can delete this thread if they want. thanks for the advice