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"Buddy" vibe vs. gay vibe?

pablopablo

pablopablo

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Hi, guys--
First time poster here, been lurking for a while.

Am frustrated tonight because I just found out that a guy I thought was really interested in me is totally straight and likes me as a buddy. And this isn't the first time, seems like the story of my life lately. I'm wondering if I'm giving off some kind of "buddy" vibe? Is that a dumb question? And why am I so horrible at reading these situations? I feel like every new introduction now needs to start with "gay or straight?"

Don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for here, maybe just some thoughts.

Thanks!
 
Well, that's kind of what happens when you hang out with straight guys... Look, there are a lot of cool straight people out there, but sometimes you need to go be with other gay men in a setting where you don't have to guess who is and who isn't gay.
 
First of all welcome to JUB.


I guess it depends on how you present yourself. Some gay guys are just totally toned down or don't fit the "stereotypes" that it's hard to tell if they're gay or not.
 
Thanks--and thanks for the welcome. I'm totally feeling the need to be part of a gay community tonight.
 
pablopablo said:
Hi, guys--
First time poster here, been lurking for a while.

Am frustrated tonight because I just found out that a guy I thought was really interested in me is totally straight and likes me as a buddy. And this isn't the first time, seems like the story of my life lately. I'm wondering if I'm giving off some kind of "buddy" vibe? Is that a dumb question? And why am I so horrible at reading these situations? I feel like every new introduction now needs to start with "gay or straight?"

Don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for here, maybe just some thoughts.

Thanks!
Click to expand...

This happens whether the guys are gay or straight. Not all gay guys are going to like you that way. And far fewer straight guys are going to like you that way.

There's worst things than having people want to be your friend.

Boyfriends come and go. Friends last a lot longer.
 
bokan800 said:
First of all welcome to JUB.


I guess it depends on how you present yourself. Some gay guys are just totally toned down or don't fit the "stereotypes" that it's hard to tell if they're gay or not.
Click to expand...

I also welcome you to JUB! :)

As bokan800 states about gay guys being toned down or not fitting the stereotypes that you see on TV. He's totally telling the truth. If you seen me with my straight friends, you'd think I was straight too. I don't have any fashion sense. I like getting dirty. I watch sports (sometimes). In fact the only thing that gives me away that my friends notice is that I don't talk about girls. You know when your surrounded by a bunch of gay guys and a "hot" girl comes on tv or walks by on the street....they do there thing. You know, "I'd fuck her", "look at her tits" etc. I don't talk about guys that walk by because then all I would hear from my friends is "Oh man...we so did not need to hear that!" LOL (though I will do it sometimes if they crossed a line with a certain girl)

Anyways now to your problem....

It's easy, yet not so easy to solve. Straight guys, I mean straight guys that are 100% totally comfortable with there sexuality are going to be a bitch to figure out. They will flirt with you, joke with you etc. BUT the one thing that straight friends will not do is touch you in certain places. If they hug you or pat you on the back or bump into your shoulder, put a hand on your shoulder etc. There just being friendly. A gay guy that likes you well, he try something different. Look at how straight guys hit on girls for example. We do it the same way.

1. They will isolate there target from the others (ie you.) so that they can talk to you one on one without other people taking away your attention.

2. They will get friendly....way more friendly then normal straight guys. Their is boundaries. If a person that likes you alot....they start touching you alot. They make eye contact. They will go out of there way to keep your attention at all times.

3. They invite you out to do things with others at first and then slowly start to exclude them for private time with you.

There are more signs but I can't think of them right now.

Now if your dealing with a gay guy that likes you but he's really shy or afraid that you won't like him or he doesn't know that your gay (I don't know how you present yourself in public) then you could always (after getting to know the guy) ask about girlfriends or something that might tip you. Now then if he lies to you then your screwed. But then again, you don't want to date a gay guy that lies to you now do you? (he might be lying because he's still in the closet...but nothing is going to happen until he is ready so why waste your time. Unless he says he wants to date you but he doesn't want people to know that he is gay. Then you have to figure that one out on your own....using your own morals)


I hope this helps somewhat and good luck!


I agree with Lex. You can never have to many friends!!
 
Thanks again, guys. You're right on, I think.

So, my "friend" and I have exchanged a couple emails, and we are most definitely friends, happy to say. I can live with that. He's been very cool with everything, completely validates my feelings for him in the first place.

It's been so long since I've thought of myself as available, I feel like I have no idea how to do this anymore. When I was younger, I thought much less about stuff--and had much more fun. Then again, I wasn't really that interested in anything serious. Times sure change.

Thanks again. Glad to be here. :)
 
pablopablo said:
When I was younger, I thought much less about stuff--and had much more fun. Then again, I wasn't really that interested in anything serious. Times sure change.

Thanks again. Glad to be here. :)
Click to expand...

That's because when were young we have all the time in the world to act foolish. We don't have to worry about this or that cause their will always be more for the taking the next day.

But as we get older....I guess we learn from our experiences in life and we cherish things more importantly then when we were young.

Somebody once said that "life truly doesn't begin until you've hit 40 years old." I hope there's some true in that because so far being 32 years old sucks!! :D LOL

I love to be young again but only if I could keep my experiences I learned! :)
 
screwnutty said:
Somebody once said that "life truly doesn't begin until you've hit 40 years old." I hope there's some true in that because so far being 32 years old sucks!! :D LOL
Click to expand...

Can't say that I remember 32 that well, but having turned the corner at 40, I can tell you that it's pretty good. It's great to still have questions, but also to feel equipped to go after them. I like feeling that I *want* a partner rather than I *need* a partner. Plus, I don't feel old at all--I'm in the best shape of my life! Just need someone to show it off to. :D

That said, I wouldn't mind having some better intuition about things.;)
 
Ask him if he has any hot gay friends he can introduce you to.
 
Are you out? Things are a lot easier if you're out.

If you're not out, it's the Chicken-and-Egg game: A guy posting on here waiting for the other guy to profess his gayness, all the while the guy posting refuses to profess his own gayness. *sigh*

He might be gay or bi--but do you have the time & energy to tease that out of him? It might take months or a year.

Aren't there easier targets?
 
Yes, I've been feeling very much this way. I've been bitching a lot lately about being sick of the "straight world." I am out to family and friends, but I have very few gay friends--I need to do something about that. I'm really sick of the bullshit, just want to be with people like me. Though I sure do like this "friend" of mine. Kidding (kind of)--I know it's not going to go anywhere, but as was mentioned before, it's always good to have a good friend. Maybe I'll follow rareboy's suggestion and ask him if he has a hot friend for me. :)
 
I hear you Pablopablo!! I'd kill right now for a real life gay friend. I'm getting sick of hanging out with a majority of my straight male friends. All they talk about is the next big fuck or what new move they tried on there girlfriend. From my straight friends that are girls....they complain about there boyfriends or husbands.

*sigh* Just a lonely country boy with nothing to do! :(
 
Hey, guys, sorry to revive this thread--and add to the glut of "my straight friend..." threads--but I just need to vent. I've really been trying to be just friends with this guy, but sometimes it's just so hard (literally even! :) ). He's so great, and I'm super attracted to him.

I know I'm being irrational, but I'm always waiting for him to call or email--am disappointed when he doesn't, excited when he does--and I get jealous when he spends time with our other friends and not me. Not feelings one has when "just friends." Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't just be easier on me not to be friends at all. But it seems like a stupid non-solution toward managing my own emotions. But at times I feel like I'm going to explode with everything going on inside.

BTW, I have made efforts to get out and hang out with more gay guys. Nothing's panned out yet, but stuff is in the works. Sometimes I think "if I could just meet somebody..." but then I start to feeling desperate. Ironically, I kinda feel like I'm on the rebound.

Thanks for letting me vent.

PS
Screwnutty, hope you're having better luck than I am!
 
finbar said:
Don't worry ... pablopablo ... there are plenty of us who feel or have felt what you're feeling ... just give it time
Click to expand...

Thanks, finbar. How come the rest of the body can't just follow the (reasoning) head?! ;)
 
pablopablo said:
PS
Screwnutty, hope you're having better luck than I am!
Click to expand...


Trust me....I've seen my share of dark days. In fact I'm currently crushing on yet another straight guy. I'm just riding it out cause it will fade eventually.

I think I have a theory why I always fall for straight guys....I may share it with you all someday.
 
ancient1 said:
It's been a month, if he was interested, even secretly, you'd know. Consider NOT hanging with him (at least exclusively) until you see him as just another guy.
Click to expand...

You are a wise man, ancient1--just the wake up call I needed. Lots of stuff going on in my head. Hung out with my friend this afternoon to watch the Celtics-Cavs game, and I knew that's just how it's going to be. I'm sad, but better to face reality than torture myself with delusions. Maybe we can just move on from here. Besides, I'm going away for a month, and when I get back, he moves to SF. I hope we'll keep in touch and stay friends.

In the meantime, good luck to all of us! ;) Thanks for all the advice and support, you guys!
 
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