...but it DOESN'T always "Get Better"

[Telstra]

the It gets better message is for the young, not for you.
You need something else.

 

[Kulindahr]

I'm going to tackle the "they don't want an older guy tagging along" thing first.

I went camping out in the sticks at the end of summer. While there I ran into a batch of high school guys who liked the spot I had, so I shared it. We spent a lot of time together, and half the time it was them trying to keep up with me, not the other way around -- and in my opinion, I'm in sloppy shape.

There are two pieces of wisdom there: unless you have something in common with them already, no, they aren't going to want you around, and unless you actually can keep up with them.

And BTW, I'm older than you are -- and I beat them at beer pong, and diving, both of which astonished them.

Key to this bit of success: not being afraid of looking like an idiot.


But that's where you're going to blow it. In order to go with the flow and laugh at yourself if you end up looking like an idiot, you have to not take yourself seriously. My read here is that you take yourself far too seriously.


Another item: I can relate to being in a place with no clubs, etc. But there's something important to remember in both our cases: we chose to be where we are. My choice is to be here to help out my elderly mom until the economy improves enough that she can change her situation. Often the scene sucks, but I know if I took off and left her I'd never respect myself again. Why you're where you are, I don't know, but I do know that unless it's a major personal commitment or a matter of survival, the choice of being somewhere better is yours.

And that brings me to one of my complaints about the "It Gets Better" campaign: you can't sit on your ass and wait for it to get better, you have to make it better in whatever ways you can. Kids in middle school and high school don't have much control over whether it gets better, but they can still work on themselves so that when conditions change they're ready to make things better.
You have a lot more control, so a lot more of the pressure is on you. At the same time, you have to do what those kids have to: make yourself better, so when reality changes, you rise.

 

[menRsexii]

No one is guaranteed a bed of roses.

You are in charge of your life. If you don't like it, make a plan and do something about it.

No one can help you but you.

If you want something different, then change.

Though that may be hard to hear, I very much agree with this statement.

 

[wikke1]

This thread is a very very interesting read.
Thanks to each and every poster who contributed.
Please continue.
I just felt like I had to say this.
I'm sure many people read, but don't always comment.
The advise of experienced, grounded and intelligent other JUB's is very much appreciated.

 

[Kulindahr]

Though that may be hard to hear, I very much agree with this statement.

A psychologist/psychiatrist (I once asked him if he was a masochist, for putting himself through acquiring both those) I knew during college once said that both these are true:

No one can change you but you.

You can't change alone.



Very wise.

 

[Cocodeville]

You should move. Can you move?