came out as bisexual to parents, what now?

[metronome]

I came out to my parents today (kind of impromptu), and it went decently at best. My dad was really disappointed, told me he thought it was horrible, but that he would love me unconditionally. He left for a while to process it or whatever, and came back. I talked more to my mom about it, and tried to smooth things out a bit. I told my dad that we should talk again tomorrow, but I'm not really sure how to make him feel any better at this point.


It's only been a few hours, so I understand that they're still recovering from the shock. I'm not sure how I should deal with them tomorrow. They feel like they "lost" their son, and their future, and reassuring them that I still eventually want kids and stuff doesn't seem to help in the least.


I honestly wasn't really preparing to tell them for a while, an opportunity presented itself, and I decided to go with it. I'm basically a virgin, which only makes everything more ironic and confusing. Any advice is appreciated


thanks

 

[Eagle653]

First, congratulations on taking a bold step when the chance arose. Good for you!

Second, you're right--give them time. They've only had a day to process something you've thought about for years. A multitude of things are going on their minds right now, but let them process it. Know, though, that it's not your responsibility to make your father feel better at this point. Only he can do that, and I'm sure he will. He made a good beginning by specifically expressing his continuing unconditional love for you.

Third, when a son comes out as bisexual, what parents really hear is "I'm gay and I like guys." They really aren't processing that you like girls too. Only you know your true attractions to females versus males. Maybe one attraction is stronger right now, or maybe they're equal. At some point, I would bet they're going to want to explore that with you. I can also tell (forewarn?) you that if you emphasize attractions to females, getting married, having kids, etc. what could happen is they then worry about you being a Senator Larry Craig type.

So, stick to the present with them and be as honest as you can. I really like that you're approaching them and even telling your dad you'd like to talk more tomorrow. It sounds like you have a good line of communication with your parents and that will help all of you.

Good luck, and congratulations again. Keep us up to date on how things are progressing in the next few days.



P.S. I just noticed this is your first post! Welcome to JUB and this forum! Hope you enjoy the site!

 

[luminum]

It's pretty normal for parents to react this way. Many parents create expectations of the life they want to have through the life they want you to have, and coming out to them forces them to see the underlying flaw with all of it: that it's not their life to live and they should have no expectations of what you'll give them other than your love and vice versa.

Really, it's not your duty to reassure them that you can give them the grandchildren/daughter-in-law/life they always wanted because it was never theirs to take for granted.

It's good, however, that your father is resolved in his love for you. Just give him some time to process it and he'll probably come around.

But...sometimes parents need some help. If you live in the states, you can try finding your local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and gather some materials for them. Tell them about it and that they have support groups for parents going through the same thing they are. If nothing else, your parents may appreciate having other parents who are just as uncertain as they are, who understand what they're feeling, and more so, to have someone who's been where they are and can help them see that this is far from "horrible." You can even offer to go with them.

Congrats on doing something very brave and if you act with courage, sensitivity, and sincerity, I'm sure things will turn out well.

 

[Giovanni]

They shouldn't feel too bad. At least they still have a chance for grandkids. They shouldn't complain.

 

[RRRalph]

Congratulations bro! Things will be ackward in the beginning and it will turn out fine! So chin up! I've made some

interesting threads in the past. You should have a look. One of them was about sharing coming out stories:

How good or bad was your coming out?

 

[metronome]

it's not going so good at the moment. my dad threatened me to "stay the hell away" so I'm gonna keep my distance for a while. he's upset about the people I told before him. he's hurt, and doesn't really understand how hard it is to come out to parents first.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I might stay at a friends house for a while.

 

[luminum]

If you feel that the environment at home is not safe or you need a break, then it may be best to give your father some space and relax at a friend's house.

If you decide to do that, perhaps writing to your father and leaving it for him to digest is something you could do. You can tell him that it's hard to come out to parents first because you have the most to lose from telling them if it goes badly. These are pretty normal reactions for a parent to have, but if you try to explain some of it to him, he may begin to see a different perspective and begin dealing with his own issues.

 

[Tizinsane]

I've always had the feeling that coming out as bisexual was easier than coming out as gay (still, I haven't had the balls to do it yet).

It sounds like your dad is having a really, really hard time with it. It's probably going to take a couple of weeks, maybe even months for him to get use to it. But im confident sooner or later, it won't be a big issue anymore. TIME is the key! I know it sucks, but have patience and wait it out.

Congrats, btw!!!

 

[Piquechampion]

What a moronic and cruel thing to do... If you still want kids and you´re ¨bi¨, then why make your parents suffer????

Cruel I say