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Came out, now what?

J

jubjub

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So I recently told my closest friends that I like guys. They're all cool with it. The only people who don't know right now are my parents, which I want to stay this way.

My problem now is finding guys. What's a good place to look? I don't want just one night stands and whores, I actually want a decent guy who I can have a relationship with, hopefully. Ideas?
 
jubjub said:
So I recently told my closest friends that I like guys. They're all cool with it. The only people who don't know right now are my parents, which I want to stay this way.

My problem now is finding guys. What's a good place to look? I don't want just one night stands and whores, I actually want a decent guy who I can have a relationship with, hopefully. Ideas?
Click to expand...

Don't we all? Want a healthy relationship with that one special person. Just read the old blog you posted...how is that going by the way?
 
I feel one way to find a good guy is to network in the gay scene. Meet them, make friends, go to clubs, hang out in bars, maybe even search on matching websites. It all depends on your pursuit really.
 
Now that your friends know. They may know someone to hook you up with. Check out some sites and places like 954dude mentioned. You will find someone. It not always that easy. It will probably happen with you least expected. Good luck.
 
Take your time. You're not gonna find one right away.

Get out there. Meet people, gay and straight, male and female. Stay friendly and open. If there's a "gay section" of your town, spend some time at the bookstores, the coffeeshops, the restaurants. Look online to see if there's a "gay club" activity you'd like to join - a gay volleyball league? A gay biking club? A gay volunteer group?

Don't immediately shut people out because they're not "relationship material". They may make great friends, and they may know somebody who would be.

Lex
 
Thanks for the replies guys. Any good websites you know of? My inclination is a lot of those are for meeting guys for random hook-ups. Any decent site where the majority isn't after this?
 
Dont discount Lex's advice to quickly jubjub... often relationships are more likely to evolve and be longer lasting when they are built on common interests and freindship. And gay groups are a perfect place to start.

Sadly its very hard to sort out the guys who want relationships from those who want quick action on personal sites. And the reality is that the best way to actually get to know someone and trust them is still face to face.

Figure out what you're looking for mate and then go from there...
 
It seems as though you want the relationship without having to go through all that "meeting people" stuff. Boyfriends for the socially awkward, if you will. So you go to a personals website, type in your criteria, and in 2-4 weeks, the boyfriend shows up at your door.

I'm not anti-personals. Not in the slightest. But if you're frest out of the closet, it might be better if you get out there and work on your social skills some before you jump straight into looking for a boyfriend. That way, when the boyfriend comes along, he won't have to deal with you "adjusting" - you'll have already done that. :)

Lex
 
I’m with Lex on this. The ways in which gay people meet are no different than the ways straight people meet. There are gay affinity groups for every interest – sports, politics, religion, recovery, books, theater, etc. You just need to look in your town and surrounding areas. You can start one yourself if have an interest that you’re passionate about. Your current friends are also key. People love to introduce people. Once someone knows of 2 friends who are gay, s/he will try to get them to meet. It may not be a match but, if you’re willing to become friends, that person will introduce you to others who will introduce you to others more.

I joined a men’s coming-out group a lifetime ago, when I lived in NYC, and within months I was busy every weekend and many evenings during the week spending time with new friends and sometimes, even dating. That led to involvement in dozens of groups over the years. I now live in much, much smaller city but, except for my family, neighbors and a few colleagues, my entire social network consists of gay people, men and women. Most of my friends are couples because I’m coupled, but when I was single all my friends were gay singles.
 
I first used Myspace to befriend local gay/bi males. It's a jump start, but like anything, has it's ups and downs. Many of the guys are just raving with hormones, some are deceiving and the rest are just looking for friendship or love.

Definitely Google out your local area's gay scene.
 
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