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Came Out on Natl Coming Out Day

taiger65 said:
Special thanks to you, halubtsi, for listening to me this whole time. I think I'm getting everything together. After that first step, I think everything else is gonna be so much easier, I think, I hope. You're my hero. <3
:-)
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Halubtsi is a special guy, isn't he? ..| He's pretty much single handedly helped you with this.

Thanks for all of your updates! :D
 
Riverrick said:
Halubtsi is a special guy, isn't he? ..| He's pretty much single handedly helped you with this.

Thanks for all of your updates! :D
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lol, he sure is special. I'm almost falling in love with him. Thanks to you too, Riverrick. I hope the first guy I meet is just like you guys.
 
Aww, thanks guys. !oops! And taiger65, I also found it somewhat more difficult to tell the guys than girls...unless they were gay guys. hehehe. It's not that the guys were conservative, it's just that, well...they were my buddies. We did so much together, slept in the same rooms, shared the same bed and even changed in front of each other. So, I was definitely concerned that our relationship was going to be strained. My guy friends are amazing, though and they were completely fine with it. We still hang out and do the same things we did before.

As for the Filipino guy, I can't say how he's going to react. But my bro is Conservative, Catholic and military...but he doesn't go to church regularly either. And he's my biggest supporter in the family. I mean, everyone accepts and supports me, but my bro has gone above and beyond anything I would have expected. But, I can't say for sure what will happen with your friend, since I don't know him. However, you may want to tell him separately and individually.
 
Hey taiger65...mate you oughta be proud of your strength and courage..you are on the right track...do it at your own pace - the guys are right its not a race - i suspect you feel pressure because you want to be honest and open...no more hiding...something else to be proud of! Your freinds will value the trust and the honesty you share with them...and if youre like me you'll feel those freindships deepen.

I used that safety and support to face my parents a few months later...it gave me time to accept myself and to realise that i didnt have an extra head after all....i couldnt have done it without them. And mate...the expectations that you worry about shattering are yours too as well as theirs...it was that way for me...just be completely honest and open with them...tell them those feelings. That way they know what you are going through too...its not just them feeling those things. I have only ever see my Dad cry twice in my life...once at his pops funeral...and when I told him that I was gay. And not because he was angry but because he feared i would be unhappy and alone. It taught me that of all things parents just want happiness for their kids...i'm sure yours will be the same.

And as for halubtsi and the other guys. Awesome. Amazing. Just incredible support. Thank you so much for sharing...it still makes me shake to realise just how similar all our paths have been and for you guys to share and help... Wow.
 
Thanks, halubtsi. That one guy friend of mine really is one of the nicest, most considerate, if conservative, guy friends i have. I think he'll be the first guy friend I'll tell. Honestly, he's always been so nice that I thought he was gay too (not that it meant I was necessarily attracted to him), but he has a girlfriend.

tallguy, I still have a lot of thinking to do when it comes to telling my parents. I still have to figure out whether it would be best to come out when I'm independent, or while I'm still living here, etc. My dad is one of those that almost never cries too, but he has normally been very light with expressing his emotions, so I don't know how he'll take it.

Thanks, guys.
 
Thats a great idea taiger65...your judgement in your freinds tells you that you have a pretty good idea on who'll support you...and it will be the greatest releif to have someone to share with. Good on you mate!

As for the oldies...again...take your time, it doesnt have to happen today...my dad never showed his emotions but now i feel so close to him and we only see each other a few times a year. Love is a powerful thing mate...and good parents have a never ending supply. It'll hurt em for a while but they'll get through it - with you.

Good luck mate!
 
OMG, i just realized that not only am i the only son, but i'm also the one boy in our extended family to carry the name! my dad has 4 living sisters, but none of their children will carry the name, and of his 3 brothers, two have children, and they're daughters. not only that, but my immediate family is the fortunate one! we get to fuckin live in teh united states. my family is the priveleged one, and we're supposed to be the freakin perfect family. i hate this.
 
Hey Taiger,

Its good to hear from you...

Mate...one step at a time. You cant change who you are or what you feel. This is not your fault...you didnt ask for this and you had no control over it. These realizations that are causing you too panic and be scared are also out of your hands. You're starting to fall into the same trap most of us do...thats when we THINK we know how others are going to feel and react to our news. Whats scaring you is what you THINK might happen...

Your family name is important. But whats more important to your family is YOU. If they knew of your thoughts and your worries and fears thats what would concern them. A loving parents greatest concern is the happiness and well being of their children. And you've said nothing here to suggest they dont love you?

I know that you are unsure about telling your parents...but have you told any of the other friends that you have mentioned? How are you with your sister now? Right now mate you need to understand that you are worrying about things that you cant change. Its hard...really really hard...I honestly did the same thing. But you are worried about things that may never rate a mention with your family.

Mate...you have to break this down to pieces that you can handle and control. Forget the big picture...it'll take shape all on its own. Get back to focusing on being able to trust and be honest with the people who you care about. Get back to feeling comfortable with coming out to your friends...dont let things deter you from going forward...because thats what you want to do remember. Live your life and lift the weight...allow yourself to enjoy all the things life has to offer. You are right to want those things...they are your right and you deserve them. the freedom and acceptance that you will get from just doing that...even with 1 person...helps you build the strength and courage to go on...just take it one step at a time.

And remember mate...you are not alone...and you are not the first. All of these things have been faced before...and those guys are here to help you. Support is a mouse click or a phone call away.

Be strong mate!
 
things with my sister have gone pretty well. it's been about 3 weeks and i feel like we still have the relationship we've always had, which is good. i haven't told anybody else yet, but i'm gonna plan on telling one of my girl friends (friendgirls?) on friday cos that's when i can see her. i've had a good relationship with her so far, and i thought that i'd be able to keep that relationship going well, but now i realize that if i'm gonna be real around her, then she better know that i dont look at girls that way, and i dont look at her that way.

i've always thought about telling my mom, but only after i get some independence. i don't know if i could tell her while i'm living under the same roof as she is. they love me, and i know there won't be any disowning, but i just dont know about telling them.

thanks, tallguy and robertac. this breakdown also had something to do with the intense loneliness i've been feeling. the feeling i get from carrying the pressure from my whole extended family, but wanting to tell my friends and lead a new open life just put me in a really dark place. i just had a good long cry in the shower after that post, and it helped, i guess. now my eyes feel like they got sandblasted and my chest feels hollow, but at least i got all of that out.
 
Anytime mate...ANYTIME.

Its amazing isnt it that even when surrounded by friends family and people we care about and know that they care about us, that we can still feel lonely...I think we all do from time to time no matter what situation we find ourselves in...we think we are facing things alone and are the first ones to deal with that particular crisis we're in. Remember mate...its not true. You arnt and never will be alone.

And it takes a real honest and open man to admit he can cry...yet its the most load breaking and pressure releasing thing you can do. Sometimes its the release that we need most...never be ashamed to admit that. Those who dont are quietly in awe of those that do. Its only dark when you dont ask for help...you've got the strength and courage to do that - a quality most of us are missing...

We're here mate...be proud of yourself and your amazing determination. Go forward at your pace, when you are ready and live the life you deserve Taiger.
 
i finally got around to telling a girl, one of my best friends. it was still so awkward, but i know she understands. but even knowing that, i still found it hard to say it. "i wanna say that i'm g-..g-gay". but that was that. we went on to talk about other things, mostly because the issue was still so heavy for me. next time, i'll be a little more comfortable. i cant wait til i have a full-blown sit-down conversation with her, when i can tell her everything that's on my mind, where i finally have a vent to let this stuff just all blow out of. thank you for the support!
 
Mate...I am so happy for you! I'm so glad that it all went well!

You should be proud too of your courage and strength mate. You've taken the first step of letting yourself be free...of letting yourself be yourself. It takes determination to start the process you've begun...be proud that you want people to know and trust the real you. Its an amazing thing.

Enjoy this time mate...enjoy being free and that you can share. Value her trust and acceptance...shes going to be the first of many to value the real you and to see you for who you are. And I'm sure she already thinks more of you because you value her too...

It will get easier from here I can promise you that. It may never be a walk in the park but it gets easier. Each time you tell someone you'll have fears but more importantly you gain strength and courage. You gain true friendship and acceptance. And you gain just a little self belief. Yes you are ok and you are the same person you've always been. Your not different...just honest. And a real true valuable person because of it.

Good luck mate...you've done well!!!!!
 
My general policy has been to only come out to people that actually and directly ask me the age-old question. I have not felt it necessary to advertise my sexuality out there as it is no one's business who I date or sleep with. However, in recent times I have come to realize that there are some people out there that assume that I am straight and and wondering when I am going to find a girlfriend and get married, etc. So, as I get older, I seem to feel a tad more comfortable putting it out there when necessary to stop the assumptions. However, I am a male in my late 30s and they must be dense to not have assumed already that I am gay!

I have voluntarily come out to some friends and those have been positive experiences. My coming out to my high school best friend was concurrent to his coming out to me! Needless to say we are even better friends now (NO, not like that pervs! :eek: ) ... we have much more common ground now and relate better without hiding.

Also, my cousin is the only family member to whom I have come out. He just blatanly asked me one day (ironically about a week after my mom [his aunt] passed away - so I assume it was an emotionally charged question). I did tell him, and he repeatedly assured me that it did not matter to him. It truly has not changed our relationship at all - we're the only children of our parents and have essentially been like brothers since we never had our own. What bothers me about this is that he has never again approached the issue. It's not like I want him to ask me "So have you been dating anyone?" ... but I can just sense that he's satisfied in knowing the truth and leave it at that without any further discussion. So in essence, my family remains completely in the dark. OK with me? For now I guess so.

NEED ADVICE GUYS: There was another friend once who asked me in the middle of a Burger King one day, and I thought it was so inappropriate a location (not that anyone else heard) that I just denied it. I feel bad having lied, but that was before I made this rule of telling people who ask. I am certain she would not care either way and would still love me very much, but I guess I am struggling with the issue of how I should take back the lie. The fact that she asked in the first place I feel compels me to go back and "right the wrong" so to speak.

Long winded, but I just wanted to get this off my chest and share with my new family ... pride: ... thanks for listening guys!
 
taiger65, I'm glad that things have been going well. I would have posted, but tallguy and robertac had it covered. :) It will get easier as time goes on. And at some point, you actually just stop coming out. I've reached that point. I'm not officially coming out anymore. People will figure it out, by the comments I make or conversations we have. But the whole "I've got something to tell you...I'm gay" scenarios are over.
 
I didint come out on that day but over the years they have made me more self aware.
 
taiger65 said:
I wish I could meet someone in my town that were gay.
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I live in a fairly unimportant, not particularly high populated area of England, with no particular gay scene. Within less than a day of joining, I'd discovered that another person off JUB - The Aviator - was from my local area.
 
Thanks everyone for the replies! I love reading them, since you guys are always so reassuring. It's like I should already know that something's gonna turn out some way or another, but hearing all of you say what was on my mind just makes it so much easier to accept.

I do feel like I have to tell certain people, because, like you said, RicanDAB, i dont like to say "yeah, she's hot" or stuff like that. I feel dishonest doing so. And nobody knows that I'm gay, since the girl I just came out to told me that she had no idea at all (and she's not oblivious to these things).

I think you should set it straight with your friend. I know: it's easier said than done. I just told one of my best friends too, so I know it's weird, but the sooner you tell them, the sooner you kill that "lie", and the sooner you can freely talk about certain situations, especially if you really need someone to listen.

It's weird giving this kind of advice, since I haven't followed it myself. But that doesn't mean I won't--it's on my checklist of things to do :D
Once again, muchas gracias.
 
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