Came out to a friend, he hasn't talked to me in over week.

[Rolyo85]

I have the same policy. I am pointedly out, and nobody ever feels weird or threatened because there is no secrecy.

 

[JordyM56]

Wow, what a total prick. He finally sent me a message. In a nutshell-

-Said he doesn't want to talk about it and that I should leave him alone.

-Does not believe I only want to be friends with him. Recalled a bunch of different events (innocent ones) in which I "came on to him." Honestly he looked too much into them after I came out to him. Said his ass is only for shitting.

-Said that I'm a total fake and he doesn't know what else to believe about me.

So there you go. Guess that's my closure there. Worth a reply? Probably not, ha!

 

[Just_Believe18]

Wow, what an asshole. Like I said, a true friend accepts you for who you are. He was never truly your friend in the first place, and you most certainly are better off without him.

 

[bw92116]

Block him in every way that is possible. Don't ever contact him, by any method, for any reason.
Don't respond to any contact he may attempt to make to you. Ignore everything completely.
There's a chance he may someday attempt to "make up" and resume the friendship. DON'T!!!!!!!!!
Post here first if you are tempted to respond to him or contact him and we'll talk you out of it.
This is a door you must slam shut, lock the door, throw away the key, and if he rings the bell, ignore it.

 

[Rolyo85]

My advice in this situation would be to send him a text saying "Wow. You can't even begin to imagine how stupid you will feel about this after a while ", smiley included. And then cut communication. Don't make schoolboy gestures of deleting him from your phone, facebook or whatever. He doesn't sound like the type who would spam you in any way. Just ignore his response and/or any other attacks he might make. Don't give him the satisfaction of playing along with his drama. Let him feel stupid for flipping out. And if he comes to his senses and apologizes, don't be a dick. People freak out. It's dumb but it happens

 

[bw92116]

No contact! Period!

You do not continue toxic communications.
You simply stop. Not even one reply.
No matter what they said, you do not reply.

This relationship has become toxic.
There is no solution for a toxic relationship.
The only remedy is to end it, completely.

No contact!!!

 

[Rolyo85]

I think he got it the first time. You've stated your opinion. Other people have others. OP will decide for himself.

 

[bw92116]

And I am free to state my opinion again. Including my opinion of your suggestion to send the guy a text.

 

[Rolyo85]

Actually, if you look at the rules, or ask Seasoned, you will see that no, you are not free to state your opinion of my suggestion ^_^ This forum is exclusively for giving advice and it is not allowed to engage in discussions with other posters other than the OP. Tone down the zealotry. OP can see your opinion and decide for himself. I have no stake in this situation and we have no business arguing over whose advice is shinier

 

[JordyM56]

Calm down you guys . I'll figure out what I'm going to do, if anything at all. I'm trying to focus more on the things that matter to me more.

 

[Ganoderma]

It's really sad. I thought we were close and that it would finally be a good time to tell him. He seemed like a pretty open minded guy to begin with. He's currently 19 and we've known each other for a few years. When I initially did it over the phone, he seemed like he was cool with it, asked me a bunch of questions, etc. Then whenever I tried talking to him after that, he just decided to ignore me.

He finally sent me a message.
-Said he doesn't want to talk about it and that I should leave him alone.
-Does not believe I only want to be friends with him. Recalled a bunch of different events (innocent ones) in which I "came on to him." Honestly he looked too much into them after I came out to him. Said his ass is only for shitting.
-Said that I'm a total fake and he doesn't know what else to believe about me.
Guess that's my closure there. Worth a reply? Probably not.

hi JordyM56,

Thanks for the feedback. IMO, leave him alone and don't send him a reply. So I don't know anything about the type of friendship you had with him, but it was a very good decision of you to tell him now (and not after 1 or 2 years or so) that you are gay.

Definitely, there are millions and millions of straight guys of around his age who don't bother at all that one or more of their guy friends turn out to be gay. Maybe he has a very, very skewed opinion about gay guys of around your age? I don't know, but I would not spend any time anymore bothering about him. You have done your best, you have given him alot of answers on all kind of questions, and he has made up his mind.

So just go on with your life. Is sad, but such kind of things happen in your life.

Towards my opinion, he seems to be the guy with the problems. And I presume that you are the guy who want to live a happy and a relaxed life as an open gay. So better spend time with friends (straight or gay or anything in between) who like you as a person.

Take care & I would like to wish you all the best.

 

[Georgiadude]

I was afraid this was going to happen but was hoping for a different result. I know some are saying to not say anything to him but I'm the type to at least explain myself and how I feel. That way I know I've had my say. It doesn't have to be some back and forth but I'd let him know he's throwing away a good friend and the things he said were his imagination gone wild. As I said in my first post. Obviously he wasn't that good of a friend to begin with. A true friend would support you and know that your the same person you've always been. Don't be surprised if he spreads rumors or tells people that you came onto him etc. Guys that react like he did tend to do that. They have to distance themselves from you so others wont think he did anything with you while you were friends. It's moronic but sadly it happens. Your young and will make other friends. I'm almost 46 and when I was your age I thought I'd be friends with the same people the rest of my life. The fact is people move, get married and life happens. I've lost contact with everyone I used to be friends with. Go about your life and be who you are. You will find others that deserve to be your friend. He doesn't.

Im sorry this happened but he's revealed who he truly is........a giant jackass and your better off without him in your life.

Steven.

 

[Nishin]

Wow, what a total prick. He finally sent me a message. In a nutshell-
-Said he doesn't want to talk about it and that I should leave him alone.
-Does not believe I only want to be friends with him. Recalled a bunch of different events (innocent ones) in which I "came on to him." Honestly he looked too much into them after I came out to him. Said his ass is only for shitting.
-Said that I'm a total fake and he doesn't know what else to believe about me.
So there you go. Guess that's my closure there. Worth a reply? Probably not, ha!

Dear ex-best friend,

Obviously trusting you to be a friend good enough to open my real self to proved to be a mistake. Or maybe it was a good thing after all.
It is now clear that despite reproaching me for it you in fact seem like you'd have preferred me to remain a "total fake".

I wasn't honest with you from the start, this is true, but have been honest eventually, when I mistakenly thought it was safe to be. Can you see why it is so difficult to trust people when "friends" reacting like you did negate my will to be who I am?
Yet, who is the faker? I for eventually telling you who I really am? Or you for acting cool and open, even asking me questions on the phone when we last talked and then stopping returning messages and severing our bond?

Here is what you can actually believe about me : I will indeed leave you alone for now on as I have other things to do than dealing with disappointment at your reaction and at your spinning innocent events into accounts of me coming on to you and making this about YOU. This is so ridiculous and symptomatic of your inability to even start to imagine how hard it has been to reveal my deeper self even to someone I thought I could trust.

I have no interest in your (apparently irresistible) shit-hole and no time to address your insecurities and egocentric delirium.

Cordially,

 

[Rolyo85]

One piece of advice for you (though it's also something to tell him if you decide to go the having your say approach, which I too am a fan of):

Do not, under any circumstances believe even for a second that you were a "fake", that you were "lying" etc. Not because you weren't - of course you were - but because society and your environment required that of you. It's a matter of self-preservation and when you are forced to lie, it stops being your fault, at least until you get to a point in your life when it won't cause you serious emotional or physical harm to come out. You trusted him with the truth because you were ready, and this trust shows that you respected and trusted him. This is the ONLY point of view that should matter to you. You were not dishonest with him. You were forced by society to hide. There is a giant difference.

 

[JordyM56]

Thanks, again. I feel that he has become nothing to me, now. He's the real fake and an ignorant piece of shit. If he does happen to attempt to apologize, it's going to be a while before I can forgive him.

 

[Rolyo85]

Just remember, people say dumb shit when they freak out. I'm not saying he's not a douchebag, but keep an open mind.

 

[wikke1]

Am I the only one who still thinks there's a possibility that your "friend" is actually closeted himself?
19 in my old (27) eyes is still very young.

If one of my friends had outed himself to me when I was 19, I would have freaked out, because it would have been too eye opening.
I would probably (out of sheer fright to "see myself") avoided further contact with you.

I would, however, never have sent a message like he did...

I'm sorry to hear your story. You can say that "he has become nothing to you", but this doens't make it any less sad.
You were finally able to open up, you didn't deserve such a response...

I (personnaly) do not agree with the "STOP ALL CONTACT AND COMMUNICATION".
If everyone in this world would think like that, very few bridges would be built, a lot of chances to "get to know eachother" would be crushed.
Me myself, I don't think I would have the energy to explain myself further/call him out on his behaviour/..., but if you do, go for it.
Sometimes, you have to give people a chance to review their opinion.
Thank God for all those people in the past who had that courage.

 

[JayQueer]

I disagree with the idea of completely ignoring the "friend". After the "friend" wrote that nasty note to the OP, I would have just written back something along the lines of "I'm sorry you feel that way. If you thought I came on to you, that was not my intention at all" and leave it at that. I wouldn't do anything dramatic like taking him off my friends list on Facebook or blocking him unless he continued to send nasty notes or comments.

The "friend" (and maybe the OP?) is 19 years old. Teenage males are very, very immature, say & do stupid things, and almost all straight guys (and most closeted guys) at that age are trying to prove their masculinity. So maybe this is just an immaturity thing, and after a while, he'll be open to talking to you again, on friendlier terms.

Also, you have to remember that we are talking about a STRAIGHT guy. The mental picture of 2 men kissing or 2 men having anal sex makes almost every straight man at least slightly uncomfortable, even if they are otherwise okay with gay rights & gay marriage.

Many straight guys don't know how to react when a close male friend or relative comes out as gay. It may have been better to have said, "Yeah, I'm gay" and just moved on to talking about things that most straight guys can relate to -- like sports, or something else. If he had questions about you being gay, he could have asked them when he felt comfortable and ready, instead of you forcing the issue.

Lastly, if one of my friends told me he was gay when I was 19 -- I can tell you what I would have done, as a closeted gay man. I would have distanced myself from him as soon as possible, and ended the friendship. I didn't want anyone knowing that I was gay, and if I had a close gay friend, people might think that I was gay too.

I'm not saying that your "friend" or ex-friend is closeted, but I remember watching a random Hollywood movie when I was closeted with my friends, and suddenly there was a scene with a gay male couple kissing. I said "yuck!" and I told everyone how 2 men kissing was disgusting and that the ass is "exit only"......

 

[JordyM56]

I can picture it now; Within a few years, I run into him in some gay bar/club making out with a guy. His reaction? XD

 

[wikke1]

exactly what I meant in my post above yours
i agree 100% with what you wrote