The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Came out to an old friend last night

  • Thread starter Thread starter peeonme
  • Start date Start date
P

peeonme

Guest
We have known each other since we were 14 and have reconnected in the past 5 years.
We like 700 miles apart and talk about 3 times per year on the phone for about 3 hours,
he and I went through a lot together, we were in the same boy's home... it was rough with a lot of beating and sexual abuse and activity.
He had no clue that I was active with other boys when we lived there together, I thought it was just a stage I was in because of where I was at, after 18 mos. I was released, the gay followed me home, it was in me... it is me.
I must say it was somewhat anti climatic... the only thing he said was that we are fine.
I have came out to others and it was about the same, nothing changed.
My real issue is my wife of 40 years and my son, he is 35. I have no desire at this point to leave my wife and look for a guy, I will not have sex with anyone, the wife has had a stroke and is disabled, plus she has some real emotional issues, we have not had sex in years, probably at least 20 now.
My son is another who is not wrapped tight emotionally, as I have said in another post, I think they at least suspect that I am gay, what guy would stay with a woman for 20 years with no sex?
I have this feeling that the day is coming when I will come out to them, not so that I can go get a boyfriend, just so that they will know me, does this make sense?
 
congrats! i too recently came out to some people close to me. it might've seemed anti-climactic how they responded but in this case, its probably one of the best responses you can get haha. also props for staying with and by your wife. i hope you can find some happiness though!
 
I wouldn't tell them at this point because you have no intention of acting on it and they'll just worry that you will. If your wife should die before you you might then decide to confide in your son.

Please understand that your story could have been mine except that my sex drive led me to sex outside my marriage. Last week would have been my ex-wife's and my 44th anniversary and we have two children, ages 35 and 31.

At this point, if you don't have enough people you can safely tell and if your need to confide is strong, I'd seek out a therapist.

I wish you the best.
 
Seasoned said:
I wouldn't tell them at this point because you have no intention of acting on it and they'll just worry that you will. If your wife should die before you you might then decide to confide in your son.

Please understand that your story could have been mine except that my sex drive led me to sex outside my marriage. Last week would have been my ex-wife's and my 44th anniversary and we have two children, ages 35 and 31.

At this point, if you don't have enough people you can safely tell and if your need to confide is strong, I'd seek out a therapist.

I wish you the best.
Click to expand...

To be honest if I could I would wear a t shirt that says that I am gay, that's about how I feel. It's difficult to evaluate this in an objective fashion for me, hell, I am in the middle of it. To be fair, I put myself in that place, I just get frustrated, my wife can hardly speak and my son only speaks about himself. I find myself lonely, not for sex, but it would be nice, but rather for intellectual exchange
of ideas and thoughts.
I find myself surrounded by people at work who talk sports and video games, the only time they know me is if they can't figure out a math problem or read a blue print.
I try to be positive on JUB, I try to add and not take, encourage others rather than complain, today I guess I am just down, I appreciate your advise.
 
You'd be really nuts if you weren't down. You have been living with all sorts of burdens. Depending on where you live there may be a LGBT center or a gay men's group you could join. You need an in person ear or two. Even finding a week or two of respite care and getting away to a gay friendly area would be helpful to you.

You have friends here so pm them (me) for additional support as well. You have a tough life. No one would deny that.
 
What's preventing you from forming non-sexual friendships with other men away from your work and your wife and son? In fact, I think you should because the burden of being a caretaker for your wife and son is more than you can handle on your own 24/7.
Sometimes when people feel the need to get something off their minds, they inadvertently place the burden on the other person. The confession might feel good, but what if it hurts the other person? Both your wife and son are emotionally unstable and that might be all that much more reason that they can't handle it.

I would suggest you not bring your sexuality home or to work, but form some friendship that are own. You have needs and you are honestly admitting that. You can't have those needs met by co-workers or family members. You need friends, peers who will understand and empathize with you.

Good luck, man.
 
I can't express how much gratitude I feel toward all of your kind words and advise, considering your advise has made me realize that perhaps I have not been totally honest with myself, I have avoided being around other gay men for fear of a relationship or just a hook up happening, not that any would throw themselves at me, but I might find myself flirting with them.
I have never been near any sort of lgbt center and don't know what would occur there, also I have a concern that once it was found that I am married I would receive ridicule for being married, deceiving my wife, living a lie etc.
I have thought about it going to a center, just a little afraid( I hate the word afraid) of what would happen, also my wife would want to know where I have been, I have thought about just saying a support group as I do suffer from ptsd, also ocd. I know I am a mess.
You guys are a great help, thank you!
 
peeonme said:
what guy would stay with a woman for 20 years with no sex?
Click to expand...

An amazing, selfless, caring, considerate guy. Wow! That's some sacrifice on your part. I realize you're going through a hard time, and honestly I don't know what to say except that what you're doing is absolutely amazing. (*8*)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top