Came out to best friend...that's not the half of it

[sdmister4]

How does thinking something is cute sound gay?

oh nothing against it! i promise! but have you honestly heard any straight guys even use the word cute unless its a prospective girl?

 

[spencer]

Hi guys....

Still have not had the courage to say it yet...Its sooooooo hard!! But I think I'll do it soon. I keep telling myself Ill do it tomorrow, but I just cant...how do you say something like that? I think im in love with you? I think I like you? I like you? I have strong feelings for you?

Its tough... Ill keep you posted though

how bout you start by asking him out. no need to break out the L word just yet.

 

[jusluv]

Why do I not feel comfortable saying it. I think he knows what I want to tell him but he does not make it easy for me to tell him at all... My biggest fear is that he wont like me back and Ill end up devistated...

 

[irishinvader]

Try thinking about it this way, is the fear of him not liking you bigger than the regret of the "what if" you would have if you didn't ask him at all? If the regret is bigger, you gotta tell him. Otherwise, don't. You'll probably find you couldn't live with that "what if" lurking around in your mind. It ruined me for 3 years! Hope that helped

 

[drbonermen]

So I just came out to my best friend of many years. I was so terrified, but he was absolutely okay with it. I'd been wanting to tell him for a while because I actually have very strong feelings for him and it had gotten to the point that I had to tell him something or I was going to explode.

We have a very interesting relationship to say the least. First of all, I have plenty male friends but it is just a chemstry and connection we have that I've never had with anyone else. I feel like he is my better half. He completes me and I complete him. We spend alot of time together..alot. We get each other, we cant be angry with each other. People have said that they thought we were together but I always say no. But honestly it feels like a relationship. It gotten to the point where it would feel l weird, like we werent telling each other something. So thats when I decided to tell him I was gay. I did...then....

He ended up telling me he was gay also... SHOCKED!!! Did not expect that at all!!! So now even though we have come out to each other it still feels kinda weird. Do you think it's because we have feelings for each other? How should I go about telling him exactly how I feel?

Oh wow, that was just awesome! You two were destined for each other perhaps? Congrats

 

[GBirdie]

I guess I can imagine the tenseness of the air "reverberating" between you guys. I had that once too when I first came out. I told my friend that I was gay in a kinda wrong way that it could be misinterpreted.... and I guess he got it wrong, well, I DID like him..... but, I didn't mean to tell him that way, or even tell him at all. But anyway, we couldn't bring ourselves to properly talk to each other over the next few weeks.

Anyway, rather than going for the "I ____ You" thingy next, I suggest you break the ice that just crystalized between you guys. Since both of you are kinda in ..... 'shock', and don't know what to do next. When you get the chance to be sitting with him or doing something with him, talk to him about something else.... or something that could loosen up the tension.... or, if you wanna take a shot, try going for something like.... "So, erm.... since when did you know you were gay?" ... or some sort..........


It might be better to settle back as friends FIRST, and then move on.... since.... as I remember, the tension makes all sorts of conversations sound weird and one sided.... question, answer, question, answer, that's all, haha.


Anyway, you're a damn lucky dude to have that happen to you, it's like nearly everyone's wish out there, LOL.

Good luck

 

[kramer362]

Maybe downplay it and make it so it isn't earth-shattering news? You could just say 'you know it's funny that you're gay too, because I had a crush on you before you ever came out to me."

 

[nautiboyjeff]

You are making it into this gigantic moment. Is there some way to bring this up in a more casual manner. Say "Hey, I have a couple of questions for you". "Now that we both know, have you ever had feelings for me? I think you are cute, don't want to ruin our friendship, but I think you are a great guy". "What kind of experience do you have?"

You say you guys are best buds.....so this isn't like it's out of left field. Try to make it more casual.

 

[sdmister4]

tension is natural, i like what kramer was getting at, you could make it sound like you used to have a crush on him and if he says something like, "oh well funny coincidence" then maybe you can take it a little farther.

and if that happens ask him to see a movie with you or something

 

[gmoney]

Personally, I wouldn't bring up the "crush" factor quite yet. It's "kewl" that you're both gay, but that doesn't mean he is thinking "crush" back at you.

Now that the Gay "thing" is out in the open, just chill for a bit. See how he reacts to you from now on. Will he get "flirty"?? If so ... Great!! If not ... let it be, for now.

Eventually, though, you should let him know, if you still feel that way toward him. But ... do it in a non-threatening way. Let him know that it's O.K. if he doesn't feel the same way toward you. Let him know that he'll still be your best friend no matter what.

And, of course ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

P.S.
And, of course, you realize that you're now "duty bound" to keep us all posted as to how this all works out for you!

I think Chaz has some great advice here. I know your feelings are consuming you at the moment, but stop and think what made you friends in the first place. Don't make your crush seem so overwhelming when you do find the right time to tell him.

Good luck

 

[Just_Believe18]

Is he completely new to being gay?

Are you completely new to being gay? Have either of you had any experiences, relationships, etc?

 

[jusluv]

Is he completely new to being gay?

Are you completely new to being gay? Have either of you had any experiences, relationships, etc?

We are COMPLETELY new...we are the only ones who know about each other... just me and him... He is the type that he will NEVER make the first move... so that makes me feel uncomfortable ...I just dont want him to be disgusted by it because we are best friends... I dont know his type, i dont know what he likes.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Thanks for keeping us updated....

I bet he is dying to tell you. You don't have to dive in head first with "wanna have sex", just start the dialog. When you see a guy YOU think is kind of hot, say, "that's my type, there". You might be surprised at how eager he is to tell you things. Remember you had a lot of anxiety about telling him and he told you right after.....so take a little risk.

 

[jusluv]

Just an UPDATE guys!!!

I have not talked to him yet. But Ive been talking to my friends, trying to understand why he is not more open to me.

I know he is gay, he knows I am gay. We have been friends for years. When Im with him it feels so different, Ive never had a chemistry with a guy like I have with him...and I feel like he is the ONE, because I am 99 percent sure I will never meet anyone in my life that will make me feel like he makes me feel . People already think we are together...and I think thats the problem with him. I think he is so uncomfortable with people thinking that he is gay that it affects US...ME AND HIM. He is pusing me away I feel it in my heart and it breaks my heart. I know he is not comfortable with himself...but where does that leave me? What should I do? My friends say he is in love with me but he is afraid of it...but I feel like if you love someone you will show it in some kind of way. I would never push someone away that I love as much as I love him. I kinda feel like he doesnt want to be around me. We used to do EVERYTING together. And now he walks 5 paces ahead of me and acts like he doesnt need me. I know he isnt interested in any other guys because he doesnt want the "gay" thing. I just wonder if he knows how I feel because I dont try to hide it. I make comments about guys looking at him, I say things like "He better not be flirting with you" trying to play the whole jel boyfriend thing....which Im really not that type. But I just want to let him know I have feeings for him. My friends say its very obvious and he would be dumb not to know...I know we have something special because he shared that huge secret with me...but he still fights me. What should I do? Should I still tell him how I feel about him? Do you think he would even tell me the truth about how he feels about me if I told him? Is it worth it because he is so afraid of the "gay" thing?

If I do tell him how do I go about it...because I feel like its a little bigger than "I have feelings for you" He is my bestfriend and I feel like he is fighting who he is... What do you guys think????

 

[chillyboi]

Having not read other replies...sorry!!
Do Not jump into the sack right away, that could jepordize everything.......

 

[hotatlboi]

I have not talked to him yet. But Ive been talking to my friends, trying to understand why he is not more open to me.

Have you considered that it's probably the same reason you haven't been open with him yet?

If he does have any feelings, he's probably just as scared and nervous about saying anything.

It sounds like he may be more of a closet case than you, but he also might just not be ready to be in a relationship yet too.

 

[sixthson]

Virgins are so cute. And naive.

There are ways to tell him without words, if you feel you cannot speak them. Show him with body language. When you say something to him, lean into him with your body, touch his hand with yours. Make lots of eye contact and be affectionate with him, without going overboard.

Ultimately, you may have to say something, because he may be dense or fearful. In the worst case scenario, he may not feel the same way, but you are not likely to lose his long time friendship. In your case, I think because you have been friends for a long time, this makes it more difficult for you two to see each other in the romantic way. You may need to be obvious about it.

If all else fails, show him your dick. Virgins love dicks.

 

[spencer]

how bout you start by asking him out. no need to break out the L word just yet.

Since you're clearly not going to do this, how about just asking to hang out, so he can start forming these feelings.

 

[USEDCAR]

I think you should just take your time don't ask him out right away. I would have a sleep over with him and see where things go take your time and talk to him


It would be amazing to come out to a friend and he ends up being gay or bisexual

 

[jusluv]

Well....I did it!!! I told him that I had feelings for him. He said he'd known for a long time...but he did not say anything. I told him that I had to tell him and I felt in my heart that he already knew. The first thing he said was he was not ready yet...he told me that I was his best friend and he loves me...but he's not ready. He asked me would I be his best friend and be there for him and I said yes...of course. I told him I didnt want to force it on him, I just needed to tell him. And he said he's not ready for a relationship right now with anyone. Do you think that was his way of saying he wasnt interested?? If he wasn't He would have said he only saw me as a friend right? Should I wait for him...I feel on my heart that he is the one, and I kinda feel like he knows that too but he's just not ready to take that huge step actually say he is in a relationship with another guy. What do you guys think I should do? Should I move on and try to date other people?

After I told him nothing was different at all...it was just like it had always been.