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Came out to GF as Bi but now think I am Gay !

R

Robby08

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I posted about this before but things have changed some so here goes again.. I came out to my Girlfriend who I have lived with for a year and she freaked , went all religious on me and everything. I told her I was Bi and it did not go over well but things cooled off and then today I decided I am not living for myself and am being someone I am not by being in this relationship but I do love her, just realizing I am more gay than Bi after all. I decided to go to the states in January for 4 months ( I am an American living in Nicaragua, and she is Nicaraguan ) to work and explore my sexuality more, I cannot imagine hurting her but I feel I am not being true to myself, would it be selfish to just leave her just because I want something else ?
 
i think it would be much worse to make a life with this woman when you know you can't give 100% of yourself. think about it, how happy can you be in the long run? what if you begin a family and then find you can't put off your true self any longer?
 
Yes, I believe that it's selfish, but also selfish for her to ask you to continue being with her. This is ultimately a tragedy, and it's ironic that something that's supposed to be a source and pleasure and happiness it causing pain.
 
Robby08 said:
I posted about this before but things have changed some so here goes again.. I came out to my Girlfriend who I have lived with for a year and she freaked , went all religious on me and everything. I told her I was Bi and it did not go over well but things cooled off and then today I decided I am not living for myself and am being someone I am not by being in this relationship but I do love her, just realizing I am more gay than Bi after all. I decided to go to the states in January for 4 months ( I am an American living in Nicaragua, and she is Nicaraguan ) to work and explore my sexuality more, I cannot imagine hurting her but I feel I am not being true to myself, would it be selfish to just leave her just because I want something else ?
Click to expand...

Well if you'd had children together then I might say that it would be selfish of you to leave her and the kids..... but since you've not done that you have every right to move on.

You owe it to her to be as honest as you've done, that was wise on your part. Often guys that have a realtionship with a girl keep up with it even though they come to terms with the fact that they are gay. That does neither the girl or guy any good.

I wish the best for you my friend.
It's a tough thing to leave a girl that you love and that loves you.... but it's even going to be tougher for you in the future.
You write about 'exploring your sexuality'... you will have to figure out what you are looking for in that regard. I'm sure that someone that is has nice looking as you, that writes well, and is very intelligent will have no problem meeting nice and good men. Just figure out if you are going in to it for sexual enounters or if you will be looking to meet guys for dating first.

Good luck from a jub friend.
tonyboy
 
She doesnt seem she is comfortable with ur sexual orientation. Consequently, this wouldnt lead to a healthy relationship in the long run. It's all depends on how much you guys love each other. If not that much, maybe it's your chance to find something else. It's your call.
 
Two questions.

  1. Are you sexually attracted to women at all?
  2. Do you love her?

If you answered yes to both of these questions, you can still make it with her.
 
would it be selfish to just leave her just because I want something else ?
Click to expand...

No it is selfish and dishonest to keep her around while you're running around fucking guys.

Choose.
 
Robby08 said:
I decided I am not living for myself and am being someone I am not by being in this relationship but I do love her, just realizing I am more gay than Bi after all....I cannot imagine hurting her but I feel I am not being true to myself, would it be selfish to just leave her just because I want something else ?
Click to expand...

Love just isn't enough to keep the relationship going. There's no perfect answer in situations like this and someone will get hurt whether you go or stay.

But it's better to hurt and move on than to stay in a relationship that is not going to satisfy her needs or yours.
 
You can still love her without being together with her. Love and sex doesn't go hand in hand all the time. And some relationships can survive without sex. Most can't tho
 
I don't think it's selfish, no.

I'd think it selfish if you plan on remaining with her until January, knowing full well you plan on breaking up with her then, though.

Lex
 
You've discovered your true feelings and now it is time to let her go. Please, for her sake, do not drag her around for months to come. It will be hard, but it will be even worse if you are unfaithful to her.
 
Crudely, a women that is into vagina can be bi and or straight, but a man that is into penis, is gay--the appellation "bi" means he lacks courage at the moment. You have love for her, but you are attracted to males. Your acceptance of this and frankness about it is more beneficial to her than stringing her along with the 'i love you but I might love penis more' bait-and-switch. If she accepts this then she wasn't dumped, which plays upons a woman's need to be re-assured via male, but rather it is saying 'if i loved women, you are my belle.' In which case, she was not rejected by a man in pursuit of the arms of another woman, but rather she agreed to a dissolution based on nature, and therefore she had no choice, and no blame is placed.
 
Robby08, Selfish means that you are looking out for your own interests without any regards to others' feelings. By realizing that staying with her will only hurt her in the end, you are actually thinking about both of your feelings and how this could affect both of you. I would hardly say you are being selfish.

As far as love goes, you can love someone without being in a relationship with them. I had a boyfriend last year who I cared for very much. But there were things that made it impossible for us to be a couple. We were just too different in our daily habits and our sexual interests to be able to be in a relationship. But I loved him very much and breaking up with him was one of the hardest things I've ever done. We are still great friends and I love him very much. But now we are both free to seek partners who will fulfill us the way we want and need.

You sound like you are doing the right thing. I know it's hard but don't feel bad about it. This is best for both of you and you never know, you might end up staying very good friends.


peerless, I have to disagree with your views on bisexuals. While a lot of us have gone through a bisexual phase as a way of dealing with being gay there are actually guys who really do enjoy sex with both men and women. It's not really fair to them for us to say they are wrong or afraid to be who they are. And even if they are in that transition phase, calling them cowards isn't the healthiest thing either. Everyone comes to terms with their own sexuality in their own way. Besides, it's much more fun to say "I knew it!!!" if the time comes that a "bisexual" person does realize they are gay and a lot less insulting or patronizing.
 
Well Don, I think most gays have that bi-phase were he/she struggles, so nothing new there. And I do not agree that one that lack's courage is a "coward." Many of us struggled with the notion of telling our families, respectively, and I don't view that as cowardice. My point was more to illustrate that in my experience and in my opinion, a straight man wants NOTHING to do with his mate's penis (notwithstanding emo/metro, as the jury is still out; pun not intended). So If a guy is open to homosexual sex, and is past the puberty stage of his life, he is most likely gay, and not willing to accept this or live life as such. Im sorry if my opinion offends you, and Im certainly no authority. This is the world as I see it. But who am I?
 
peerless, no offense taken. We are all allowed to have our own opinions and to disagree. There was a great quote from Star Trek Voyager where Capt. Janeway said something like "I cringe at the thought of my whole crew agreeing with me" or something like that. I think when everyone agrees all the time life gets boring. Plus, a little constructive argument is healthy as long as everyone involved respects each other's views. :)
 
Word. Each human's experiences is totally unique. Sometimes a consensus is formed, but most often it is not. We call this life. Happy living to all.
 
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