The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    To register, turn off your VPN; you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Came out to mother but she told my father

N

NYClover54

Slut
Joined
Oct 23, 2012
Posts
223
Reaction score
1
Points
0
So I finally came out to my mother indirectly yesterday and she told my father today. Shit hit the fan today basically and he's very upset. I didn't see him today but i feel the tension in the air. I didn't even want to come out to him until after med school. He is very closed minded but so far I don't think I will be thrown out of the house. My mom knows that my good friend is actually my boyfriend so at least we don't have to live a lie. I'm scared though about my future. :confused:
 
hang in there... praying everything works out for you... can you live with your bf if things turn uglier at home... I am so sorry to hear this...

Kevin
 
I'm in shock that a parent with a son in medical school would have a concern about sexual orientation. Remind him you'll be the one looking after his well-being when the time comes.
 
^^^^ Yes so much Yes

I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing this we are all here for you
 
Sorry if it affects you, but your dad is an idiot, at this moment in life; I won´t even start pointing out why.. Talk with your dad, say to him that you love him and he´ll always be your father (etc etc) and you don´t want to ruin your relationship with him over something that doesn´t affect him in any way. And that you learn from him to handle situations like an adult and you´d like him to act like an adult again with what only HE sees a problem. See how it goes, get ready for some distance in the close future or so and then see if he can get over it.
 
Seasoned said:
I'm in shock that a parent with a son in medical school would have a concern about sexual orientation. Remind him you'll be the one looking after his well-being when the time comes.
Click to expand...

As true as this is, remember that his dad seems to be a homophobe and this answer has a big chance of bringing distance between them.
 
You Dad thinks it is your choice. That belief lies at the heart of all the parental disapproval of gay sons. When you talk to your Dad, emphasize that you did not choose to be gay, that you absolutely cannot choose not to be gay, that no one knows why some are gay and some not, but that it is not his fault and it is not your fault.
Part of being a good parent is helping their children to make good decisions which will affect the rest of their lives. If being gay were a choice, it would not be the best choice. Things have improved, but gays still face discrimination and stigma. From your Dad's view point, deciding to be gay is a little like leaving medical school to become a drummer in a mediocre rock band.
And your parents want a nice life for you; beautiful wife, children, good profession, nice house, etc. He sees you choosing to give that up in favor of what?
 
I would go as far as saying that you should make it clear that not only is it not a choice, but if it WERE, you'd STILL not choose to be straight because that feels unnatural to you.

Frankly, I am thankful that I live on the 7th floor. If I woke up straight one day, I have an exit strategy.
 
Rolyo85 said:
I would go as far as saying that you should make it clear that not only is it not a choice, but if it WERE, you'd STILL not choose to be straight because that feels unnatural to you.

Frankly, I am thankful that I live on the 7th floor. If I woke up straight one day, I have an exit strategy.
Click to expand...

Don't say that if you want to reconcile with your father. It will alienate him further and make you sound perverse, or mentally ill.
 
I am sorry, what? Someone liking being gay sounds "perverse or mentally ill"? I am sorry, but I believe you should get the fuck out of this forum and stop giving people advice if THAT's how you feel about being gay...
 
Rolyo85 said:
I am sorry, what? Someone liking being gay sounds "perverse or mentally ill"? I am sorry, but I believe you should get the fuck out of this forum and stop giving people advice if THAT's how you feel about being gay...
Click to expand...

Nonsense. Read it again. Jumping out a window because you find you are straight???
 
Obvious exaggeration. What it stands for is:

"This is me, and I love it, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Anything else but who I am now, would be a travesty, whether it's the way the majority is (straight) or something quirkier like zoophilia."

If you make excuses and act like it's something tragic that you're simply unable to fix, that's how everyone will perceive you - as damaged. But you are not. Being gay is wonderful, empowering and just as much worth of respect and love as being straight. Do not make excuses for it. Ever.
 
If he wants to reconcile with his parents, he needs them to know the truth, that he did not choose to be gay.
 
No doubt. As well as the truth that being gay is not a disease, or a genetic disorder, but a wonderful state of being that while he didn't choose, he is perfectly happy with. Otherwise "I didn't choose this" turns into an excuse, which it should never ever be.
 
my dear NYClover54,

Good you have told your mother that you are gay and that your 'best friend' is your boyfriend. I tend to think that your mother is supportive and I would like to advise you that you concentrate right now on keeping a good relationship with your mother. Likely, you will feel right now very relaxed that you don't need to hide/ly anymore to your mother about yourself and about the type of friendship you have with your 'good friend'.

So don't focus too much about your dad. Maybe he will need some time to get used to the idea that you are gay, but maybe he will not change his opinions about gay people (= about you). Well, you cannot force him to change his opinion.

I agree with Rolyo85 that you should try to live according to the idea "being gay is not a disease, or a genetic disorder, but a wonderful state of being that while he didn't choose, he is perfectly happy with."

In fact, I think you will be quite happy right now, as you don't need to ly/hide anymore to your mother, and as you also have a boyfriend. So go on with your life, and don't look backwards too much.

How about the situation at your med school? Am I right that people over there don't care if students are gay, straight or anything in between? Are your fellow students and other people at your school aware that you are gay? If this is the case, concentrate on them and on people who are supportive (or who don't care if you are gay).

Good luck, and please keep us informed.
 
I'm actually a jr in college and not in med school at the moment but will be in two years. Sorry for the confusion ! Anyway, it's as if nothing happened around here. Sure there is some tension in the air between my father and I but I have a feeling it will disappear in time. Right now I'm just focusing on my money situation for my school by not bringing it up with my dad. My mom is still in disbelief and confusion but again it will probably pass hopefully !
 
Thanks for the update, and no problem at all for the confusion. I tend to think that you should give them some time to get used to the fact that you won't bring home a girlfriend. I mean, I will have taken you alot of time to accept for yourself that you are gay, and it also took you alot of time to tell them that you are gay. I hope that I am right that your parents just need some time to digest the new situation, and that they will get used to the idea.

Best wishes & good luck, and please don't hesitate to ask additional questions (etc.).

Take care.
 
my mom told me today that when my boyfriend comes over i shouldn't be affectionate with him in front of her :( i told her so it's ok if my sister and her boyfriend kiss and cuddle and she said that's different
 
Not that it's of any consolation, but I'm 30, and my mom is still successfully deluding herself into believing that I am merely just going through a[n experimental] phase. She held the reigns to my trust until I turned 25, and now I'm free as a bird.

I love her, I love my step-dad (whom has always been supportive), and I love their misguided ideals. We as a culture, as a society need to move forward.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top