so I'm sure the whole school (close to a thousand students) will know by the end of the week.
It was a teachable moment. Kept it implicit with no details. We were discussing self esteem and the way many people with low self esteem tear down others to elevate themselves for a temporary fix of superiority. The discussion started to get heated, with one person basically proving it with her attitude against women who dress provocatively, and then other women starting to take offense to her statements.
I needed her to consider how she was coming off without letting others attack her. I didn't want to just shut down the conversation, because that would have only driven their hostilities underground, and a cat fight could have ensued later. I needed something big to redirect and also make them forget the energy that was gathering.
So, I sucked up my breath, and I heard myself say, "Well, I might regret this later, but I happen to know a great deal about what it feels like to have people ready to judge me without knowing anything about me first." From there I spoke of having known from an early age that there was something about me I had not chosen, would never have chosen for myself, and that thing would/could be enough to make people hate me, find me vile, and perhaps even want to do me harm. I said that it was a major part to do with why I am not in a long term relationship in my life, because I never would let myself have such a thing prior to a few years ago. And then I said that for the most part, I love myself, and I know I'm a good person, and if someone chooses not to see who I am because they're blinded by what I am, then that is their loss.
The point I made at the finish was that life really should be about building ourselves up--not while trying to keep others down with our judgment and need to feel superior, but while trying to help others rise to their potential as well.
There were other things I said that made it very clear what I was talking about without actually coming out and saying "I'm gay," because I didn't want it to be about being a label. I wanted it to be about their teacher, the guy they've known, respected and liked for weeks now--it was about the person they should be seeing, rather than the label they should be judging.
The response seemed overwhelmingly positive. I let them know that I knew I might have lost a few of them right then, and that it would probably be all over the school within days. It drove home the message I was trying to convey, and it ended the conflict, which I supposed seemed rather petty in the moment. I laughed and joked with them a little when we came back from break, and class seemed to end well.
And I shook for the next three hours any time I held something in my hand.
I told my bosses and some coworkers so I could prepare them for what they might hear--everyone I work with knows and accepts me unconditionally. I don't foresee any problems, but there's still that little boy inside who hopes no one who liked him at one time will suddenly dislike him now.
The nice thing is, beside that little boy, holding his hand, is a man who feels pretty fucking good for taking the plunge, and doing it in such a way that it hopefully taught someone something important.
It was a teachable moment. Kept it implicit with no details. We were discussing self esteem and the way many people with low self esteem tear down others to elevate themselves for a temporary fix of superiority. The discussion started to get heated, with one person basically proving it with her attitude against women who dress provocatively, and then other women starting to take offense to her statements.
I needed her to consider how she was coming off without letting others attack her. I didn't want to just shut down the conversation, because that would have only driven their hostilities underground, and a cat fight could have ensued later. I needed something big to redirect and also make them forget the energy that was gathering.
So, I sucked up my breath, and I heard myself say, "Well, I might regret this later, but I happen to know a great deal about what it feels like to have people ready to judge me without knowing anything about me first." From there I spoke of having known from an early age that there was something about me I had not chosen, would never have chosen for myself, and that thing would/could be enough to make people hate me, find me vile, and perhaps even want to do me harm. I said that it was a major part to do with why I am not in a long term relationship in my life, because I never would let myself have such a thing prior to a few years ago. And then I said that for the most part, I love myself, and I know I'm a good person, and if someone chooses not to see who I am because they're blinded by what I am, then that is their loss.
The point I made at the finish was that life really should be about building ourselves up--not while trying to keep others down with our judgment and need to feel superior, but while trying to help others rise to their potential as well.
There were other things I said that made it very clear what I was talking about without actually coming out and saying "I'm gay," because I didn't want it to be about being a label. I wanted it to be about their teacher, the guy they've known, respected and liked for weeks now--it was about the person they should be seeing, rather than the label they should be judging.
The response seemed overwhelmingly positive. I let them know that I knew I might have lost a few of them right then, and that it would probably be all over the school within days. It drove home the message I was trying to convey, and it ended the conflict, which I supposed seemed rather petty in the moment. I laughed and joked with them a little when we came back from break, and class seemed to end well.
And I shook for the next three hours any time I held something in my hand.
I told my bosses and some coworkers so I could prepare them for what they might hear--everyone I work with knows and accepts me unconditionally. I don't foresee any problems, but there's still that little boy inside who hopes no one who liked him at one time will suddenly dislike him now.
The nice thing is, beside that little boy, holding his hand, is a man who feels pretty fucking good for taking the plunge, and doing it in such a way that it hopefully taught someone something important.
You did great and I'm incredibly happy for you! You've taken the plunge and taken one more step toward being a fully realized individual. I really can't express how proud I am of you and how proud you should be of yourself for such bravery. Not everyone can do what you did. Congrats!!!!
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
