Came out to my parents tonight

[tallguy297]

First mate, as late as it is, let me congratulate you on your courage to be so honest with your parents... I hope you feel really proud of that!

As to your question, I think that awkwardness will last with your parents for as long as you are their son. Mate, your parents will defend you and will want to protect you for as long as they draw breath... its their job, one they love.

Your mums reaction comes from the fact that what she was seeing simply doesnt reconcile with the only real gay person she knows... you.

With time mate, she'll come to understand, with your help, that like the str8 community that we are a varied and diverse group... something shes most likely never given a thought to.

Like her it erks me a little too that thats how we are often portrayed... over the top and "flamboyant", but ask yourself Droid... how would you portray a normal everyday guy, a guy like yourself, and make it clear that hes gay? Because thats the rub... and thats what your mum is struggling with. The normal average gay guy is just that... normal.

Time will let her see mate, that those characters are actually the ones that move us forwards in a lot ways. They are the ones that make being gay more tolerated... simply because that over the top character is the face of our society. Without them we are almost invisible... and while sometimes that might be a good thing, most of the time its not.

Talk to her about it Droid, talk to her about all aspects of our world... and your life. It'll be a little weird mate, but for a little while you'll be the one helping your parents... but dont panic... its often a process that brings you closer not further apart... and from what I can see here, you'll be great at it!

 

[Lube]

So odd question; is it normal to feel a little awkward at first when dealing with some negative stereotypes of gay men on TV? (especially after coming out)

There was the 'gay gene' episode of Family Guy on tonight, and it was just a bit uncomfortable. My mom didn't say anything, but I could tell from her posture what she was thinking. (I don't know if offended is the right word, but she was acting like it bothered her how 'gay' Peter was portrayed)

When you first come out, it's normal to be bothered/offended by flamboyant gays.

As you become more comfortable with yourself over the next months, it'll become a not-so-big deal any more.

It's stupid to think all gay men are like that.

It's equally stupid to think that there aren't lots of gay men like that.

They are our brothers and deserve our respect. You don't have to act like that, but there's nothing wrong with it either. We're gay and we're different from straight guys. No biggie.

 

[BrainDamage]

I'm not quite sure what you're asking here, especially your last question. I feel this way because it means that my family really loves me for who I am, and not for something that, in the grand scheme of things, is relatively trivial.

So, when someone loves you for "who you are," you should feel "happy" (and other similar emotions). Sorry for the ambiguity, and this question wasn't directed just to you. It's the answer I sort of expected, but it only creates more confusion. "Who you are..." What exactly does this mean (not just sexuality) and how exactly does one determine this? I guess my first question was: why should "coming out to loving people" make you "happy", exactly? And its corollary: Why not other emotions (or no emotions at all for that matter)?

>>>Why? Why these emotions? What does it mean when this isn't what happens?

Depends. Were you anxious to come out? Were you scared of possible negative reactions from family and friends? Was everybody supportive and accepting when you came out? O was the whole thing a big "enh" all around?

Lex

Unfortunately, I don't have much experience to draw from, except for the blank reactions of a few psychiatrists I barely know. As for family and friends, they're not in the picture at the moment, and I don't see that changing any time soon. Hence, their reactions are not something I need to concern myself with. It's not my desire to hijack this thread, so I was just trying to figure out why this sequence of emotions and events are supposed to follow a "successful" coming out. I don't understand it.

 

[Iniquity]

That is absolutely great news. I am very happy that worked out for you. More power to you for being able to be yourself.

 

[hazaleyez1975]

COngrats on that huge step. You are an adorable guy.

 

[Royal Heart]

This makes me smile! I'm so happy for you and your family!

 

[JB3]

Another update; My mom told me we needed to talk a bit tonight, and I was initially freaked out about it. (really had no idea what it was going to be about)

Turns out, my parents had been talking, and they wanted to make sure that I knew that I could come to them if I needed anything, if I needed support, etc. My mom also said that both she and my dad felt guilty that I had to go through this alone, and that they wish they would have known so they could have been there for me.

I was FLOORED by that. I can't even put it into words at this point.

 

[texan_slant]

WOW, you are so lucky. Most of us aren't as fortunate to have parents like that!

 

[Tintin-Holmes]

Well done, I did the same thing about a month ago, so I know how awkward the conversation is. They were completely fine with it, but it was just nervous getting to that point. Then about two weeks later, they wondered if there was anything else they should ask me, how it might have affected me growing up. I couldn't think of anything off hand, I could have had I thought about it, but it was nice to just know that they'd be supportive.

 

[JB3]

Well done, I did the same thing about a month ago, so I know how awkward the conversation is. They were completely fine with it, but it was just nervous getting to that point. Then about two weeks later, they wondered if there was anything else they should ask me, how it might have affected me growing up. I couldn't think of anything off hand, I could have had I thought about it, but it was nice to just know that they'd be supportive.

Your situation sounds exactly like my own. Its just such a nerve-wracking thing, especially when you don't know a) how they'll react, and b) how to talk about the situation frankly when its uncomfortable. You build it up so much in your mind, that when the time comes its just like you can't find the right words because you're so nervous.

 

[JB3]

It gets easier and easier each time. A person comes out millions of times in there life. The parents and friends are always the hardest. In the end you simply have to just do it. The anxiety that a person invest into it just amplifies the situation even more.

Exactly. The biggest fear is just not knowing how they'll react.

 

[MoltenRock III]

I just came out to my parents. I was scared to death. My heart was beating a mile a minute, and I could barely get the words out.

They were taking my younger sister and dropping her off somewhere, so I sent my mom a text telling her I had something important to tell them when they get back. When they got back, I sat them down, told them I had something important to say, and went from there. I honestly couldn't find the words to say my life, so I just said them.

My parents were incredibly understanding, more than I ever thought. No 'oh my god', no crying (not about this anyways), no dropped jaws. Just 'if that is what will make you happy, and will make you feel more comfortable, then we'll love you regardless'. They had questions (of course), but their chief concern was that I was happy and comfortable, and that I knew that this was the right thing.

I wrote them a letter too, which basically said everything I couldn't find the words to say.

My mom cried, but it wasn't because I told them I was gay. She was crying because all of her children are growing up and starting to move on. (my sister just got married)

I'm so happy right now, I can't really put it into words.

Now that it has been your 1 year anniversary of being partly open with your sexuality, how are your parents now?

 

[saymyname]

I never saw this thread before, but I have to say, it brought me back to my own experience so much. It sounds really similar. What Lube said about media portrayals is absolutely correct, by the way.

I came out to my parents when I was 16. I'm 22 now. My mom has become incredibly supportive over the years, my sister and, moreso, my father still choose to act all don't ask/don't tell about it. I treat their lives the same way.

I've also found that as far as my mother can come with it, there are still certain parts about it she'll never be able to understand and relate to. And I'm trying to accept that.

 

[diamondstar]

Congruation http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100608015252/snk/images/4/4c/Athena-skewlgirls.gif

 

[Nomenclature]

As your own experience, and many others, have proven, it's usually never as "Bad" as we've talked ourselves into believing that it might be. )

And for millions of others, it's just as bad or worse as we thought it would be.


Be thankful your coming out went well, but don't adopt the "Coming out is never bad for anyone. Everyone should come out right now" attitude.




ANYWAYS. . .



We're all happy for you, JB3. I think we can all relate on how hard it is just to bring yourself to SAY the words "I'm gay" or "i'm bi". Whether it's with a friend or a family member, it always feels good to finally break that bubble, no matter how scary it is.

 

[Lube]

^In order to truly come out, you have to be prepared for the possibility that you will lose all your relationships. You have to be willing to accept that you are more important than any person who would disparage you.

Luckily, many people no longer have to deal with it actually happening. But you should expect the worst and hope for the best.

Anyone who does not accept me? I throw them out of my life, not vice versa. That's how strongly I feel about it. It's their loss, not mine.

Nobody is saying coming out is easy.