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Came Out Yesterday

S

Sylar1984

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I came out to my mum and dad yesterday, because I wanted to be more honest and open about my sexuality. Their reaction was positive, and I had a long chat with them about it.

Problem is, it's a day later and I feel humiliated and exposed. I could tell they were a little shocked and surprised, and I'm afraid it might have lasting changes on our relationship.

I suppose my question is, does it get better over time? Did anyone else feel humiliated? Did you get over it?
 
If their reaction started out positive, then I'm sure things will go just fine for you.
 
I never felt humiliated. It was a long time ago but falling in love at first sight and coming out all happened at the same time. I was only 17. I was so proud that this guy loved me as much as I did him that I wanted everone to know, and I did. Nothing, and I mean nothing could have convinced me that the feelings we had for each other weren't the most wonderful thing to happen.

However, it can be quite a shock to parents. Give them a little time to adjust to their sons new identity, it will be fine.
 
I also came out to my parents a few weeks ago, for the same reasons as you did. It also seems that my experience was pretty much the same as yours: it was a bit shocking to them (at least to my dad), but their overall reaction was positive and supportive. And we also had a long chat about it.

I also didn't feel 100 percent comfortable while telling them or the day after, especially when dad told me that he didn't sleep at all the previous night. But at the same time he assured that it was all only temporary, that he only needed some time to "get his head around to it" or something like that.

A few weeks have passed, and things are the same between us. And I'm feeling very good about the fact I told them.

So I see where you're coming from. Telling your parents is often hard, and it can feel a bit weird afterwards no matter what the initial reaction has been. I know I felt a bit confused and uncomfortable after I told both my parents and my sister, even though my sister's reaction was hugely positive. But it's all good now. And given that your parents' overall reaction was positive, I'm certain that it's all gonna be fine for you too.
 
Sylar, your happiness is as important as anyone else's and being true to yourself (which is easier these days than previously - even though it is still a difficult thing to accept and handle) is part of that. People's reactions will be varied and some friends you may even lose but you will gain others - and it is best they are able to accept you for who you are. Love yourself and endeavour to love all others.
Good luck and happiness in your life.
Love, G :)
 
Thanks for the replies everyone. I guess I just need to give it time. I didn't really consider how I would feel immediately after coming out. I know I've made the right decision though.
 
Yes, give it time. You have divulged a very personal piece of information about yourself. It's natural to feel awkward and funny about it for a while until you are used to them knowing. Some people feel remorse for having said something, some feel awkward/weird/unsettled, some feel immediate relief and elation, but even then, it's not uncommon to have delayed reaction of "Oh God, what did I just do?"

I'm glad your parents had a positive reaction. That will almost certainly continue, but be prepared for follow-up questions, even concerns, as they digest it more. That's common and alright, too. Just keep the lines of communication open and feel comfortable about your folks knowing. They obviously love you, and want to accept you and, ultimately, they want you to be happy.

(*8*)
 
anthony87 said:
I also came out to my parents a few weeks ago, for the same reasons as you did. It also seems that my experience was pretty much the same as yours: it was a bit shocking to them (at least to my dad), but their overall reaction was positive and supportive. And we also had a long chat about it.

I also didn't feel 100 percent comfortable while telling them or the day after, especially when dad told me that he didn't sleep at all the previous night. But at the same time he assured that it was all only temporary, that he only needed some time to "get his head around to it" or something like that.

A few weeks have passed, and things are the same between us. And I'm feeling very good about the fact I told them.

So I see where you're coming from. Telling your parents is often hard, and it can feel a bit weird afterwards no matter what the initial reaction has been. I know I felt a bit confused and uncomfortable after I told both my parents and my sister, even though my sister's reaction was hugely positive. But it's all good now. And given that your parents' overall reaction was positive, I'm certain that it's all gonna be fine for you too.
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My Dad did the same thing, made me laugh (not in a bad way) when I read your post. Just remember it isn't that they aren't okay with it, its just that parents have a redetermined imagine of what they want their kids to grow up and do, its like your dad wanting you to be a lawyer in a way, and when it doesn't work out it just forces them to realize those dreams aren't gonna happen.
 
Hmmm, I might have to back-track on my mum being ok with this.

She just told me she wished I hadn't told her this close to Xmas, because it's all she can think about.

I'm starting to agree with her - there's this certain strangeness between us now. I've always been very close to my mum, so I guess she's still in shock.

It's making me feel sad.
 
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but, don't agree with her. I feel that the "so close to Christmas" is just an excuse, if you waited for another time of the year to do it, the excuse then may have been "close to so-and-so's birthday." You were ready to come out, and when the time is right, you know it, and you do it. She may be thinking a lot about it now, but she should understand how many YEARS you were probably thinking about it. To make the situation less awkward or strange, you should communicate that to her and listen to any concerns she may have to try to put her more at ease.
 
aww :( hugs for you :) You're really brave :D I'm still in the closet, trust me, you've taken a HUGE step forward that many guys like me can't even dream about.
 
tipmyscales86 said:
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but, don't agree with her. I feel that the "so close to Christmas" is just an excuse, if you waited for another time of the year to do it, the excuse then may have been "close to so-and-so's birthday." You were ready to come out, and when the time is right, you know it, and you do it. She may be thinking a lot about it now, but she should understand how many YEARS you were probably thinking about it. To make the situation less awkward or strange, you should communicate that to her and listen to any concerns she may have to try to put her more at ease.
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It's ok, it doesn't sound harsh. I understand what you're saying. I really thought she'd be ok with it straight away, but I suppose that was selfish of me to expect. My dad seems almost chuffed that he has a gay son, I wasn't expecting that!

interesting said:
aww :( hugs for you :) You're really brave :D I'm still in the closet, trust me, you've taken a HUGE step forward that many guys like me can't even dream about.
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Thanks for the support! It took me a few years to work up the courage to come out. I'm sure you'll find your moment sometime. xx
 
I recently told my best mates - I'm 21 and this is one hell of a step. Still haven't told the parents...thinking after xmas...

All of them (three guys, two girls, told over the course of a week) took it really well. Nothing has changed in our relationships (bar, of course, the banter, which has only got better) and am, slightly weirdly, looking forward to telling Mum. Dad is a slightly different matter but he's a reasonable man - I don't see him flipping out.

So much respect, Sylar; it takes a great deal of courage. I've been on the verge of telling people for the last 18 months, and something snapped a few weeks ago, at which point I couldn't deal with my very best friends not knowing. Being profoundly English the conversation was awkward as hell, but we got though it.

X.
 
Hey, well done for taking the plunge. Time is really all that is needed by all concerned.
Your parents need time to adjust to this news, so try not to take everything they say at this moment with high consequencial meaning. In a few months things will be fine, athough there are websites for parents nowadays to also help them understand about your coming out.
 
I had convinced myself years ago that I would never come out of the closet, but I didn't want to have some kind of platonic relationship with a woman - I just wouldn't have been happy that way. But then I also didn't want to grow old alone, so I decided to come out at some point eventually.

My original plan was to wait until I finished university, find a job and move out of the family home. Thing is, over the past year, I've watched a lot of tv shows that have strong gay characters, plus homosexuality is gaining more acceptance everyday.

I suddenly had this strong desire to come out. It almost felt like I was fighting an inner battle between my heart and my mind. Poetic comparisons aside, my heart won over and I now think I made the right decision. Not how I planned it, but I think it'll be ok.

My mum is still a bit in shock, but I'm sure given time she'll come around.
 
this whole coming out thing is bullshit. live your life as if it were yours, not someones to judge. what the fuck is wrong with being gay that you have to announce it to people?

as for parents, what the fuck? why cant they ever be happy? do you need their permission or something to live your life?
 
evanrick said:
this whole coming out thing is bullshit. live your life as if it were yours, not someones to judge. what the fuck is wrong with being gay that you have to announce it to people?

as for parents, what the fuck? why cant they ever be happy? do you need their permission or something to live your life?
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Yes, It's all that simple...#-o
 
evanrick said:
this whole coming out thing is bullshit. live your life as if it were yours, not someones to judge. what the fuck is wrong with being gay that you have to announce it to people?

as for parents, what the fuck? why cant they ever be happy? do you need their permission or something to live your life?
Click to expand...

I agree with you to a point. It's been my experience that most people assume somebody is straight unless they say otherwise. I don't intend to broadcast my sexuality to everybody I meet, just to my family and friends who care about my future. I didn't want my parents permission, but I want their understanding and acceptance.
 
evanrick said:
this whole coming out thing is bullshit. live your life as if it were yours, not someones to judge. what the fuck is wrong with being gay that you have to announce it to people?

as for parents, what the fuck? why cant they ever be happy? do you need their permission or something to live your life?
Click to expand...

1. Well, straight is the standard, so without telling people you're deviating from it, nobody will know and nobody will take it into account when socializing with you. Good luck finding a boyfriend if you didnt tell anyone.

2. Not permission, but approval is preferred.
 
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