GettinJizzywitit
On the Prowl
Chapter 15
Aaron, slumped over in his corner, let out intermittent sobs. I sat down on the cold wooden bench in the center of the room about four feet away. I really didn't know what to do. I wanted to help. but it felt like letting him cry was the best thing to do.
After a bit of silence I said, "We were worried." "Sorry." Aaron answered unaffected. "Where'd you go? I mean, where were you? Were you here?"
"Mostly yeah."
"Get any sleep?"
"No. Too cold."
"Aaron."
He looked up at me.
"Aaron," I said, "I was really worried."
"Why?"
"Because."
"That's not an answer."
"Yes it is"
"Why were you worried?"
"Because I was worried about you. I thought something had happened to you or something."
"Oh like what?"
"Like that Ranger or something. Dude I don't know! "
Aaron stayed in his corner, legs pulled to his chest, head down. "Aaron we were all worried." I stammered. His head lifted and he stared off into the wall. "Me. Why did I have to fucking have to have a gay dad? A fucking freak who fucks around with strangers and shit. It's all his fault." "So what if you're gay." I assured, "There's no fault." "It's his fault I am gay!" Aaron insisted.
I sat for a minute and thought about it. Was being gay genetic? Was it like diabetes? Was gayness something that gets passed on just like blue eyes or black hair? Maybe. But it takes straight people to make people period. Whether or not it's a preference. I knew my parents were straight. At least I thought I did. But really did it matter? The point is I was here and my Dad, the only parent who knew so far, liked me still.
"If he wasn't a faggot I wouldn't be" Aaron yelled. I starred at him. A heat grew in my stomach. I got angry. 'No', I thought, ' He's stressed. He's alone. Show him you care'. I got up from the bench in the middle of the cold locker room and sat next to Aaron on the cement floor. A gust of wind blew through the windows near the ceiling. Aaron lifted his head and turned to me. He looked into my eyes. My soul. His eyes were filled with deep, deep pain and sorrow that was tethered to his very heart. His eyes began to well with tears. My vision became blurry with tears as well. I blinked to let the tears fall from my eyelids. Hot threads of water coursed down my face.
I put my arm around Aaron and leaned in close to his face, resting my forehead onto his. My lips reached for him and, suddenly he pushed me away hard, with hate.
"WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!?!?!" I yelled.
"Get the fuck away." Aaron yelled at me, "You fuckin had to go and be a faggot to me. I never would have known. I never would have thought of being gay if you weren't around here. Waving your dick in my face and shit." I
"Excuse me? " I yelled. " I don't think I did much to get you going. You were playing with your dick every chance you had when you got here."
"Dick! Shut the fuck up! I'm gonna kick your fucking ass!" Aaron yelled.
Aaron sprung up and shoved me against the lockers opposite of him. The back of my head slammed against the cold metal and I saw little splinters of light. I grabbed Aaron's shoulders as Aaron swung at my jaw hitting me just below my left eye. Instinctively I lifted my left leg and wedged it between us. I centered my foot on his chest and with all of my strength I kicked him away from me. Aaron flew back towards the bench in the middle of the room. I heard a deep thud and Aaron was on the floor knocked unconscious by hitting his head on the bench.
"Oh fuck." I said to myself. I lunged to Aaron's side and he was still breathing. I pulled him away from under the bench and closer to me. I felt his head. No blood. 'FUCK! What did I do?!?' Aaron's eyes fluttered.
"Aaron! Hey Aaron!" I said, "You okay? I am so sorry. Aaron?!?"
Wind again blew through the locker room.
"Aaron I love you. I didn't mean to hurt you." I said with my hand on his face, trying to revive him. "It's not your fault that you are gay. Aaron there is no fault. How could love be wrong if two people share it with each other?" I began to cry again. " You," I continued, "You are my best friend Aaron. You're my bro, my guy. I am so sorry please be okay."
Aaron slowly opened his eyes. Coming to, his eyes fixed on the ceiling and then made their way to mine. "Why?" Aaron asked. I slowly began to caress his scalp and said, "I don't know. I wish I had an answer."
"I love you. Why is that a bad thing? Why do I feel bad about it?"
"I don't know."
Aaron pulled himself from the floor and propped himself against the bench. He stared off to the side, off into nothing. "If I could fix myself then I.." Aaron began. I cut him off, "Fix what? How are you 'broken'?" Aaron looked at me, speechless. "So you are gay, who the fuck gives a rat's ass about that?"
"I DO!," Aaron yelled, " I fucking care! I don't want to have to sneak around all my life like my fucking dad. I don't want to have to run off to go have a fuck with you and hide."
" You don't have to." I said
"Bullshit!" Aaron yelled, "You think anybody on the team is gonna want to be around the faggot jock in the shower after the game? You think people will treat you the same once they know you like sucking dicks? Fuck that! That's not how shit works." Aaron looked at me and then looked away again. "I can't do this." Aaron mumbled.
"What?" I asked.
"This." Aaron repeated, " I don't want this."
My heart sank. I could not believe what I was hearing. Maybe I could. His dad was a total pussy anyway. It makes perfect sense that he would be the same. 'Wait.' I thought, 'it doesn't make any sense'.
"Pussy." I said.
"What?
"I called you a fucking pussy."
Aaron's face got blotchy, a sure sign he was getting really pissed.
"You are so afraid. I honestly don't want you anymore anyway."
"Bitch, I'm not a pussy."
"Prove it."
"I don't have to fucking prove it."
"Pussy" I reminded him.
"What the fuck are you calling me pussy for faggot?"
A hot lightening bolt of rage shot down my right arm, my fist clenched and, before I knew it Aaron's jaw had contorted under the pressure of my fist. Saliva spewed from his gapping mouth. His head snapped back and his eyes met mine. Aaron stood motionless as if he had just been slapped by his own Mother and was restraining himself out of sheer bewilderment.
"You're the pussy. You are the coward." I said, looking intensely into his eyes. "I love you. But you, you just want to walk away from this because of what others will think about you. You want to change who you are because you don't want to be like your Dad. Let me tell you something, NOBODY wants to be like your Dad and I will tell you why. Because he lives in the shadows. He has gone his whole life hiding who he was. Your Dad fucking brought us up here to camp while he got to have a fuck buddy. He didn't care that he was putting any of us in danger. He just didn't want anyone to know his 'awful' secret"
Aaron sat motionless. I continued, "So fuck you. YOu want to live your life in secret? Go ahead. But doing that would just make you more like your Dad than you really want. You want to be different? Be yourself. You know, if you just don't like me, fine. But me, I am not gonna fuck around anymore and hide. Being gay doesn't make me bad or evil. It's just who I am."
Aaron, tired, red in the face, haggard from a night of sleeplessness, looked at me. " I just want things the way they were." "Impossible." I said, interrupting.
"Let me finish." Aaron blurted out, "I want it like it was. You, me, loving eachother, being happy. Without people bothering us."
I let the reality of the situation set in. Aaron loved me, I knew this. You can't erase a friendship just by saying it's over. Aaron was angry and afraid and so was I. We both came on this camping trip with the same thoughts in mind and both of us acted upon them. We both knew where our relationship was headed but neither were prepared for the outcome.
"Who says we have to pay attention to anyone?" I asked.
The fluttering songs of birds began to float through the air. I looked into Aaron's deep eyes. Slowly I extended my had to help him up from the cold cement floor. I pulled him up and we stood holding eachother. Aaron's warm pillowy lips began to caress my neck. We kissed. A long, deep, passionate kiss.
We stood there, holding one another for what seemed like forever and yet still not enough. Aaron cradled my head in his arms, "You are right." Aaron said, "We can do this. I believe in us."
"I love you Aaron." I said squeezing his torso.
"I love you too Joshua." Aaron said in a low, soft voice.
"You are my best friend."
"You make me brave."
We heard a truck drive by along the main road through the campsite that snakes along the lake and we let loose our embrace. Pulling the loud metal door open we exited the locker room and made our way back to camp.
-this is the next to final chapter
Aaron, slumped over in his corner, let out intermittent sobs. I sat down on the cold wooden bench in the center of the room about four feet away. I really didn't know what to do. I wanted to help. but it felt like letting him cry was the best thing to do.
After a bit of silence I said, "We were worried." "Sorry." Aaron answered unaffected. "Where'd you go? I mean, where were you? Were you here?"
"Mostly yeah."
"Get any sleep?"
"No. Too cold."
"Aaron."
He looked up at me.
"Aaron," I said, "I was really worried."
"Why?"
"Because."
"That's not an answer."
"Yes it is"
"Why were you worried?"
"Because I was worried about you. I thought something had happened to you or something."
"Oh like what?"
"Like that Ranger or something. Dude I don't know! "
Aaron stayed in his corner, legs pulled to his chest, head down. "Aaron we were all worried." I stammered. His head lifted and he stared off into the wall. "Me. Why did I have to fucking have to have a gay dad? A fucking freak who fucks around with strangers and shit. It's all his fault." "So what if you're gay." I assured, "There's no fault." "It's his fault I am gay!" Aaron insisted.
I sat for a minute and thought about it. Was being gay genetic? Was it like diabetes? Was gayness something that gets passed on just like blue eyes or black hair? Maybe. But it takes straight people to make people period. Whether or not it's a preference. I knew my parents were straight. At least I thought I did. But really did it matter? The point is I was here and my Dad, the only parent who knew so far, liked me still.
"If he wasn't a faggot I wouldn't be" Aaron yelled. I starred at him. A heat grew in my stomach. I got angry. 'No', I thought, ' He's stressed. He's alone. Show him you care'. I got up from the bench in the middle of the cold locker room and sat next to Aaron on the cement floor. A gust of wind blew through the windows near the ceiling. Aaron lifted his head and turned to me. He looked into my eyes. My soul. His eyes were filled with deep, deep pain and sorrow that was tethered to his very heart. His eyes began to well with tears. My vision became blurry with tears as well. I blinked to let the tears fall from my eyelids. Hot threads of water coursed down my face.
I put my arm around Aaron and leaned in close to his face, resting my forehead onto his. My lips reached for him and, suddenly he pushed me away hard, with hate.
"WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!?!?!" I yelled.
"Get the fuck away." Aaron yelled at me, "You fuckin had to go and be a faggot to me. I never would have known. I never would have thought of being gay if you weren't around here. Waving your dick in my face and shit." I
"Excuse me? " I yelled. " I don't think I did much to get you going. You were playing with your dick every chance you had when you got here."
"Dick! Shut the fuck up! I'm gonna kick your fucking ass!" Aaron yelled.
Aaron sprung up and shoved me against the lockers opposite of him. The back of my head slammed against the cold metal and I saw little splinters of light. I grabbed Aaron's shoulders as Aaron swung at my jaw hitting me just below my left eye. Instinctively I lifted my left leg and wedged it between us. I centered my foot on his chest and with all of my strength I kicked him away from me. Aaron flew back towards the bench in the middle of the room. I heard a deep thud and Aaron was on the floor knocked unconscious by hitting his head on the bench.
"Oh fuck." I said to myself. I lunged to Aaron's side and he was still breathing. I pulled him away from under the bench and closer to me. I felt his head. No blood. 'FUCK! What did I do?!?' Aaron's eyes fluttered.
"Aaron! Hey Aaron!" I said, "You okay? I am so sorry. Aaron?!?"
Wind again blew through the locker room.
"Aaron I love you. I didn't mean to hurt you." I said with my hand on his face, trying to revive him. "It's not your fault that you are gay. Aaron there is no fault. How could love be wrong if two people share it with each other?" I began to cry again. " You," I continued, "You are my best friend Aaron. You're my bro, my guy. I am so sorry please be okay."
Aaron slowly opened his eyes. Coming to, his eyes fixed on the ceiling and then made their way to mine. "Why?" Aaron asked. I slowly began to caress his scalp and said, "I don't know. I wish I had an answer."
"I love you. Why is that a bad thing? Why do I feel bad about it?"
"I don't know."
Aaron pulled himself from the floor and propped himself against the bench. He stared off to the side, off into nothing. "If I could fix myself then I.." Aaron began. I cut him off, "Fix what? How are you 'broken'?" Aaron looked at me, speechless. "So you are gay, who the fuck gives a rat's ass about that?"
"I DO!," Aaron yelled, " I fucking care! I don't want to have to sneak around all my life like my fucking dad. I don't want to have to run off to go have a fuck with you and hide."
" You don't have to." I said
"Bullshit!" Aaron yelled, "You think anybody on the team is gonna want to be around the faggot jock in the shower after the game? You think people will treat you the same once they know you like sucking dicks? Fuck that! That's not how shit works." Aaron looked at me and then looked away again. "I can't do this." Aaron mumbled.
"What?" I asked.
"This." Aaron repeated, " I don't want this."
My heart sank. I could not believe what I was hearing. Maybe I could. His dad was a total pussy anyway. It makes perfect sense that he would be the same. 'Wait.' I thought, 'it doesn't make any sense'.
"Pussy." I said.
"What?
"I called you a fucking pussy."
Aaron's face got blotchy, a sure sign he was getting really pissed.
"You are so afraid. I honestly don't want you anymore anyway."
"Bitch, I'm not a pussy."
"Prove it."
"I don't have to fucking prove it."
"Pussy" I reminded him.
"What the fuck are you calling me pussy for faggot?"
A hot lightening bolt of rage shot down my right arm, my fist clenched and, before I knew it Aaron's jaw had contorted under the pressure of my fist. Saliva spewed from his gapping mouth. His head snapped back and his eyes met mine. Aaron stood motionless as if he had just been slapped by his own Mother and was restraining himself out of sheer bewilderment.
"You're the pussy. You are the coward." I said, looking intensely into his eyes. "I love you. But you, you just want to walk away from this because of what others will think about you. You want to change who you are because you don't want to be like your Dad. Let me tell you something, NOBODY wants to be like your Dad and I will tell you why. Because he lives in the shadows. He has gone his whole life hiding who he was. Your Dad fucking brought us up here to camp while he got to have a fuck buddy. He didn't care that he was putting any of us in danger. He just didn't want anyone to know his 'awful' secret"
Aaron sat motionless. I continued, "So fuck you. YOu want to live your life in secret? Go ahead. But doing that would just make you more like your Dad than you really want. You want to be different? Be yourself. You know, if you just don't like me, fine. But me, I am not gonna fuck around anymore and hide. Being gay doesn't make me bad or evil. It's just who I am."
Aaron, tired, red in the face, haggard from a night of sleeplessness, looked at me. " I just want things the way they were." "Impossible." I said, interrupting.
"Let me finish." Aaron blurted out, "I want it like it was. You, me, loving eachother, being happy. Without people bothering us."
I let the reality of the situation set in. Aaron loved me, I knew this. You can't erase a friendship just by saying it's over. Aaron was angry and afraid and so was I. We both came on this camping trip with the same thoughts in mind and both of us acted upon them. We both knew where our relationship was headed but neither were prepared for the outcome.
"Who says we have to pay attention to anyone?" I asked.
The fluttering songs of birds began to float through the air. I looked into Aaron's deep eyes. Slowly I extended my had to help him up from the cold cement floor. I pulled him up and we stood holding eachother. Aaron's warm pillowy lips began to caress my neck. We kissed. A long, deep, passionate kiss.
We stood there, holding one another for what seemed like forever and yet still not enough. Aaron cradled my head in his arms, "You are right." Aaron said, "We can do this. I believe in us."
"I love you Aaron." I said squeezing his torso.
"I love you too Joshua." Aaron said in a low, soft voice.
"You are my best friend."
"You make me brave."
We heard a truck drive by along the main road through the campsite that snakes along the lake and we let loose our embrace. Pulling the loud metal door open we exited the locker room and made our way back to camp.
-this is the next to final chapter
