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Can a one way love be salvaged into friendship?

B

biscottiboi

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About 3 months ago I met a person online. We started talking over the phone immediately upon meeting and did so each and every day/night. After about 5 days of talking and texting I was thinking to myself that I was in love with this person. It was all very new and exciting to me and what a wonderful feeling it was. About a month later I made the trip to meet in person. I drove thru 3 states to get there. Our meeting was great. We got along well, seemed very natural to be around one another, the sex was great. Here comes the tricky part..he already had a boyfriend who lived out of state. I knew this before I got in too deep but chose to carry on like I was an adult and could handle it. Like in most cases our first meeting was an audition of sorts. Turns out..I didnt make the cut to be his one and only. I found this out while I was lying in bed with him because I asked how he felt about me. I did make the cut to continue to be his best friend. We talk everyday still and get along so wonderfully. This is a very diffucult position for me sometimes as you can imagine. Im still very much in love with this guy and he thinks of me as a wonderful friend. There have been a couple of episodes since our meeting that I have become upset and very deeply hurt because of his dealings with his one true love. I know they are brought on by my jealousy but I cant control my feeling and hide them. I let him know what I was feeling but could only be offered more friendship as before. I do want very much to be this guys friend for life because of the great qualities that he has but at same time I think that I am only setting myself up for more and more hurt/pain. I even at one point tried to go cold turkey and stop talking to him but it only last for 36 hours!! Im sure others have been in this same situation. Please give me some advice such as how long it took you to get over your love and have it turned into friendship or even you were able to make that transition. Appreciate your feedback.:help:
 
Oh God, why are we humans so ridiculously naive. Reading about you wanting him is like hearing someone beg to catch the plaque.

I'd have made a doll image of him to stick pins in after I bit the head off a chicken.
 
I did meet this person face to face eventually which made me like them even more. I cant help that I love someone who lives many miles away.
 
biscottiboi said:
I did meet this person face to face eventually which made me like them even more. I cant help that I love someone who lives many miles away.
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Dude, this is really not about the distance.

This is about the fact that you did your best but did not make the cut. You know that. He knows that. He has spoken and that concludes this matter. Trust me, we have all been there. Sooner or later, each and every one of us comes across a dude, who has it all in our eyes. He'll be just absolutely perfect. Save for that one little thing: he sees the whole matter very differently.

Refocus and start living a more livable life. He is a good friend. Treat him as one but seek your BF somewhere else. And you'll probably be surprised at your own success.

SC
 
I believe online relationships are built out of fantasy anyway -- the reality can never match your imagination of what it could be. . . .
 
You need to do something to get your mind off that aspect of the relationship. Once you can get past that fact, you can continue on with friendship. Until you come to terms with it, it won't get any better. Thats the hardest thing to do but everyone in this thread has given great advice on how to do it!
 
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