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On Topic Discussion Can a pathological liar be really bad at it?

Beachguyj

Beachguyj

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I have a friend, not that close, who lies for no reason.

I was asking if we were gonna get together again this year as a group for Halloween.

He said he can't because he's moving, I knew he was looking so I figured if he's moving Oct 31 or Nov 1st it was a valid reason. Then I talk to anther friend who tells me he's not moving for a few months and the place he is moving to is not even built yet.

Also he said that a lot of the people will be out of town, I know 2 will be away so I ask who else. He said Jim. I said little Jim or James, he said oh neither and changed the subject.

Why not be honest and just say the group doesn't want to do anything this year and he doesn't feel like it either?
 
Because he didn't want to hurt your feelings and tell you that he didn't want to go out as a group this year.

He sounds more like an acquaintance than an actual friend.

Go out on Halloween with whoever wants to go out and forget about him.
 
Liars are often very good at it unless they have a bad memory. Pathological liars, however, are rarely ever good at it. It's easier to catch a pathological liar in a lie than it is to catch a regular liar.
 
Pathological liar doesn't mean he's good at it, it just means he's constant with it.
 
rareboy said:
Because he didn't want to hurt your feelings and tell you that he didn't want to go out as a group this year.

He sounds more like an acquaintance than an actual friend.

Go out on Halloween with whoever wants to go out and forget about him.
Click to expand...

My feelings would not have been hurt, and I did reach out to the others, one who I thought would definately do it will be away for work on that day, so maybe that's who he meant when he said people will be away.
 
MoufOfKhaos said:
Pathological liar doesn't mean he's good at it, it just means he's constant with it.
Click to expand...

He is consistent with his stupid lies. the friend who told me he wasn't moving told me that he asks him out to dinner and the excuse is that he has a doctors appointment, and he knew it was fake.

He is a sweet guy, something is just wrong with him about not being honest.
 
^ No. He just doesn't want to hang out with you. It is that simple.

I will stretch the truth to avoid hurting the feelings of friendly people and friends if I don't want to go out with them.

He is just doing the same.

Get over it and make plans to just go out on your own.
 
Beachguyj said:
He is consistent with his stupid lies. the friend who told me he wasn't moving told me that he asks him out to dinner and the excuse is that he has a doctors appointment, and he knew it was fake.

He is a sweet guy, something is just wrong with him about not being honest.
Click to expand...

I sometimes lie to my sister when she's planning something I don't want in on, because if I simply say "I don't want to", she will nag the ever lasting fuck out of me with incessant texts or calls demanding to know "what's so important" that I can't come, etc.

From how much you're bothered by finding out he lied, maybe you're the type who is really persistent bugging people about things when they try to say no?
 
Most of the lies I tell are to avoid having to do something and avoid having to tell that person the truth..usually because I don't know them that well. When I know someone well I tell them the truth even if they don't like it or it isn't easy.

For instance..Halloween.....I had to pretend a lot of things over the years because I HATE it. If I tell the casual friend I hate it or why I hate it I would expect to hear a lot of badgering about how THIS TIME I will have a good time.....or why dressing up in drag once a year is fun and why I should try it...(Uh...if I wanted to dress in drag I would want to be a bad ass lesbian...or Ripley...LOL)

A lot of people really hate hearing the truth about pretty much everything. I know because with my filter it took a loooonnnggggg time to find the "on" button. You should be careful that you are ready to hear the truth if you ask because they might tell you and you might not like it. What if the truth is "I don't really like to hang out with you because you bore me and I never want to do that again"?
 
eastofeden said:
Most of the lies I tell are to avoid having to do something and avoid having to tell that person the truth..usually because I don't know them that well. When I know someone well I tell them the truth even if they don't like it or it isn't easy.

For instance..Halloween.....I had to pretend a lot of things over the years because I HATE it. If I tell the casual friend I hate it or why I hate it I would expect to hear a lot of badgering about how THIS TIME I will have a good time.....or why dressing up in drag once a year is fun and why I should try it...(Uh...if I wanted to dress in drag I would want to be a bad ass lesbian...or Ripley...LOL)

A lot of people really hate hearing the truth about pretty much everything. I know because with my filter it took a loooonnnggggg time to find the "on" button. You should be careful that you are ready to hear the truth if you ask because they might tell you and you might not like it. What if the truth is "I don't really like to hang out with you because you bore me and I never want to do that again"?
Click to expand...

Your post helped me rephrase what I was thinking.

People who want or expect honesty should strive as far as possible to be capable of receiving it moderately well or with some grace.

Some people just really can't, and make it almost impossible to be honest with them without constant conflict, and don't really want honesty.
 
xbuzzerx said:
your post helped me rephrase what i was thinking.

people who want or expect honesty should strive as far as possible to be capable of receiving it moderately well or with some grace.

Some people just really can't, and make it almost impossible to be honest with them without constant conflict, and don't really want honesty.
Click to expand...

qft
 
xbuzzerx said:
From how much you're bothered by finding out he lied, maybe you're the type who is really persistent bugging people about things when they try to say no?
Click to expand...

Not at all, if the group didn't want to do anything I have no control over it. Just don't tell me lies for no reason. Also I didn't try to find anything out, he told me himself that Jim would not be away, and another friend that I called told me that he was not moving until next year and that he always makes up stupid lies and excuses for no reason.
 
Remind me again why you want to hang out with this guy?
 
rareboy said:
Remind me again why you want to hang out with this guy?
Click to expand...

Actually I was asking about Halloween because we all had so much fun last year, but he's an okay guy. A lot of gay guys in south Florida are flakey like him.

Also you have to accept people flaws and all or you wouldn't have any friends. He's a good person otherwise, and maybe he means no harm by his lying and it's just a polite way to say no, but I would rather have the straightforward answer which would not have hurt my feelings, which is that the group does not want to do a group costume thing this year, he said he still might go to the halloween parade.
 
Call him out on it. Tell him you think you might forgo Halloween this year to help him pack and help him move. Tell him you're talking to all your friends to see if you can get everybody else on board with it.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Call him out on it. Tell him you think you might forgo Halloween this year to help him pack and help him move. Tell him you're talking to all your friends to see if you can get everybody else on board with it.

Lex
Click to expand...

I will call him out, but I will tell him that I know that his excuse is bullshit and that the place he is moving to is not even built yet and that his good friend was the one that told me.
 
anoda 1 in fabric a civlied lands
_or it a rags or deisgina suittees or sumthang?_
anyway

thankyou
 
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