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Can an old dog learn new tricks?

Joined
Jan 1, 2012
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sacramento
Back in november I finally felt comfortable enough with myself to find a guy who can be something special to me. I previously only have fooled around with 2 guys, we only jo and gave sum head. Well I met someone and at first it was just us two trying to figure out if we want a real relationship. After a month together we grew closer and talk about everything, the sex is good, we go out all the time, I stay the night 4 days out the week. Here is my problem.. I feel he tells me lies and our whole relationship is one. He changed his info on a4a saying he just looking for friends(about 2 mos after we met) but lately has been on there non,stop and only @ night. Aldso last night we went to a nba game and he was txting, no problem...until he leans forward and I see they're talking bout a fouespme and did you suck, fuck? He knows im nit comfortable with him doing stuff like that. I just looked @ him and said oh really. He twlls me sum bull shit about telling his friend an old story...i jyst gave him the look, he then tells me ge hasnt fooled arou.d wuth him in a long time and how he.had somebody.anyways I just enjoyed.the rest of thegame. Well at his place I couldnt.resist.to read those text and I shouldnt have cause apparantly he still creeping around @ the river.havin fpursomes and shit. I just dont understand why I am not good enough? he is use to hookibg up witg.guys like that but im not and dont like random hooking up. I guess I just wonder will he ever really stop random hook ups and have something special with that one person like he says or will he.continue lying thats what.he wants and continue creeping?
 
I'd say you should confront him - talk to him about it.
If his answer isn't the one you want and/or if you still feel uncertain of where your relationship is going I would say that the smartest thing to do is just walk away.
It's easy for guys to fill you up with b.s. and fake hopes if you let them.
 
I plan on talking to him but can a person who is used to cruising and hooking up with guys online gonna be able to stop that and create a relationship with 1 person? It just makes me think of how you can't turn a hoe into a housewife or househusband.
 
He can change only if he wants to...not because you're telling him to. And who knows when that will happen, right? I don't see it happening anytime soon from your story.

The question to yourself is: "How much more bullshit I have to put up with this guy?" If it's all serious talks with him and no consequences, he's not going to stop what he has always been doing.

So...what will you do:
1. If he does not stop?
2. If he stops for a while...then you catch him doing the same thing again?

Go in with a game plan and let him know what you would like to see out of this relationship. Don't wait for him to tell you what he wants you to do.
 
The really question is does he play because he wants to or because he has to? In other words, is he addicted to this behavior? If he is addicted its no easy matter stopping the behavior without help and support of a 12-step program.
 
Maybe he just enjoys group sex. If so, you're not going to be "good enough" by virtue of only being one person. If you're looking for somebody to be monogamous with, I'd say this guy isn't it.

Lex
 
Yes. people can change but he obviously doesn't want to. He's lying and hiding things from you. he's doing it right in front of you. IF he truly cared for you and your feelings he wouldn't be doing the things he's doing. He couldn't even curb his actions while he was with you. Lord only knows what he's doing when your not around.

this has heartache and trouble written all over it. seems like your investing much more into the relationship than he is. I understand being alone sucks. I broke up with my bf a little over a year ago and it still hurts. Our stories are very similar. I couldn't take the lies any more. I didnt trust him at all and I was right not to. turns out he was sleeping with half of Atlanta. Dont let him play with you. being alone sucks but being played is even worse. end it. you cant trust him.

Steven.
 
The only advice I have is no matter how much you like him, don't give him any free passes and let him away with things cos you don't wanna lose him. Been there, done that, and it was not a happy time.

Theres no point thinking "If only I was better, he'd want me". You're not the problem and putting yourself down fixes nothing. Maybe he just isn't one for monogamy and you have to accept that and move on.
 
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