Can staying in the closet make you depressed?

[hotrox]

I've had gay thoughts since I was a young lad, 10 or sooner, even playing around with the neighbor boys when I was in elementry school. In 10th grade, around 15-16 years old I started even coming out and had some of my first real gay experiences. But around 11th grade I met a girl I really liked and thought I was in love with her but she broke my heart.

I'm now 21 and have been diagnosed with clinical depression and on medication for the past year but I still feel like I'm un happy. About 2 years ago when I first moved out of home and before the depression bit I met a guy that I really started to like but was still in the closet and afraid to come out.

Lately I've been feeling worse with being unhappy, unmativated and no drive all the while any relationships with girls or boys pretty much non-existant. I still find both sexually attractive but have had no desire for relationships.

Recently it's starting to come to me that maybe my depression and unhappiness may be caused by me hiding my sexuality. Problem is I don't even feel 100% sure either way anymore and again I wonder if I have just put up a wall due to negative past experiences.

Can anyone related? Maybe some advice? I'm so lost!

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome the this forum. The mistake a lot of doctors and patients make is sticking to one anti-depressant even if it's not working properly. They are best administered and monitored by psychiatrists, who have more knowledge of the characteristics of each, some having pretty severe sexual side effects. One should also be in therapy at the same time. The problem with an internist or a GP handing them out is that there is no follow up.

Sometimes the med and the dose both have to be adjusted.

Something definitely is not working for you and I'm glad you have asked for advice. Issues and brain chemistry can both cause depression. If it's issue related a person doesn't need the medication indefinitely. So I think you need an evaluation by a psychiatrist with some follow up therapy. You don't have to sort this all out on your own.

Your main task is being 20/21 and doing what you need to do regarding schooling and socializing. I wish you all the best.

 

[hotrox]

I am going to a pyschiatrist and the pills are working for depression, as in I don't want to kill myself. But I believe there may be issues with myself that is making me unhappy. One thing I haven't done is gone to therapy which I think I will plan an appointment soon.

Thanks for the advice so far!

 

[Jeffrules]

As someone who has been diagnosed with depression.I can say it can contribute.Multiple things can lead to depression.Sometimes you can have everything going for you,and still be depressed.It varies from person to person,and getting therapy is a very good decision.I was in denial that I needed therapy,but now I've come to accept that I need it.My main problem is that I just refuse to take any medicine.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yes, being in the closet can make you depressed.

 

[alan1029smith]

I think being in the closet can contribute to depression. I am currently in the closet as well, perhaps more so than you are. I'm 19 years old, and I have yet to tell a single soul about my homosexuality. It has become extremely burdensome to conceal such a major part of who I am. I feel depressed almost all the time, though I can't tell if I'm suffering from depression or if my life is indeed as miserable as I make it out to be. I know what you are going through, and I also plan on seeking therapy. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!

 

[Willie Boy]

I've had gay thoughts since I was a young lad, 10 or sooner, even playing around with the neighbor boys when I was in elementry school. In 10th grade, around 15-16 years old I started even coming out and had some of my first real gay experiences. But around 11th grade I met a girl I really liked and thought I was in love with her but she broke my heart.

Don't be afraid to like either or both. You might be gay, or you might be bi. Don't hide from either. Just be. My guess is the depression could stem from your broken heart and not so much from "being in the closet" as according to your own words you had come out.

I'm now 21 and have been diagnosed with clinical depression and on medication for the past year but I still feel like I'm un happy. About 2 years ago when I first moved out of home and before the depression bit I met a guy that I really started to like but was still in the closet and afraid to come out.

I'm confused..... When did you go into the closet? At 15-16 you claimed to be out, having "experiences".

Lately I've been feeling worse with being unhappy, unmativated and no drive all the while any relationships with girls or boys pretty much non-existant. I still find both sexually attractive but have had no desire for relationships.

Have you talked to your doctor about your broken heart?

Recently it's starting to come to me that maybe my depression and unhappiness may be caused by me hiding my sexuality.

I don't see you hiding your sexuality, I see you hiding your heart, afraid to get hurt again.

Problem is I don't even feel 100% sure either way anymore and again I wonder if I have just put up a wall due to negative past experiences.

Now you are getting somewhere. Yes you are confused about your sexuality, put that on a back burner for now.

The important issue is your broken heart and that it caused you to hide behind emotional walls to protect you from being hurt again. This is where your depression stems from, not the confusion over your sexuality. Not your supposed "hiding in the closet", if that were the case, you would be openly in a straight relationship.

Can anyone related? Maybe some advice? I'm so lost!

My advice, as I've stated in this post is to talk to your doctor about your loss. Yes, that's what it is. She broke your heart and you lost that relationship. You have to come to terms with that loss and grieve and learn to move on. Then you can start working on the emotional walls you've built around your heart. It will take some time, and patience, but you can do it. Just take it one step at a time, and don't be afraid of who you are and what you feel. Don't be afraid to cry.

 

[elGeniuoso1721]

Being in the closet can contribute to depression. I'm a positive and happy person with a lot going for me, but I'm in the closet too. If you're anything like me, then this whole thing is probably on your mind constantly, and you feel like you have no one to talk to. I also don't know if I'm gay or bi, so that adds to the problem. And then thinking about it all seems to make it worse. It's frustrating.

However it sounds like you have taken steps to help yourself! It might seem hard, but you may need to force yourself to talk about uncomfortable things. I told my parents I was bi and I wasn't sure I was ready, but I forced myself to say something because I knew I needed it. And it may hurt to think about your broken heart, but you may need to force yourself too. Things become clearer when they are out in the open sometimes.

 

[mpdan]

Being in the closet can be a cause of depression. So can getting a low grade on your exam, having an auto accident, or having your heart broken. Clinical depression often requires medication, and working with a psychiatrist and a psychologist to level your emotions should help.
Depression seems to affect many in the the gay community. It might be due to social norms - the feeling that you are a square peg in stuck in a round hole. Much has been done to change that, but there is way more that needs to be done.
Take each day as it comes, it's not easy but try to think positive, and at the end of each day write down your feelings to discuss with your doctors and perhaps close confidants.
Most important realize you are not alone in this struggle.

 

[makeurowndstny]

Yeah it can make you depressed, its hiding and repressing yourself and that is never healthy. Acceptance is the first step to recovery and is the best thing to do.

 

[hotrox]

Thank you guys so much, I think I've come to the realization that a large part of me being unhappy is me hiding who I really am. I've decided to start making my way out of the closet.

Thank you all again!

 

[jr2010tx]

I say yes it can be depressing.
I am coming out now and I am really enjoying it. I am more happier and feel better with myself. I have a lot of new friends now and I am seeing a great guy.

I noticed that when I was in the closet, I never felt so alive before. I felt like I was down on myself. I felt bad with myself. I didn't like myself. But i never wanted to kill myself or be suicidal.
I didn't like the idea of hiding. It sucks! I feel like a prisoner in my own body.

 

[makeurowndstny]

Thank you guys so much, I think I've come to the realization that a large part of me being unhappy is me hiding who I really am. I've decided to start making my way out of the closet.

Thank you all again!

You're welcome. And congratulations on taking the first step to helping yourself become who you are and your first step to fighting off your depression

 

[ice444]

Congrats on the realisation - this is the hardest part for you!

Staying in the closet can be depressing (it was for me as I wasn't being true to myself - I cannot lie to myself ever - this is both good and bad!)

Don't be too hard on yourself/your family. It's not easy being gay (why anyone would choose to be gay I don't know!) however be mindful that coming out won't magically cure all your poblems.

Once again, congratulations on the first step.