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can u love someone while cheating on them??

H

hhoiffk2004

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has anyone been at this kind of situation or does anyone know anybody who cheats on their lovers and they still say they love him/her?

is it different whether its a straight or gay relationship??

i asked this question because my dad is currently cheating on my mum (which they both dont know that i knew it). i couldnt tell my mum as it would cause a huge problem :(. they have been married for for more than 15years and he started cheating not so long ago. at the same time, i know my dad loves my mum.

so what are ur opinions? can u love someone while you cheat on them at the same time??
 
While I would never condone cheating, there are circumstances sometimes when I understand why it's happened.

You can't ever know all the circumstances involving your parents' relationship.

I realize it's hurting you, but you have to stay out of it.

That being said, however, if your dad knows that you know, don't ever agree to lie for him or do anything that makes this affair easier for him. It would destroy your relationship with your mother, if she found out you had.
 
That's a damn hard question. One to which I am afraid there are no simple answers. Crisco was right when he posted that, "the word 'love' has a lot of expectations attached to it." The views on this situation will vary greatly based on the expectations one holds about love. Everything josher posted is right, too. I think that your father could still be in love with your mother, but only in a familiar, brother on a hotel bed, kind of love. This has led him to search for a fulfillment he probably doesn't feel anymore in his relationship with your mother, but it doesn't mean he doesn't love her. However, it is wrong for him to cheat on her. It undermines trust. And, of course, we were always told that without trust there can't be love. I think that, following close to what josher posted, you have to stay out of it, it's strictly your parents business. However, because you will be affected by any numerous possible outcomes of this unfortunate situation, be prepared for what could happen in the future if this ever reveals itself, which is usually the statistic. You could talk to your father and let him know you know, and ask him stop and think about what he is doing and how it could hurt all involved, and then proceed to think about telling your mom if his answers are unsatisfactory. But I don't know the outcome of this course and it could be devastating. I just feel she has a right to know, but at the same time if ignorance is bliss then let her remain so. But you will have to deal with knowing about it for the rest of your life and if it ever came to disaster and you knew and never told if it could have saved a lot of heartache. It certainly is a fucked up mess.

I am sorry for your situation, and I hope that it resolves in the best possible outcome.
 
in my option no. You're exposing them to STDS and other dangers. But just my option of course.
 
No, if you love them, they should be the only one you want to be with, just my own opinion.
 
Some people (usually men) have the ability to separate love from sex. So, yes, it's very possible to love someone and have sex with someone else. It happens every day.
 
Yeah, I think you can, but it depends on the individual.

Some people, despite having the right feelings at heart, can just make stupid decisions. Maybe it's by buying into their own bullshit... maybe they think 'sex is just sex' or they're otherwise able to convince themselves that it's not a big deal and wont hurt anyone, etc.

I'm a little bit like that. Internally I can feel really devoted, yet still my mind can stray pretty easily. I guess I'm really not the most consistent individual on the planet, and am quite prone to the ebb and flow of various emotional states. One day I can be almost manically enthusiastic and optimistic, and the next day I'll find myself deep in some kind of depressive existential crisis, etc. Almost any sort of constancy can seem borderline uncharacteristic of me. This also seems to translate pretty well into any relationship (romantic or otherwise) that I have with other people.

My outlook on life can change at the drop of a hat, and I have a heart that tends to waiver all too often. I don't think it means I'm a bad person, or incapable of love... maybe just that my style of affection is kind of a rare taste... and that most people aren't likely to appreciate my flakyness. I just don't think I'm the most hard wired for the whole loving devotion thing, compared to some other people. Any sort of serious commitment (whether it be emotional or otherwise... ) can just have a way of making me go 'eek!'

I'm capable of devotion, but it's a lot of work and tends to run contrary to my instincts, and sometimes I just like to pretend that I'm the only one in the Universe who matters (ie: Sometimes I really want to disregard the potential my actions have to hurt others... perhaps because I'm feeling as if I'm slowly being imprisoned by the other person's expectations and feelings, and I just want to escape it all.) Even if sometimes that means running from the truth, burrying my head in the sand, or generally entangling myself in a web of my own bullshit, all out of some deluded sense of escapism in order to flee from responsibility...

I've made lots of stupid decisions just from those things alone: a load of responsibility, and the desire to escape it... and you can be quite sure I'll quite spectacularily fuck myself over or make my situation even worse, just by trying to wash my hands of it. It's kind of contradictory and stupid, but I'm used to expecting these sorts of things from me :rolleyes:

I don't intend to hurt anyone, but of course that has little influence on the outcome.

And I've never actually cheated, but the thought often occurs to me. I don't even really consider myself the promiscuous type... but put me in the right set of circumstances, and I can see myself doing it. Don't get me wrong, I see cheating as a very serious betrayal of trust... but if asked to be entirely honest, it's not something I'm going to find unconscionable in every circumstance.

Sometimes I worry that trying to get a strong sense of devotion from me would be like trying to get blood from a stone... I care for people deeply, but it tends to be on my terms, and I am more prone to being somewhat aloof or non-expressive about it, and am really not the 'reliable' type (jeez, sounds like all the qualities classic of those who tend to take people for granted...) Basically, I'm not consciously a dick to those around me. If I hurt someone, it's usually just because I have a lot of weird (read: fucked up) interpersonal quirks... I'm the sort that tends to shoot myself in the foot more than anyone else I know.

Ironically, though, if a boyfriend gives me permission to sleep around, I instantly lose interest in doing so... which makes me think it's kind of an escapist thing. When I can't do it, it can occupy my mind way more than I'm comfortable admitting... but once I get permission, suddenly I find myself not caring anymore! I think it's mostly the responsibility issue.

Give me lots of responsibility and I'll only want to flee. Treat me as if I have none, and I'll cling to you like a pest :rolleyes: But I am young and immature so I suppose that can also come with the territory.

I think some people are just a little silly, mentally, and will be prone to making some stupid decisions now and then. I know all too well the stupid decisions I can make. It's not as if there's some deeper, hidden agenda, or I secretly don't actually value people... my heart just tends to sway, and to get entangled in my own ridiculous bullshit way too often.
 
Of course you can.

Happens all the time, for one reason or another.

And it really has to do with sex and love not being the same thing. Or even related.
 
thanks guys for your post!!
i have personally been involved in a cheating situation. i wasnt the one cheating on but i was the one cheating with someone. this guy had a gf but he was playing around with me. i know it sounds bad that i used to do that and i tried ending it but i just cant help but play with his hot 6-packed body :-) . but that was a long time ago. and he thought his gf was a bitch thats the reason why hes cheating on her with me.

are there any jubbers who have been in this situation, if not at least something similar in a cheating situation??
 
Yes it can happen


Sometimes it's also cultural, a man would cheat on his wife and think it's OK. Because he still loves his wife.


And he may truly love her.


I know a few people like that
 
thanks for the post guys!!
now i have a follow up question,
since most of you say that men can separate love from sex, how about women who cheat on their partners, are they able to separate love from sex as well??
 
Cheating is cheating and there is no difference whether you gay or staright! You cause hurt feelings which leaves a scar! Why would you cheat in the first place and don't use the the famous phrase ''I am a hunter'' RUBBISH!! If you are going to cheat on someone then don't develop a relationship with someone and if you already cheated you better grab hold of your balls because they will be scorched!!

Seriously don't cheat. Oh and open-relationships are is similar to cheating - just the one involves trust and the other one doesn't. So don't cheat its disgusting and no open relationships because you end up damaged even if you say I am so in love, he understands etc etc - excuses!! Men are conditioned to think that love is seperate from sex when infact its a physical expression of love and should be practiced with great care and only when there is real life fulfilling intimacy and passion. We are bloody human beings not animals! However you can learn a great deal from Penguins yes I will make this comparison they are commited to that one other Penguin for life and never cheat!

If you were my man - I would have to forgive you but before that I would get mad as hell and I wouldn't trust you but that would be wrong of me if I don't trust you again so I'll forgive you but if it becomes a habit then I have to leave you as I would not allow myself to endure such heartache because clearly I am not good enough for the you if he sleeps around and I deserve better a man who respects himself, me and others.
 
I think men are fooled into believing and "enlightened" science also supports the notion that men are promiscuous by nature, that men almost are entitled to fuck (eg. comfort women during times of war), and many many reasons are given for this. But what we don't hear anymore is that we are probably the only animals who are able to achieve self control and discipline. Cheating is nasty, it damages your own soul more than the others', and creates bad karma. There is no universal definition of love, so you can call it whatever you may, but in my worldview, if you betray someone's trust, you didn't love her enough.
 
Sex therapists will say that gay men should allow their partners to occasionally experiment with another man in an effort to keep the relationship together. Some people will be in great relationships, go abroad for a bit, fool around with someone else, and return to that happy relationship.

But I've never cheated on anyone, and I'm positive my bf hasn't either. Naive? Perhaps. If he did, I wouldn't stand for it. If I did, he wouldn't stand for it either.
 
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